Scared to stop compulsions

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

i don’t think i can, i can’t stomach the possibility of these things, or maybe i can (because they might be true and deep down i know that) and just don’t want to and want to pretend it isn’t there. i can’t do ERP, i just want to pretend it isnt there and won’t happen to clarify, i know i have to do ERP, i know it’s necessary; i don’t need to be told this, this is just how i am feeling currently

I’ve noticed that I’m somewhat happier also ignoring my thoughts than I am instead of doing compulsions (I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired atp) but I’ve heard you’re technically supposed to do erp rather than pushing under the rug. But idk if I have a thought I just refuse to think about it again and im fine even if I want to do compulsions