I'm very nervous to post this because I feel like a bad person right now but does anybody else with harm OCD get scared that's if they get annoyed or angry with someone the thoughts will become more real? I hate the noise of people eating, for example, and I know it's something people can't help but I hate the noise and then I get more intrusive thoughts and have to leave the room or put earphones in or sometimes I just cry and can't tell People why because I can't be like you eat too loud so I might hurt you! I'm scared if someone really annoys me or hurts me more seriously that I won't have control. It's really stressing me out. Sorry for the rant.

Not so much about noises although certain noises do annoy me. But if I feel angry towards a person for any reason or they annoy me. I worry my harm ocd thoughts and urges will be worse around them

Yes!! We're on the same level. I'm sorry youre going through this wouldn't wish it on anyone! That's how I feel. But even without people annoying me i still get the same feelings and urges. It's a never ending hell being stuck with harm ocd ?

Yeah I agree it's always good to know you're not alone and not the only one who thinks that way. I definitely recommend putting yourself in those situations and sitting with the anxiety it's the way foward. ? I don't want anyone to end up doing what I've done. I get what you mean it does feel very real. My harm ocd convinces me I'm gonna punch someone in the face it becomes like an urge I feel I can not control and get so scared my hands will just lash out ? I've been told many times it feels like an urge because that's the anxiety. Which makes sense I guess. I miss the days when it was just a thought not an urge

It’s so weird you described my exact fear @wheredoesitend . It always hits worse when someone annoys me or my family does something to annoy me or if I get angry then that just PROVES I’m capable of harming people god it’s scary

Can't you talk to someone?, ? I did manage to tell my mom which did help but I still have the thoughts around her which I hate

I'm so sorry to hear that ? I really am. Do you see a therapist? If not can you try to seek help because you shouldn't be going through this alone. I thought my family wouldn't take me seriously luckily my mom has been very understanding and supportive of it but I haven't managed to tell anyone else in depth the problems I'm going through cos I worry about being judged. And worry about adding to other people's worry. I just don't want you to go through this alone. But you have me if you need it. Cos I understand you, ❤️I'm sorry youre brother doesn't give you the support you need ?do you have a friend you can confide in? And what you said about suffering ptsd I assume your family know about this? It's so difficult to talk about Because it's so unheard of. Almost no one I know in my life has ever even heard of harm ocd they think ocd is all to do with cleaning and rituals. I believe I also suffered ptsd and have also had harm ocd and ocd for aslong as I can remember. I just didn't know what it was until very recently its all still new to me ?

I definitely feel like that too,

Yes exactly! How do you deal the thoughts in that's situation if that is ok to ask?

I wish i could give you a more positive answer hun but unfortunately I haven't dealt with it in the right way at all. I've isolated myself for over 2 months now. I have done little bits of erp (exposure) but not much. I just became that bad with the fear of my thoughts coming true aswell as depression and anxiety I shut myself away. But I know exposure is the way to beat it. Exposing yourself to these situations as much as possible and apparently the anxiety gets easier. It's still all very new to me this harm ocd thing ? I didn't know how to handle it other than shutting myself away which I really advise against! Don't do that because it becomes even harder. ?

Just wanted to give you the most honest answer I could

That's just how I react to my harm ocd in general not necessarily noises. But I understand what you mean about noise. I get very annoyed with certain things even people coughing and little things like that.

No that's great thank you! Just knowing it's not just me is somewhat relieving! I feel like putting myself or keeping myself in the situation is probably best to do. It's just so hard when it feels so real as I'm sure you will understand too!

Yeah

Same. Even when somebody’s being nice to me- but keeping this all in is the worst part of knowing I’ll never get through it

It’s just something that my family won’t take seriously or will make the worst out of and will look at me different or just blame it on something as stupid as my phone. I don’t know how to explain it well but I’ve always been awkward in the sharing emotions with family or anyone department. My brother is aware of some of my ocd themes but he treats it carelessly because people without ocd don’t understand the depth you know? He never checks in with me on how I’m doing about it and even knowing what I’m going through he shrugs it off. Plus there’s a lot on my family’s plate right now I wouldn’t want to fill it up more with my problems. But this is understandable since I have been suffering from ptsd since I was young so it was bound to turn into something.

I don’t see a therapist, I really wish I could because it would be such an immense help stability wise. And in order to seek help from therapy I’d have to inform my family about what’s going on correct, and as we’ve discussed that’s kind of a rough path to take:/ and also the expense of therapy seems like a lot, I haven’t done much research though since I know the possibility is miles away. I’m also scared to confide in anyone else including friends, I have one super close friend but I don’t want her to think different of me, I’m also scared that if one day our friendship ends (I doubt that this will occur but still), I don’t want her to have something so private against me. I have a hard time with trust. But remember you’re never a burden, it’s their job as your friends and family to support you. They made you/you mean importance to them and they should take care of you. I find it hard to follow my same advice. I was always the advice giver everyone went to but never gave me any back. Thank you for caring, it really means a lot to me. I find it super triggering when people say intrusive ocd like these themes don’t exist because it gives a possibility that it’s all in my head but we have to remember not everyone’s as educated as us. I have too much cursed knowledge now than ever before but that’s just how it is and I wish I could change it but unfortunately can’t I guess:/ and I feel you! My family is aware of the trauma but I’m not sure they’re aware of my ptsd. I find little pieces from my life that connect the fact that I always have a little bit of ocd, I just never knew or noticed. But it’s all so difficult to put in words and explain.

I'm so sorry you aren't seeing one ? I'm not seeing one either at the moment. I have my appointment with psychiatrist soon but even then therapy could be a long wait. The mental health service in the UK is disgusting. How old are you hun? Depending on your age can't you see a doctor without your familys consent? I'm so sorry you feel like you can't talk to them I really wish you could and would but I understand what you're saying ? therapy can be a bit pricey sometimes and too expensive in my opinion. Although mine would be free on the NHS Im considering private and paying for it cos I don't have muchfaith in the mental health service. Where are you from? If therapy isnt possible right now maybe look at some self help books, watch some videos on YouTube some of them can be really good. I totally understand what you're saying about not wanting to tell your friend too ?I will always care because I know exactly what you are going through so remember you aren't alone. I'm here for you. Even if it takes me a while to reply sometimes lol. I find that very triggering too! But it's because people are so uneducated about this theme of ocd and its so unheard of ? can feel like a very lonely place. I know what you mean when I think back on my life I realise I've had harm ocd for absolutely ages. Im 29 now and had it since I was about 6/7 I really hope you can find some sort of help and support you really deserve it.! ❤️

https://youtu.be/6csT2VeC5ZA Chrissie hodges talking about how to tell people you have ocd. She talks about violent and sexual thoughts hope this can help ❤️