I’m the 6th guy my gf has kissed and it freaks me out because she’s only the 2nd girl I’ve kissed. I hate that I feel this way but I feel like I missed out on kissing people. I wanna marry this girl so much. I don’t want to break up. But I feel weird that I’ve only kissed 2 girls to her 6! I hate this. My stomachs hurts so bad. I feel so scummy
Everyone has a past. Where they've been doesn't matter, it's where they are now. I was dating someone who slept with over 10 times the amount of people I slept with. Was a really high number. I didn't care about that.just focus on what you have now. Past will stay the past if you leave it be
@Invalid Thanks for sharing this. It’s very helpful
Don’t feel weird. I would rather have less people in my past that I’ve had those types of interactions with, than more. I would actually rather for me to have no past experiences before my bf but I can’t change the past, it isn’t a competition, and it certainly isn’t something you need to be worried by. I’ve had a very big past and truly I’m not proud of it and wish that there wasn’t anyone before my bf.
@SadUnicorn3 I’m not sure how to get over it. It makes me feel lesser. Ofc she says that’s not true and she regrets most of them but it still hurts for some stupid reason
@itsbgb It hurts because you have retroactive jealousy. Look it up. I’ve been there before and used to feel physically ill thinking about my partners past (I have a much bigger past than him btw) but I have accepted that was his past before he met me, same with how my past is before him, as much as I wish I could change it I don’t want him feeling sad over things that happened way before I met him and if I knew he would come along then I never would’ve had a past to begin with
@SadUnicorn3 Thanks this makes sense. I just don’t know now how to get passes it. I’m fine for a while, but then I’m reminded of it, and suddenly I start a downward spiral. I get better at forgetting about it, but I can’t seem to just except it and not care.
@itsbgb It’s maybe to do with the fact you have some insecurities around it? That’s why I used to worry about my partners past - because I was a very insecure person then. I’m still insecure but have gotten better - so I don’t feel bothered as much now. I remind myself I can’t be bothered when he has accepted me for who I am regardless of what happened before him. What happened before him does not matter to me and isn’t relevant - vice versa. A therapist could help you work through those insecurities. Maybe verbalise to your gf exactly what is bothering you about it and she may be able to give you some comfort with her words? Maybe
@SadUnicorn3 Should I be so bothered that I haven’t kissed near as many girls as she has guys? I don’t want to care
@itsbgb I can’t tell you how you should feel about situations as I’m not you, but coming from an outsiders POV - no. Don’t be bothered because your gf did not know you then, I’m sure if she knew you would come along that she wouldn’t have done those things. But you can’t and I repeat CANNOT hold someone’s past against them, especially when they did not know you. The thought of her being with another person makes you anxious ofcorse no one wants to think about their partner in that situation, but just remind yourself that was before you and her began your relationship. Something neither of you have control over. Ask yourself this - would you want her to feel bad about the fact you have a past with other girls? No because she is your girl and she’s your number one priority - no other girl matters in that way… so just put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if she felt sad because of your past (wether you had a big past or not) you wouldn’t want the PAST to affect your PRESENT or FUTURE, right? This is coming from someone who genuinely used to feel so anxious and sad over my boyfriends very small past. I have felt affected by my own too in the way of I wish that I had waited for my bf, and I’m sure your girlfriend is the same towards you I’m sure if she could she would have waited for you… I think you may feel that she has some sort of attachment to those past experiences, or that she thinks about them etc? Is that what you’re worried about? Because I can tell you if she really loves you she would not actively choose to think about or fantasise about her past. She would want to move on from it and leave it in the past. When you are bringing it up, it’s causing her to think about it (something else I’ve learned from bringing up my bfs past) hope this helps!
@SadUnicorn3 Thank you for talking so much about this with me. I really appreciate the time. I really really love her. Hopefully I can get through this. Thanks again
@itsbgb It’s okay I have been there before. Just try to remind yourself of those things because truly I’m at a better place with worrying about those kinds of things, if they ever pop up I just say “no” and try to not think about it, well just try and put my energy into something else. I’m sure your gf loves you just as much as you love her and she wouldn’t want you to feel affected by that sort of stuff.
@itsbgb Whatever happened before you came into her life is irrelevant as she didn’t know you and therefore couldn’t have done anything against you. I don’t even remember all of girls I kissed before I married 35 years ago. It never mattered and we have never even discussed it. Move forward and be happy from where you two began together.
you’re girlfriends better than me i have 20 plus bodies which was a response of trauma but i feel so worthless be appreciative that’s so good for our generation
hey, i hear you. that sounds really tough and those feelings are super intense. 😣 hang in there, you're not alone. i've been in that loop before and what really helped me was this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) my therapist recommended. it'll be especially helpful for you because it gives personalized step-by-step support when your OCD latches onto these thoughts, just like an OCD therapist would with ERP. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3
@JenniesOCDBrain Thank you I might take you up on that
so about 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend had our first kiss and afterwards i felt very uncomfortable and off and very like dirty and i felt really upset and i couldn’t pinpoint why but i eventually did, and i think it may of been a trigger because in the past i was sexually assaulted so it may have been an unexpected trigger for me, and now i feel like I’ve lost some feelings of attraction and it’s scaring me because i don’t want to not be attracted to my girlfriend and i also have become quite numb to my feelings for her, i hope it’s temporary thought but it may be my mind protected itself by suppressing my feelings and attraction and making me numb because of the sexual assault and the kiss i think triggered me, but im not sure, im really confused and could use some advice
Hey guys so I was having really bad anxiety and asked my bf to hug me because I felt anxious and then he just started full on kissing me and looking up with me and I felt like I hated it and felt SEVERE anxiety. I feel like I truly am a lesbian, does intimacy or kissing make some of You guys anxious?? Im spiralling
Idk if it’s ocd or not. But I’m feeling so guilty for thinking this. It’s bothered me since I started dating my bf. We been together 9 months now and he’s 5’8 and I’m 5’0. I understand how shallow and stupid it is to care about height. As every guy I spoke to has been about 5’8-5’10 idk why I care. It’s been bothering me how much I care about it. I’m in love with him so much but it isn’t getting out of my head how “I wish he was a little taller” I don’t want him to be 6’ or anything but even a bit taller. He’s also just smaller too and I feel so damn bad saying this and thinking it. He knew I felt this way in the beginning cuz someone told me and I told him it’s not how I felt now and I grew to love him so much so idc and it is true I don’t care he’s taller than me so who cares? And he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to lose him. I have never ever felt this way for anyone ever I want to marry this man but I can’t stop fucking thinking this and it’s causing me so much guilt I don’t know what to do
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