- Date posted
- 6y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
My husband doesn’t really get it either. I don’t know that they can unless they have it too. But the more I open un to him and share what’s going on in my head and why I feel like I need to do my compulsions, the more he understands. For some, I think just education can be a big help. If you read any articles or books on the subject that move you, I’d encourage you to share those resources your significant other. I find that most people can relate in some way even if they don’t have OCD. Most people have quirky things they do like always putting on their left shoe before their right or double checking they did their math right by doing it again. That’s a relatable action/habit that normal ppl do that for us becomes compulsory. The discomfort they experience if they do their right shoes instead of left first or don’t double check their math is like a smaller version of the distress we experience from our obsessions even before we get to our compulsions. And then whereas they can be uncomfortable but let it go, our minds really really struggle to let go of that discomfort and move on. Finding small relatable things like that seems to help people understand our OCD a little bit more. I hope this helps you guys! ?
- Date posted
- 6y
My husband started coming to therapy with me and it has been so helpful to both of us! My therapist was very supportive in including him in sessions.
- Date posted
- 6y
So I’m still trying too figure out the answer to that question too??
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow, that’s a brilliant idea, Ocdjourney! Was it your therapist idea or yours? How many times did he join your sessions?
- Date posted
- 6y
I asked my therapist during the phone consultation before the first session if she includes spouses/significant others and she said “absolutely I prefer that!” He comes to almost every session, and it is so helpful to both of us. Sometimes he’s really involved in the session but sometimes he is listening mostly. He gets to see and understand what I’m working on and she also helps him with how to best help me when things come up. I was doing so much reassurance seeking and compulsions that involved him, and I knew it was affecting our relationship and hard on him. Now he knows to never reassure me and he’s gotten to know how to identify when my OCD is talking vs. when I’m talking! So it has really helped our relationship. He even named my OCD “Bernice” ? and will tell me “that’s Bernice” I’m not going to answer her!” It has helped me to externalize it as well because I used to feel SO guilty and frustrated when OCD obsessions flared up because I knew it was stressful for him and affected him. I also have a lot of relationship ocd obsessions so he now knows that’s “Bernice” talking if they come up and doesn’t even acknowledge them.
- Date posted
- 6y
That sounds really helpful for the both of you? It sounds like my sessions with my therapist.. the only difference is that he doesn’t include spouses.. but we found a way through it; So now I’m a living function carrier pigeon?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.
- Date posted
- 22w
I have had diagnosed OCD for a while now and I’ve been really struggling with my rocd. My bf and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and it has been great mostly. (I say mostly because of I’m being honest the bad parts are me causing issues due to my rocd) lately I’ve been struggling to trust him in that he will follow through with his word. This was triggered because we had a wedding and a brunch to go to (he doesn’t know the person getting married but was going just to go with me) and he ended up not being able to go due to finals and group projects he had to end up doing work for. This is a completely understandable and reasonable excuse not to be able to attend something, but my brain is now making me feel like he would do that to anything I need him for. And he literally doesn’t. Like we’re going out of town to see family this summer and I’m scared he’ll flake out. We’ve already gotten plane tickets and everything but my brain is like what if . Again it’s so stupid because he comes through almost all the time I invite him to something and when he can’t go it’s usually due to something pretty reasonable that he didn’t foresee. Like he comes to all my family holiday events, goes and runs errands and does things when I ask, comes over everyday to spend time with me. The only times he can’t come to my house is when he has no gas money. We’re both in college and his parents don’t really support him at all so he has to use all his money he makes working during the summer towards expenses and doesn’t often get to buy things for himself and when we are in our hometown, I go to his house more because my parents pay for everything and I help him save his money because he if doesn’t have any he is truly out of luck. Soem days he won’t even eat because he had to use his money on rent of something. But he still manages to go above and behind for me. Always includes me in things he loves to do, picks flowers for me anytime he sees one and buys them when he does have money, he always writes me notes and does sweet things that he knows will make me laugh. He is such a blessing, but of course my brain only focuses on the negative :( he’s so patient with my ocd but I do get tired of bugging him with it.
- Date posted
- 22w
(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.
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