Anyone else have a fear of feeling good? I have felt so poorly for so long, that when I have moments of clarity or reduced anxiety it feels wrong and my brain says I should not feel good and I start ruminating about how I’m still ill and need to compulsively check my bodily sensations (heartbeat, breathing, digestion, aches and pains). I just wish my mind could accept that it’s ok to feel well.
Going through this right now. It feels wrong to feel relaxed and happy. I suppose it’s because this feeling has become so unfamiliar now that it triggers anxiety. Commenting here in case anyone has a suggestion how to be familiar with happiness again.
I 100% understand this. I'm so used to feeling awful because of anxiety like I am right now. The constant lightheadedness and worrying about my breathing and pain is too much. Yesterday I had a moment of feeling free of that and I knew because of how I was acting. Now I'm back to square one.
@BigGyro09 The moments of bliss are so fleeting, but at least we still have them at all. I suppose it could be worse. 🤷♂️
@Bidese91 Yeah, that's true. If it could be worse, it could also get better too. I hope.
Totally, so so relate to this
sometimes, to try and prove my fear wrong i’ll be like “ okay, let me think of this REALISTICALLY. would i REALISTICALLY feel this way or do this thing? “ then i come up with scenarios in my head on how i think i would realistically ( or logically ) do something but then my feelings go against that thing i thought of then i start getting anxiety and start to fear that i would actually want my fear to happen or that i’d feel a certain way that proves my fear true. it’s basically just checking how i feel about something i think of to try and prove my fear wrong, checking my emotions or checking how i think i’d realistically feel towards it.. but then i may react “ unrealistically “ it goes wrong and i freak out
Has anyone ever just felt weird? It’s hard to explain but I just feel weird lately. I usually suffer with harm OCD and I feel like lately I’m not reacting to things I normally would. There’s certain things that will trigger me a little but then other times (like over the last few days) it’s like I feel nothing. I’ll get thoughts and because I don’t feel the physical sensation in my chest or get very emotional like I normally would it’s weird to me. Does this mean I’m liking the thoughts now? Or like I’m comfortable with those actions happening? I’m so confused. Has anyone ever gone through this?
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
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