- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
When you feel like you wanna break it off give it the "3 day rule". Wait 3 days and generally you feel completely different. I almost broke off my relationship right after I proposed, but luckily she understood anxiety, and held on while I took some time to get my mind in control, and I've never been happier with anyone.
- Date posted
- 5y
That’s really great advice! I’ll bare that in mind- thanks :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Firstly I’m just going to say that it’s normal to be irritated by someone on holiday! :) Secondly, the change of scenery may be good for you. The sunshine and relaxed atmosphere can make your mental health 10000x better. Which can then lead to you being more positive about your relationship x
- Date posted
- 5y
Really? Seems to be a pattern for me. And I am really hoping so. I won’t be able to google or anything & I’ll be relying on him a lot so hopefully it’ll help a bit. Thank you x
- Date posted
- 5y
This may be a form of checking. I do this too and it scares the shit out of me. Because then I question why I would even think that. I think it's just another layer of OCD. It wants to stay alive and every time I make progress my brain adds another layer. I recently read a blog from a leading relationship anxiety therapist. Her perspective is that ROCD is really a projection of your doubts about yourself into your SO. She said love is not about the feelings you get or what you are getting from the relationship, it's about what you give. Your love is an action.
- Date posted
- 5y
Can I ask what the blog was? I’d be interested to read. That also makes a lot of sense to be fair. The way I’m feeling at the moment (unhappy, doubt, negative) is really affecting my relationship and I’m finding it hard to accept this as OCD because I’m not anxious. It does feel like I get my head around one way OCD comes at me so it tries a new tactic- does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 5y
https://conscious-transitions.com. I get it, I have very similar issues. ROCD is so difficult because when we do feel like we're making headway another scary thought will come up. For me, a lot of my OCD revolves around the anticipation of feeling anxious. Your stomach dropping when you have your thoughts is anxiety. It's not a feeling. I think my OCD is fighting right now because I have made a choice to really do the opposite. I'm going to love harder. I'm going to give so much love and now worry about what I get back. I KNOW deep inside what my husband means to me. I can withstand any type of anxiety just to be with him
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you, I’ll read that now! And I get that. You’re super brave to take this on and your outlook on it is really great! I’m struggling because 2 months ago I was ridiculously anxious but knew my feelings for my partner were strong (I loved him and wanted to make it work) but now I just don’t have those strong fighting feelings. I know I care and I really do want to make it work but that determination has gone which makes me worry too.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety
- Date posted
- 19w
I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w
for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?
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