Im just stuck thinking if there will ever be an end to this awful feeling, if ill ever be able to be at peace and happy with my life without intrusive thoughts ruining everything for me
Yes, there definitely can be improvement and healing in the area of OCD and intrusive thoughts. Therapy has helped me, and also a book called The OCD Healing Journey by Mark DeJesus. I’m learning to be more compassionate toward myself in my thinking. Im learning that thoughts are just thoughts- everyone has disturbing ones come through sometimes. My goal is to let them pass on by and not hold on to them. I’m learning “the problem is not the problem,” but actually it’s how I’m interacting with what I think is the problem. Hope this helps you.
Looks like you're on the right path by being here. Don't give up. It's all about learning to coexist with uncertainty.
@CaleeGee Thank you!
Tons of people ERP their way out of this disorder. At a certain point, they don't meet the criteria for OCD as a diagnosis and if you do upkeep, you can continue to manage it at that level. Even then, some people might have blips here and there, but they know how to handle it and bring it back to managing well.
Does ERP actually work I have hocd well so I think I do it’s been 3 years now and still stuck I am stuck on the idea that sexuality can change and that is scary the crap out of me I went on you tube to try and do a exposure by watching two guys kissing I was finding it hard to watch and felt sick and wasn’t able to continue watching it with out gagging how do I sit with the thought and uncertainty if I can’t even watch the video 5 mins why has ocd choose this theme
feel really down like i'll never be able to live my life i feel i'm never truly happy i just have to get by i feel stuck ive had loads of therapy cbt nothing will ever really help me 😞
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
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