- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
When you feel like you wanna break it off give it the "3 day rule". Wait 3 days and generally you feel completely different. I almost broke off my relationship right after I proposed, but luckily she understood anxiety, and held on while I took some time to get my mind in control, and I've never been happier with anyone.
That’s really great advice! I’ll bare that in mind- thanks :)
Firstly I’m just going to say that it’s normal to be irritated by someone on holiday! :) Secondly, the change of scenery may be good for you. The sunshine and relaxed atmosphere can make your mental health 10000x better. Which can then lead to you being more positive about your relationship x
Really? Seems to be a pattern for me. And I am really hoping so. I won’t be able to google or anything & I’ll be relying on him a lot so hopefully it’ll help a bit. Thank you x
This may be a form of checking. I do this too and it scares the shit out of me. Because then I question why I would even think that. I think it's just another layer of OCD. It wants to stay alive and every time I make progress my brain adds another layer. I recently read a blog from a leading relationship anxiety therapist. Her perspective is that ROCD is really a projection of your doubts about yourself into your SO. She said love is not about the feelings you get or what you are getting from the relationship, it's about what you give. Your love is an action.
Can I ask what the blog was? I’d be interested to read. That also makes a lot of sense to be fair. The way I’m feeling at the moment (unhappy, doubt, negative) is really affecting my relationship and I’m finding it hard to accept this as OCD because I’m not anxious. It does feel like I get my head around one way OCD comes at me so it tries a new tactic- does that make sense?
https://conscious-transitions.com. I get it, I have very similar issues. ROCD is so difficult because when we do feel like we're making headway another scary thought will come up. For me, a lot of my OCD revolves around the anticipation of feeling anxious. Your stomach dropping when you have your thoughts is anxiety. It's not a feeling. I think my OCD is fighting right now because I have made a choice to really do the opposite. I'm going to love harder. I'm going to give so much love and now worry about what I get back. I KNOW deep inside what my husband means to me. I can withstand any type of anxiety just to be with him
Thank you, I’ll read that now! And I get that. You’re super brave to take this on and your outlook on it is really great! I’m struggling because 2 months ago I was ridiculously anxious but knew my feelings for my partner were strong (I loved him and wanted to make it work) but now I just don’t have those strong fighting feelings. I know I care and I really do want to make it work but that determination has gone which makes me worry too.
I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years and before we went on holiday all I wanted was to get engaged (or so I thought, because people kept saying when are you getting married, when will you have a baby?) and I’m happy the way we are. Then on holiday my BF joked about buying me an engagement present and I had a panic attack and two whole days of worrying, “does this mean I don’t love him anymore, is there something wrong with me”, even picturing myself not being happy on my wedding day so my imagination went wild. I know deep down I don’t ever see a life without him but I feel pressured to follow the path everybody does and I’m just not ready to get married but I’m 34 and people (society) say that’s what I should be doing. I know that I do love my BF very much, we live together and have a pet, so I’m very much committed, but since then I’ve been having urges to ‘check’ I still love him, for example if we cuddle do I feel a certain way, or having constant thoughts in the third person like “she doesn’t deserve him, she is a bad person, she is lying, she doesn’t feel anything” and the thoughts whizz around constantly. I know that this is my condition but I have a wonderful relationship and I am turning cold and distant because I feel so depressed and empty most days. ?
Going away today with my boyfriend for our anniversary, PLEASE someone tell me how I can calm down my ROCD thoughts and not ruin the holiday? I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE I LOVE HIM ?
My boyfriend and I got in a disagreement that triggered me to start having bad thoughts again and obviously couples argue. But in my head it's like " no couple should argue. Maybe it's not right" On top of that he's taking a trip back home for a week. & I keep thinking “ that’s too long. When he comes back you won’t like him anymore “
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond