Are most of the people here with HOCD also struggling with low self esteem? Like comparing yourself the whole time to others, feeling inferior to others, having no trust in yourself and having many issues with body and your look? I am struggling with low self esteem and every day I do my best to just get more confident but sometimes it feels like HOCD just pushes me back every time I feel better about myself ...

I feel that as well. I think part of HOCD is that we feel like we’ll never find a romantic partner in the sex that we do like. For example I don’t think I’ll ever find a bf/future husband so my HOCD makes me think that I should be with my best friend. I think we think that because they are the people that show that they love us so OCD takes advantage of that.

Same. Also the fact that I haven’t really been in a romantic relationship or that involved with them messes with my OCD and self esteem as well. I know this isn’t true but it’s almost like in the past, I wasn’t good enough for them.

Same for me @MichaelScarn just with boys. I think that is why I developed HOCD because all my friends had dates to dances and had boyfriends and boys barely talked to me. So my OCD twisted it to make me think that I’m supposed to be bi/lesbian because I’ve only been close to girls.

That’s so HOCD-like. HOCD tries to influence my friendships, my identity, my orientation, all my future expectations (which included men). I used to look at my friends which are always there for me and think “I’m so glad to have her, she’s such a good person!” and now my HOCD wants to make me also believe that I want more than “just friendship”. Yes, the fact that I had no experience with boys in a romantic way fits perfect into HOCD as it will use it and makes me think so much. When I imagined my future relationship I always imagined a man and it felt so good. Know when I dream about relationships with boys there is this quite HOCD voice which wants me to think “No, not like this”

Yes, I know what you mean! My female friends are so important for me, i love it to be with them, BUT because they are my friends and I laugh with them so much every time we are all together! That’s why I hate it how HOCD tries to have a impact on my friendship which are as you mentioned it sooo important in our lifes! But what bothers me is that I just lost my attraction, sometimes I see sweet boys and think „wow!“, but now with HOCD its like my HOCD is destroying my attraction for boys. And this makes me even more scared because I fear that when I loose my attraction to boys I will never fall in love with one!

That’s why I’m kinda glad I’m going through this. While the thoughts kept coming in, I learned that I’m not only straight, but there are different forms of platonic love that I’ve experienced throughout that I’ve feared was attraction. I should just learn how to appreciate those while getting over the obsession and getting rid of the hyper focus on wanting a boyfriend (although that’d be nice)

That’s exactly the biggest problem of having HOCD (or other types of OCD): black-and-white thinking! It‘s as you have described it. „You find this girl attractive? You love her in a romantic way! You love to hang out with your best friend, spend time with her and tell her all your secrets? You want to be in a relationship with her! You have never had a boyfriend? You are gay!“ It‘s very ironic and paradoxical: we are so aware of our way of thinking and how our HOCD works but it’s so hard getting rid of it.

Yes

We are so similar! I’ve never really had a boyfriend and have not been on a date since I was 13 (I’m 20 now) so I have zero experience with men. I also have had very little experience with friendship so now my mind is telling me “You like your best friend. You like her, you have a crush on her!” It’s just our OCD preying on us. I know that it’s easier said than done to just say “It’s my OCD.” Because it messes with our memories and makes it feel so real

Girls, I feel exactly the same! And I have also never been in a romantic relationship with a man, that’s I think what triggers my HOCD a lot. @Madeline you said it so well: “For example I don’t think I’ll ever find a bf/future husband so my HOCD makes me think..” that’s exactly what I feel! Because of my low self-esteem I also fear and tell myself sometimes that I will never find a bf and my HOCD takes advantage of this fear and believe and wants to make me believe I’m gay!

Yes! I know I already said this twice, but it helps me to talk about it. But then my HOCD makes me think I have feelings for my girl friends and it sucks because I don’t want to like them like that and just want friendship. This happened to me with one of my friends in high school and I was so miserable that I just avoided her. I also fear that when I do find a guy I won’t be able to enjoy my relationship because I’ll be thinking too much about being gay!

I really feel the same... sometimes it’s gets better but there a days in which HOCD just makes me cry

Are you someone who needs to stay busy all the time?

Yes.I was always rejected by girls and this just kept my self esteem down.Im just scared I'll never find the girl for me and that fuels my HOCD.

@Madeline yes, because if I had nothing to do, my HOCD would get worse! Sometimes it just really helps to go out, work, just do something... Everytime when I had nothing to do my HOCD kicked in and I spend 2/3 hours researching ?‍♀️ And your last comment exactly also described my situation, it’s really the same!! That is so triggering, but I’m glad that there are also other girls with these kinds of worries. I always thought I’m the only one

Me too! I think a lot of it comes from the fact that girls are very open about telling other girls they’re “hot” or “sexy” or “beautiful”. My bff is just like that and I just don’t know how to tell her that sometimes it triggers my HOCD. For us it’s hard because it can start the spiral of thoughts!

I know exactly how you feel! I’m 20 and the last time I went out on a date with someone that I like was when I was 13. I have very little experience with guys, especially with guys giving me compliments. So I always get compliments from my girl friends, and even though I love my bff sometimes some of her comments make a little uncomfortable. I know she means well but a comment from her sent me back into my HOCD thinking I liked her. I obviously don’t know how to tell her that I wish she would stop a little.

And I think “rejection” from guys doesn’t it help it as well. I was strung along by a guy for about 4 months this past year and then he totally broke my heart. And my bff was right there of course. And then the HOCD is using that to be like “She’s the one for you then!”

I’m sorry for your heartbreak, I hope someday the right guy will come into your life and appreciate and support you!

Aww thanks! Honestly that’s in the past lol, but all the things you described about friendships is so true. And the worst part is now I’m annoyed and keep thinking “I just want to be able to hang out with my bff again!” And yes I always imagined myself with a man. I think what’s hard for people with HOCD to understand is that there are many different types of love, not just romantic. Platonic love is a thing. But for us if we get excited when our female friend texts us our minds automatically turn it into “Its because you like them.” It’s hard for us to understand that it’s okay to have emotions about our female friends, because it’s totally natural.

Me too! I cried yesterday and all I want is to feel better.

Yes, I exactly know what you mean!! Calling other girls “hot”, “sexy” would absolutely trigger my HOCD and I would feel weird and uncomfortable! Yes, you’re right and this spiral of thoughts can become just like hell. Personally, the question “Did you really never had a boyfriend?” (I’m 19) triggers me so much. I used to say things like “No, because I’m waiting for the right one and want to take it seriously” (+ boys barely talk to me and never ask me for dates). But now questions like this one trigger my HOCD so much. My HOCD takes this and leads me to thoughts like “You never dated a guy, you never were in a relationship, you are gay!”. It’s so exhausting.

Lol I get the boyfriend thing! And I think that plays into it as well because we’re SO focused on getting a boyfriend. And yes learning about platonic love is actually very helpful. So many times when I’m with my friends I think “I should not have any emotion or feeling at all.” So then if I get excited or feel happy, tranquil etc. I think it’s because of attraction! But that makes no sense because, friends are some of the most important people in our lives. They are like family. Especially best friends. My best friend knows everything about me and I see her everyday at school. Of course I would miss her, it’s human nature! I get excited to tell her about things because she’s my friend and I love her

I feel the same way about attraction! I’m going to be starting a play in a couple days and I have to kiss a boy onstage. Even though it’s just a stage kiss I was looking forward to it because he’s a cute boy. But now I’m worried that I’m going to start thinking about kissing my bff and it will ruin it for me.