- Username
- zealous4life
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Sorry to hear you are going through all of that. However it sounds like you are, at this moment, a bundle of compulsions. Checking, answering and confessing are wood and air added to the fire of your OCD. At this point you probably feel worse. That's what happens with compulsions, they are like drug to seek relief. I am surprised that your therapist is not aware of all your unhealthy behaviours. --- What to do now? Cut them all - as fast as you can. No more mental checking, reviewing, ruminating, confessing, giving your phone to your boyfriend,etc. I know it does not sound like the honest thing to do but it is the healthiest one.
I understand, but if it's not getting better is probably due to unnoticed mental compulsions. From the content of your post I can tell that you are still taking these feelings pretty seriously, like they are true. I know they feel real but you need to treat them the same way you would treat an allergy, it sucks but you need to go on with your life. --- For the longest time my thoughts accused me of being a perverted sexual evil monster. Can you imagine the level of pain I had with my little daughter? I considered death too. However I learned to live with the feelings of "being all of that" and still act according to my values. So I did it for almost six months and very slowly I regained control. I don't know you at all but just through your obsession I CAN tell 2 things - 1) That you are an extremely loyal person since cheating seems to hold no possibility of redemption (Which is a sign of perfectionism). 2) That your perception and believes about "cheating" and "cheaters" are waaaay distorted, to the point that you would prefer death to the possibility of being one. Again, not saying you are one, just saying that if you changed your perceptions about it you would suffer less.
Owiie :( I agree it's tough when your OCD is targeting your core values - I guess for you, it's staying faithful to your bf. It just means you value these things, and your mind is going overboard trying to make sure you are in alignment with your values. But the problem with trying to check what you said and trying to "confess your sins" to your bf is that these are also compulsions and do not help you recover. A therapist online said that if you're doubting something, you don't analyze/prove/disprove it otherwise it gets worse. So if your mind slaps you with "You're cheating and you just can't admit it, no?" You respond with something that doesn't prove/disprove/analyze that question. Like, "I don't know, and I don't have to know". It is really distressing, but do this enough and eventually your body gets used to that distress and the dount loses its power. Also, I'm not sure if this may help, but I like to think of OCD as some prosecutor who will do anything (even fabricate evidence) to prove you are guilty (of whatever obsession you have). You are also your own lawyer, and you defend yourself by not responding to the their accusations. OTOH, the judge is shifty and is someone who can't make his mind up about the verdict because of the OCD prosecutor.
i haven’t done any compulsions recently - these are all things I did in the past, I haven’t confessed this “new” thing to my boyfriend. However no matter how many times I say “no” to this, the thought that I did something wrong still persists. I want to say what I said to get opinions as to if I should say something to my boyfriend but I bet that will not go well here. My belief is that I “did something wrong.” And no matter how long I didn’t check, no matter how long I don’t ruminate or confess, I STILL get thoughts that I am a cheater, or specific things that I said come into my mind, and I think that I have to prove that I am not a cheater, or that I didn’t cheat. I try not to prove anything, and for the most part I can’t, because the only solution to the question is to confess what I did or said, but everyone around me told me to stop that, so I haven’t. But having these thoughts literally 24/7 has literally extinguished my hope, despite all my efforts to cut compulsions. The only relief I could get seems to be from dying. I would probably go to hell but it seems as if I am already there.
if I would have just decided to cheat, and knew I was one, I wouldn’t want to die, but I feel like death would be the only relief from these constant questioning thoughts about my faithfulness. They constantly threaten me with “you will always worry about this,” and “you will never be able to prove that you are not a cheater,” or “you are a cheater in denial,” and finally “you will always be living a lie,” because the proof that I did or didn’t cheat will always elude me as long as I can’t ask anyone about it. I was severely traumatized by a yearlong affair my ex had during my relationship. To me there is no greater pain that could be done to me by my partner, ergo that would be the worst thing I could do to mine. You don’t have to retort to calling me a perfectionist because I hold my beliefs in high esteem. My thoughts are NOT distorted and you are gaslighting me by suggesting that. I am a perfectly logical person dealing with the very real problem that I can’t determine my faithfulness. I would never accept the possibility that I hurt the love of my life in this way. It is morally wrong to accept that I would do something like that to him - that I would mean something bad. And I just want proof that I didn’t do something bad, and the only proof I can get is by confessing, but no one explains to me WHY that is bad, all they say is “you have ocd,” (basically “you are crazy”) and I am just left to suffer alone, so yes I want to die because I am ALONE not because I am a cheater
I think you completely missed the tone of my post - it was supposed to be helpful to you. Wish you the best.
Are there any other Christians struggling with Real Event OCD? Specifically being able to differentiate between if it’s the OCD making me feel like I need to confess to more people or if it’s actually guilt coming from the Holy Spirit that is trying to convict me so that I will talk with elders in the church or something, etc.? For a tad more information in case it helps you respond to me- The “real event” wasn’t any action(s) that I committed. It was just thoughts/feelings that I had that were inappropriate. I never acted on them and never would. I even prayed them away when I had them at times, but I don’t think it’s fair to call them intrusive either. I feel like they were my thoughts/feelings. I already confessed to my husband 728734 times and will be talking to a counselor in January (first she had available), but in the mean time I am struggling very, very badly. It’s led me to being very depressed and my mind constantly swirling like a tornado. It’s also led to lots of other “themes”… also, I’m new to OCD. I’ve only been seen in the past professionally very briefly for “general anxiety” although it’s starting to become clear to me that I’ve had OCD all along.
every time my OCD finds something new to obsess about I feel like it’s the worst one yet. I used to think feeling like i don’t love my partner is the worst but turns out feeling like i cheated on him is so much worse. especially because it’s not cheating OCD but real event OCD. I somewhat entertained things with a friend a couple years ago (assumed he was probably into me and didn’t stop it/ liked the attention??) and even drunkenly fell asleep on his leg once. and i have talked about it with my bf but not the detail about sleeping on his leg (i’ve told him other arguably worse things (no kissing or anything like that)) and we’ve gotten past it. this was someone who i definitely never had feelings for and never wanted anything more out of than attention. but now i feel overcome by guilt and anxiety and i replay the scenarios over and over in my head. i feel the constant need to confess every last detail i remember but i read that confessing can be a compulsion? ugh anyone else dealing with real event OCD have any advice? I can’t see my amazing NOCD therapist anymore due to insurance issues :/
Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time
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