Waiting for the drop.

I’m always waiting for the next horrible event to happen, and it’s sapping the joy out of my good days. I’m just waiting for the next time the house needs a major repair, or I’m waiting for the next family member to die horribly (even though no one is sick right now). I’m waiting for the next time my relationship takes a dive due to miscommunication. I’m preventing myself from making art my career because I’m convinced I’ll just mess it up, or I’m convinced no one would pay actual money for something I’ve made. I won’t go back to school because I’m convinced I’ll fail again, or worse, I’ll be too focused on myself to take care of my family. I’m so sure that everyone I’m close with in my life secretly hates me, and I know it’s the OCD but some days I’m just waiting for them to tell me I’m right, or I’m waiting for them to all leave me. I know I’ve felt joy, love, and acceptance at one point in my life, but those warm feelings don’t reach my heart when I’m stuck waiting for the next moment life kicks the chair out from under me.

Username: AshleyAlumAshleyAlum

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w ago

Yup, I remember these days. I’ve seen many people describe this exact feeling. I used to describe it as “I felt like I was in a horror movie all the time, just waiting for the jump scare.” The good thing is you do know it’s OCD! If you’re able to get therapy and possibly medication, these symptoms can lessen and possibly go away! Especially with big concepts like going back to school, changing careers, or family health - the reality is that you don’t know if “failure” is going to happen. Accepting that uncertainty and appreciating the peace of the moment can help. I used to tell myself “nothing is happening right now, and I love that”

Username: PhishFoodPhishFood

Date posted: 49w ago

@AshleyAlum Thank you for the solidarity ☺️ my primary doctor and I are going to talk about medication next week (at my therapist’s gentle suggestion). I’m nervous (big whoop- we’re all nervous here lol) because I didn’t like the SSRIs I was on for postpartum depression, but I’m at that point where the need for change is so palpable, I can literally feel it in my bones. I’m going to use that lovely mantra you have too. 😊 thank you again for your kindness.

Username: AshleyAlumAshleyAlum

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w ago

@PhishFood I’m glad you’re talking about medication. When I was in the state you were in, I really felt like I needed medication to jump start my recovery. And there are plenty of SSRIs and doses. Don’t be afraid to ask for an adjustment down the road if you think you need one. Also, I’m sure there are some PCPs who are knowledgeable about psych medication, but if you need more specialized advice, a psychiatrist can be a helpful doctor to add to your care team.

Username: PhishFoodPhishFood

Date posted: 49w ago

@AshleyAlum My son’s therapist actually sent me referrals if I wanted to go down the route of adding a psychiatrist to my health support team! After I gather the information I feel I need from my primary, I’ll most likely seek out a psychiatrist and go from there. I’m just grateful that I’m learning so much about OCD now, so I can be the best support I can be for my son when he’s struggling too.

Username: MichaelOLangleyMichaelOLangley

Date posted: 49w ago

hey there, i can feel the weight you're carrying and how exhausting it must be to live in anticipation like that. it sounds really tough to be stuck in a loop of "what ifs" and fears about the future. i admire the strength it takes to share your struggles and the insight you have about your ocd. have you heard about "unstuck"? it's this ai therapy tool for ocd that might be up your alley (unstuckmyocd.com/try). it's been a game changer for me this past month and could offer some support for those rough days. ☀️ another forum member tipped me off about it, and honestly, i just wish i had stumbled upon it sooner!

Username: PhishFoodPhishFood

Date posted: 49w ago

@MichaelOLangley I will have to check this one out for sure! Thank you so much for your kind words of solidarity, and for the website referral! ☺️

Username: ironmind365

Date posted: 48w ago

Triggered by good times

Does anyone else struggle with always searching for something to be wrong, especially in good times? When things are good or I get good news I am looking for the next terrible possibility.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 34w ago

Worried something bad will happen

Is this an OCD thing: just the general sense of worry or dread something bad may happen in the future? For example: planning a trip, and the thought "you could die by then!" Or something similar but related to loved ones?

Username: maymay0_5

Date posted: 25w ago

What comes up must come down(?)

I feel as though my life has been going a little TOO well recently and that something catastrophic is going to happen in order to "balance everything out" or make me feel less happy. It's preventing me from living in the moment and enjoying what's happening right now. Has anyone ever experienced this type of anxiety? Any tips on how to handle it?

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Waiting for the drop.

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