I’ve never had an official diagnosis but I’m in a miserable place right now. I experience terrible anxiety (usually pass out whenever I have a panic attack) but what has been bothering me is this overwhelming sense of guilt. I keep ruminating over conversations and events, so much so that I feel ashamed of everything I’ve said or done. Moreover, every time I hear, watch or read something even remotely related to a less than positive experience in my life, I feel overcome with fear and tend to escape into this make-believe world where an idealized version of myself articulately clarifies whatever I’ve said or done. All this has reached a point where I feel racked with guilt even about the few things I might’ve achieved or the happy times I’ve had in the past: can’t help but think that the only reason I experienced them is because I had the comfort and opportunities to do so (I feel like I’ve robbed someone else of their chances because I haven’t earned any of this). I’ve started feeling like I lack a moral compass, and my thoughts are torturing me. Every time I overcome one intrusive thought, another come rushes in and so forth. It’s like I want to remain miserable. I posted it here because I’ve been trying to figure out what this isn’t and from whatever I’ve read so far, the symptoms seem most like ocd. I’m planning to go to a therapist soon but feel terrified about sharing all this!

I'm not a doctor, nurse or therapist but it definitely sounds like OCD to me. I have been diagnosed and I'm going through the same thing right now. It's absolutely terrifying and it takes over your entire life. Please don't be afraid to tell a therapist! They've heard all of this and more before. Please see a therapist as soon as you can. Even talking about it will help. I'm here for you if I can help!

I’m not a therapist , but what you’re describing is completely consistent with OCD. It’s great that you plan to go to a therapist , that shows that you recognize that this isn’t fair to you and that you deserve to have a life devoid of this constant stress , and even more , that you realize something is going on here. You say that you think you lack a moral compass and I actually disagree completely. If you didn’t have a moral compass , you wouldn’t be feeling guilt right now and you wouldn’t be ruminating about the past ! That’s the opposite of missing a moral compass. You clearly have morals and care very much about the kind of person you are , more so than the average person. While it’s great to care about the person you are , it’s fine not to worry about what you’ve said and done in the past. We all say things we aren’t proud of from time to time , and some amazing people have said and done some horrible things. And many amazing people have very likely had horrible thoughts too , just like anyone. Bad people don’t usually worry about the effects of what they say are on others , they worry about how what they said will impact them. That’s clearly not the case here

I’m not qualified but I know that the key for having a diagnosis is that whatever it is has to really interfere with your life. You’re usually so anxious about —— that you constantly think about it. I suggest reading a book called break free from ocd, it’s really good. It also has an OCI which is a kind of diagnosis professionals give to you. Can you message over here?? Bc I could send a pic over if you would like :)

Thank you for your insights! And yes, I would appreciate you sending the pic!

I’m happy to but I have no clue how?? Can you somehow private message on here, I’m kinda new to the app

To be honest, I don’t know if there is a private messaging feature here! At least I couldn’t find one!