Way way overthinking

I have completely lost myself. I was doing so well yesterday. I have absolutely no desire to hurt anyone but why does it bother me that I couldn’t hurt someone even if I wanted to. Like Do i really want to? I know my belief in God fully convicts my heart but why would I want to do it. My heart just wants to praise God but I even question why God made our hearts to praise him. Like why is it bothering me? I loved to be a good person and I truly want to be the old me again but why does it feel like I just don’t want to. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go to hell but why is murder in my mind. Is this existential more than harm OCD? I’m sorry if this is a confusing post.

Username: charissepisces2021charissepisc...

Date posted: 1y ago

Sit with the possibility that you might want to hurt someone. The way i did it was i said to myself "i may want to hurt _____" over and over and didnt think any other thought than that. Then just sit with it. Dont try to contradict/question/ what if. Just bc you want to hurt someone doesnt mean you will

Username: JessiJessJessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@charissepisces2021 The urges are the scariest and I definitely need to learn to practice uncertainty. I want reassurance that I won’t do it but I know in the end that makes OCD spiral even more.

Username: charissepisces2021charissepisc...

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess I know i understand its really hard and its so easy to spiral. You arent stupid or weak though because of course you dont wanna be a bad person and want to hurt people.

Username: JFLJFL

Date posted: 1y ago

It's like the more you try to contradict it the stronger the compulsion gets. That's what I hate about OCD. It's like I want to be sure. Other people can check and see and be fine. Not me though. It's tough. I find that it has to do with major things or the things I care about or invested in. Things that I don't have investment in the thought will move on.

Username: JessiJessJessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@JFL Honestly! Like I wish my mind wasn’t running all the time and doubting everything.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I've had the same thoughts (this is not for reassurance haha)! The simple answer I gave myself was "maybe I do, maybe I don't". But just saying that doesn't do anything. You have to live it. You have to show yourself (brain, spirit, etc...) through action that you are fully accepting the possibility of both. To you I would ask, what would that look like? You said you lost yourself. That makes me think you know the things you are doing, the actions you are taking, the thoughts you are having don't align with who you think you "should be". You say you don't want to hurt people, but have you? The old saying "actions speak louder than words" says a lot to who you are rather than your thoughts. Your brains just trying to help you. It sees how important God is to you and the importance you put on people. It tries to attack that. For what its worth, I found out that my harm OCD had more to do with my fear of being judged by others, including God. So I took small steps in the direction of not caring what others thought about me (what I wore... shoes, clothes, etc...). Hope this helps :)

Username: JessiJessJessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thank you, I will definitely practice this. This was very helpful

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

Backslides are normal! Take a beat and don’t worry about this post or next time this comes up take a break from posting about it (giving in to the compulsion) and of course it’ll feel difficult but you can do it and eventually it’ll get easier so you’re not just latching on to every thought that comes your way. I personally believe most OCD thoughts are actually existential well at least that’s in the background of it. However that is my personal opinion.

Username: JessiJessJessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@JordTheNord I had not thought about it in that way, posting about it can be a compulsion. I don’t know why I can’t just distinguish that thoughts are just thoughts. Most of my OCD thoughts are existential too, questions you could never know the answer to.

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess It is hard! If it was easy nobody would have OCD ever. Just because techniques are simple that doesn’t mean they’re easy. Practice practice practice. Also, some of the thoughts for the existential or any OCD thought is kind of like shaking our reality. “Like omg I never thought of this scenario could this be real and I’ve just been overlooking it or in denial etc.” I think that’s a part of what gets us in OCD even if the thought is completely out there.

Username: JFLJFL

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi Jord. I have never heard of existential OCD. So that type of ocd is basically questioning reality. Is this correct?

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 35w ago

I’m scared this isn’t ocd…

It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.

Username: freshpanda

Date posted: 26w ago

help

i get harm thoughts and i’m also plagued by thoughts telling me hurting others isn’t wrong 😭 so basically i feel like i may start believing that and then hurt people or animals. i don’t understand my mind, i just want to know and FEEL that murder, hurting others or animals is wrong again bc this is scaring me and then my ocd tells me i shouldn’t be scared bc it isn’t even wrong to hurt others or whatever. it’s freaking me out.. even when i try not to do compulsions and ignore the thoughts and feelings it’s like i feel like i NEED to address and disprove them and i need to make sure i know it’s wrong. my mind even tests me by giving me scenarios of other people hurting and killing eachother and i check and see whether i feel it’s wrong. i’m tired, i’m scared, i want to go back to normal and understand these things are bad :/

Username: anonymousmm

Date posted: 12w ago

RELIGIOUS/HARM OCD

I don’t know what to do, I feel so lost and feel like I’m losing my mind… I don’t know what to do, I am still getting the terrible thoughts of “God is telling you to kill someone” and I’m literally mid panic attack, I keep trying to reason with logic because it even says in the 10 commandments “thou shall not murder.” So I don’t even know why I’m getting these thoughts… ugh… people say that intrusive thoughts trigger things you care about the most, which mine would be Jesus & the people around me, which is why I get the harm OCD about people I care about the most.. someone recently said that I could be schizophrenic and now I’m terribly worried that I could have that.. I am so terribly afraid of becoming “crazy” and doing horrible things… can someone please give me tips to help this, and or message me?

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