FALSE MEMORY

Anyone suffer with false memory ocd? I am at my wits end with this now. My ocd has always focused on either my sexuality (which is the milder one) or hurting a child perhaps in a sexual way (the most awful one ever). The thought I have at the moment revolves around sleeping in the same bed as my niece. The ocd keeps saying to me “what if when you were asleep you put your leg over her and your bits touched her?” I just cannot get this horrid thought out of my head. I think I am a disgusting person to have this thought. I keep saying that I would remember and arguing with the ocd but it comes back with another what if...... I cannot bear this any longer and just feel like ending it all. I lost my mum two years ago and am really struggling. I have had a lot of traumatic events in the last few years and now this pathetic ocd comes up with this after years. I hate it. I have a counsellor and for a few days I can see it for what it is then I tumble back down into the black pit. Can anyone help please? Xx

Someone reply ? I am absolutely shattered, my whole body aches, maybe I got an hour sleep if I was lucky, but don't remember sleeping at all. It's clear to me that I can not sleep round anyone's house but my own. I slept at a friend's because of my pocd because I'm so scared of my head. I told my cousin about my intrusive thoughts whilst a bit drunk last night by text, I said I had to stay at a friend's but I lied and changed my ocd into a different thing. Because it was clear to me that she wondered why I avoid my nephew. So I said I was worried I'd throw him out the window. Cause of course I couldn't say I'm worried everyone will think I'm a pedo cause I think I look shifty in the face around kids. And she said why are you worried about throwing him out the window he is just a little boy. Well of course that made me feel absolutely shit, and now I'm worried she'll tell everyone. I made it clear that I'd never act on the thoughts and she said oh I get it. But she might tell people in the family. And then everyone will think I'm horrible. Someone help. Also anyone know how I can make myself sleep when I get home when he has hopefully gone home? Also I feel so bad about not staying because he begged me to stay ?

My pocd has been so so awful this year i absolutely hate it. it gives me so many intrusive thoughts that plays into real events / false memories. An incident happened today and i cannot stop panicking. I was laying on the sofa as my head was sort of hurting and i was sleeping. My younger cousin came to get the remote from me and before she did i moved my head away from her and then closed my eyes and waited for her to move bc close contact makes me anxious. But here’s the thing. i’m freaking out because what if i moved my head back so it brushes past her private area? did it brush past her? were my intentions bad?? 😭 and the thing that makes this feel more real is the fact before she came over to pick the remote up, she called my name to change the channel but i didn’t reply and i think i knew she’d come over to get it. i think maybe that’s why i opened my eyes to move the control but by that time she had already come over. am i a bad person? literally an hour before this i was holding my breath when she was next to me because i didn’t want to breathe too much as it may make the sofa move underneath me which she was sitting on too. i feel like the worst person ever & i deserve to die 😭💔