Scared to stop compulsions

I did some gross compulsions, i do them because i think that if i do them i get rid of thoughts ( cause i don’t want them) that’s why I do compulsions but people do them to check am I a p? I’m terrified I can’t do it. What if im different I don’t think I heard about someone that did compulsions to get rid of thoughts that’s why but to check omg im terrified

No matter what task I’m doing. If I have an intrusive thought I have to redo the task or just just completely move on to something else. I’m Christian and I struggle with scrupulosity. I feel like I have to repeat task to keep everyone safe. I’m tired of this. I know ERP is the key and I have to stand up to the thoughts but they are just so scary. I know God is with me and I’m suppose to have faith but again I’m just so scared. I can’t even fully go into detail about my theme because I don’t want to type it out. I’m in therapy and I’m told to lean into the discomfort but it just seems like an impossible thing for me to do.

I can’t come to terms with script writing my worst fears coming true. Especially when they are in relation to harm. Those thoughts attack my son and those that I hold the closet to my heart. It honestly makes my anxiety so bad just thinking about it. Or going along with a thought like “Oh yeah I’m totally going to do that”. It just in turn makes me feel like I’m agreeing with the thought. I’m having so much conflicting feelings/thoughts in terms of ERP at this point.