- Date posted
- 1y
Harm OCD tricks
Anyone feel like you are meant to hurt/murder? Like your true identity is the bad guy and you're just struggling to keep him under wraps?
Anyone feel like you are meant to hurt/murder? Like your true identity is the bad guy and you're just struggling to keep him under wraps?
That's the definition of Harm OCD. We must learn to get comfortable with the unknown and let the thoughts pass rather then trying to convince ourselves that it's not who we are. OCD wants you to ruminate on the topic rather then it just being a fleeting thought. Then the thought gets reinforced and OCD will continue to make you question it. We are here for you. You are a beautiful being. One Day At A Time
@kw670 May I ask is there something about yourself you do not like to possibly want you to act out violently? It also makes me think about that being a dominant trait to possibly protect yourself? I’m sorry, I’m just thinking out loud. I am truly sorry you are burdened with these thoughts. I hope this outlet helps you find some peace.
@AverageJane - Personally I believe harm ocd is rooted in suppressed anger..I'd like to believe it's all a brain malfunction, but I believe in my case it has to do with anger.
@AverageJane Nope! It's just OCD tring to convince me that I'm capable of that, due to family history, but I know otherwise. It's just that during flareups the thoughts are more frequent and intense. One Day At A Time!
@JamesMY That’s a very good idea. Suppressing could lead to unhealthy thoughts. Thank you for sharing with me.
@kw670 That’s right - one day at a time! I have a pretty rough family history and I will say with raising my kids I broke that cycle of many things. But my OCD intrusive thoughts worrying about my kids didn’t help 🫠😂❤️
YES which is so hard!! It makes me feel like I’m a monster underneath a mask of kindness, and really messes with my sense self worth. Honestly my ERP helped me a lot with it though, although it does still sometimes come back and try to pull these tricks again.
Yes I am feeling this same way right now. Like I'm just keeping myself from doing it. Like I used to be terrified about these thoughts and now I feel like I'm not afraid of them and maybe I'm my identity is being an evil murderer. It really sucks because I loved who I was before 😢
I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.
So I have harm ocd for sure and I get triggered by some m1rder cases like for some reason my brain gets latched to them and the perpetrators my brain goes ‘what if they’d find you attractive’ ‘would you be one of their victims’ and it feels like they’re watching me, if that makes sense, like they’re watching me, is this a symptom of any type of OCD? Please no judgement I’m super scared and I hate that my brain does this
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
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