hocd

For as long as i can remember i have always been boy crazy. I have always had crushes on men, had sexual interactions with them, etc. I’ve never thought about a woman in that way. I remember around 2021 I had a “what if I were gay?” thought but after around a week it went away. Now the thought is back but 100x worse. Mid December 2023 i suddenly got the thoughts again. I can’t really pinpoint what triggered it, but it may have been the TV show I was watching. In the show a woman around her 30’s dated men and even married one but then all the sudden ended up marrying a woman later on. I starting to think “what if that happens to me?” I couldn’t fall asleep for days and would cry throughout the day. I eventually told my mom about this as I kept having anxiety attacks and she said well if you don’t only like men then that’s ok. But the thing is that I want to like men. I’ve always imagined my life with a husband and kids. I don’t understand how something like this could happen basically overnight. I used started therapy for my anxiety but how do I bring this topic up? Does anyone who has soocd/hocd think this sounds like ocd or could I really just be in denial. My days now consist of these persistent thoughts. I’m always on here or reddit/quora looking up my symptoms to see if anyone else feels the same. i don’t wanna feel like this anymore. i wanna go back to november when i didn’t have these thoughts. I’m still having the thoughts about a month later but the anxiety isn’t as bad which is making me feel worse. i feel like i should be more anxious considering i want to be straight. this isn’t me.

Username: ….mmocd….mmocd

Date posted: 47w ago

i feel like i’m just lying to myself now

Username: ocdsufferer101ocdsufferer101

Date posted: 47w ago

This defo does sound like ocd tendencies especially with the googling to confirm ur feelings etc, try search up some ocd therapy techniques :)

Username: ….mmocd….mmocd

Date posted: 47w ago

@ocdsufferer101 thank you sm for responding

Username: mi.tmi.t

Date posted: 47w ago

this does sound like strong ocd tendencies and intrusive thought patterns to me. i personally am a gay woman, and when i came to terms with that as i grew up and matured, it felt exciting and freeing that i get to live on my own terms and as who i really am. coming out to myself was liberating, even if a some nervousness was involved. it was not at all like what you are saying here. it was not anxiety/panic attacks and the debilitating thoughts you are describing here. i hope that makes sense. not trying to give reassurance, since it's a compulsion, but trying to put things into perspective for you, hope it helps and feel better ❤️

Username: ….mmocd….mmocd

Date posted: 47w ago

@mi.t thank you so much that definitely changed my perspective

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w ago

@mi.t Yeah like I’m scared one day I’m gonna come out and come to term. Like I know that I want to be straight as I’ve always identified. Like did you obsess over your sexual orientation 24/7?

Username: ….mmocd….mmocd

Date posted: 47w ago

@Anonymous yes i’m almost always thinking about my sexuality. i want to be straight as i’ve been all my life. but my mind is telling me differently. this sucks

Username: mi.tmi.t

Date posted: 47w ago

@Anonymous i hadn't yet developed ocd nor any symptoms when i came to terms with my sexuality

Username: BiancaSawyer13BiancaSawyer13

Date posted: 47w ago

Hey there, first off, I want to say you're so brave for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I completely hear what you said about your intense thoughts that appeared out of nowhere and seem to be unshakeable 🔒. Seriously, grappling with such anxious thoughts that don’t align with how you feel about yourself takes an exceptional level of strength. I thought I'd share with you something neat that's been a lifeline for me during my own battle with OCD, an AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try). A user in my support group recommended it and honestly, I wish I knew about it earlier. It will be especially helpful for you, specifically with your current thoughts and feelings, because this AI does a great job at providing personalized guidance just like an actual OCD therapist would, walking you through step-by-step support when OCD gets really tough. If you have any questions about the app or just want to chat more about this, know that I'm here for you. You're less alone than you think. 💪🏽

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: hlm2

Date posted: 2y ago

Hocd

So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: evilsnail999

Date posted: 1y ago

Suspected HOCD

Sharing my story as I don’t know how to go on/to see if others can relate… I have been suffering with these thoughts for almost 5 months now, triggered by a very specific event. For context, I have only ever had crushes on girls/girlfriends and never had any sort of attraction to men - the vision I had of my future was always with a beautiful wife and kids. I have never felt compelled to have these crushes/visions, they just came very naturally. With that said, a very very small part of me was curious to maybe try and have sex with a guy just once to see what it was like. I never expected this to actually happen but it did, 5 months ago. Long story short, it was an experience I really really didn’t like or enjoy (I left halfway through), and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with a man again. However, ever since, I have had debilitating intrusive thoughts about being gay and actually liking the experience even though I know deep down it’s not for me. I now get really anxious around the same sex (especially people I do not know) for fear of some sort of false attraction to them and find myself ‘noticing’ them more, which is causing significant distress. On the flip side, I feel like my attraction towards girls has diminished, which is just as if not more distressing, as I always found my attractions to girls happened often and naturally (I.e. not forced in the slightest). It feels like my life has been completely taken over and it feels so lonely sometimes. Any form of intimacy with a girl now feels like a mountain to climb - I’m scared that if I’m not 100% attracted to a girl instantly or enjoy intimacy 100%, that must be proof that I’m not straight. A lot of my time now is spent checking my previous sexual encounters for ‘proof’ that I’m straight but I have a crippling fear that I’m lying to myself and all the genuine attraction I have felt towards women must be a lie. Even though deep down I know I am straight, the thoughts feel so real and convincing. They seem to attack all the values/genuine visions of my life that I have, and I just want to return to being as carefree as I was before this whole thing.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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