I’m off on holiday with my boyfriend for our first trip away together on Friday. I should be really excited (and a small part of me is) but another part is worried this might be the thing that pushes me over the edge and into ending the relationship. From past experience with friends, I get quite irritable and just switch off. Does anyone have any similar experiences and how did you deal with them? I’m also no longer ‘what if-ing’- just statements ‘you don’t love him’, ‘this is over’ and last night got some physical ‘dropping’ sensations in my stomach which made these thoughts feel real. I’ve found him generally really annoying this weekend which has made me sad because really, he’s not done anything. I had such fight and determination in me 2 months ago that my relationship was what I wanted but now I’m really struggling to feel this. Tips?

When you feel like you wanna break it off give it the "3 day rule". Wait 3 days and generally you feel completely different. I almost broke off my relationship right after I proposed, but luckily she understood anxiety, and held on while I took some time to get my mind in control, and I've never been happier with anyone.

That’s really great advice! I’ll bare that in mind- thanks :)

Firstly I’m just going to say that it’s normal to be irritated by someone on holiday! :) Secondly, the change of scenery may be good for you. The sunshine and relaxed atmosphere can make your mental health 10000x better. Which can then lead to you being more positive about your relationship x

Really? Seems to be a pattern for me. And I am really hoping so. I won’t be able to google or anything & I’ll be relying on him a lot so hopefully it’ll help a bit. Thank you x

This may be a form of checking. I do this too and it scares the shit out of me. Because then I question why I would even think that. I think it's just another layer of OCD. It wants to stay alive and every time I make progress my brain adds another layer. I recently read a blog from a leading relationship anxiety therapist. Her perspective is that ROCD is really a projection of your doubts about yourself into your SO. She said love is not about the feelings you get or what you are getting from the relationship, it's about what you give. Your love is an action.

Can I ask what the blog was? I’d be interested to read. That also makes a lot of sense to be fair. The way I’m feeling at the moment (unhappy, doubt, negative) is really affecting my relationship and I’m finding it hard to accept this as OCD because I’m not anxious. It does feel like I get my head around one way OCD comes at me so it tries a new tactic- does that make sense?

https://conscious-transitions.com. I get it, I have very similar issues. ROCD is so difficult because when we do feel like we're making headway another scary thought will come up. For me, a lot of my OCD revolves around the anticipation of feeling anxious. Your stomach dropping when you have your thoughts is anxiety. It's not a feeling. I think my OCD is fighting right now because I have made a choice to really do the opposite. I'm going to love harder. I'm going to give so much love and now worry about what I get back. I KNOW deep inside what my husband means to me. I can withstand any type of anxiety just to be with him

Thank you, I’ll read that now! And I get that. You’re super brave to take this on and your outlook on it is really great! I’m struggling because 2 months ago I was ridiculously anxious but knew my feelings for my partner were strong (I loved him and wanted to make it work) but now I just don’t have those strong fighting feelings. I know I care and I really do want to make it work but that determination has gone which makes me worry too.