- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@ultimatelyumi Honestly all I can say is thank you. Dealing with can be so hard and so difficult to open up about. This made me cry because it made me realize that i am not alone, it gave me strength made feel like I can do it for once. Thank you..
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Mochi. You want you to know that you are not alone. Yes, I’ve had breakup urges before. In fact, I had it when I had confessed to doing something terrible (and it wasn’t OCD this time) so it was worse. I felt terrible, pulling him in with “please don’t go” then telling him “no. I’m hurting you. I don’t deserve you” (somewhere along the lines). I understand the confusion and hurt. I understand the thoughts that tell you to let go of him. But to think if you have ROCD or not, you don’t have to solve that question. Accept uncertainty, it is absolutely okay to not know (: If you feel the thoughts again to break up with him, come back to this: 1. Breathe. Mindfulness: you deserve to know and be in the present. Observe your surroundings, feel the earth you are standing on. Look at your hand. Is the sky blue? Breathe in, take it in. Feel your heartbeat. If you’re breathing terribly: do the 4-7-8 breathing. (With mouth inhales, exhales.) 4 for inhale. 7 for holding in breath. 8 four exhale with whoosh sound. 2. Tell your boyfriend that you have this compulsion. I know it gives you relief, but these compulsions can hurt your loved ones. Sometimes they take it too personally, they get hurt. Even if they try to understand, they will feel a way about it. Tell him not to give you reassurance such as “I know you’re a good person. I know this is your OCD”. But apologize, for your compulsions. Talk to him. Give him a talk. Sometimes, it can lead to bottled emotions. Tell him about your anxiety, how grateful you are to have him, that things are difficult, and that you are sorry. Apologize. 3. Accept that this is an OCD thought. It is a thought. Can you control this thought? No. You cannot. But you know what you can do? You can control... your actions. example: OCD telling you that you don’t deserve them and that you should break up with them. You feel anxiety, you want to cry. You feel panicked but you fear it’s the right choice. But here is when ACT comes in. Observe the thought. Accept it. Let yourself feel the terribly pain feeling anxiety that makes you cry at night and wonder “oh god.” Then remember about your values. You want to stay with him. Even though you feel like you don’t, YOU know you want to yourself. You probably want to be a good girlfriend and stay with this love of your life. The person that makes you laugh, that makes you smile. Does breaking up with him with no absolute reason (besides anxiety) correspond with your values? No. It doesn’t. But staying with him, is staying committed to your values. You accept the thought, the anxiety, Remember your values And stay committed to them. Don’t let OCD keep you from being the girlfriend you want to be. Don’t let the anxiety keep you away from your values. Act on your values. Even if it hurts. Not your thoughts. (: hope it works out. Come back anytime!! ☀️?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@aholcomb17 I am soooo sorry I replied late omggg!! If you’re looking for a way to relieve your anxiety or figure out your anxiety (in a compulsion way) please skip. If not, and you are just wondering, I believe that the thoughts do not affect you anymore if they don’t bring anxiety. It simply doesn’t trigger your OCD (:
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@mochi Your response touched my heart so much!!! I felt alone too,, I felt lost and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I needed something or someone to explain what the heck was happening to me. You are strong enough. I believe in you,, everything’s going to be okay (:
- Date posted
- 5y ago
How do you beat it? It has lead to the ending of 2 relationships for me I believe. I hadn't try to date someone for 5 years. Got involved with someone and it happened all over again with the thoughts, worries and anxiety.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
How do you distinguish between instincts/reality and ocd thoughts? I find it’s a constant battle within me
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Hockeyguy2019, I’m so sorry it led to that ending. Nobody ever wants that. I believe that when all the thoughts, worries and anxiety comes back, it hits hard. Since you have not been able to fight through it initially, and maybe it came back when someone finally important came into your life. There is ERP and CBT and ACT. ACT is basically looking at your thoughts and letting it through, while staying committed to your values. ERP is exposing yourself to situations that give you anxiety. So that (what I say) an immunity builds up towards it. This can be - letting yourself close to someone else, kissing your gf’s when OCD makes you feel like you shouldn’t, etc. Try giving yourself 2-5 months to work on your ERP. Stay strict on your schedule,, Good luck.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Did you ever have break up urges? Like do your doubts ever get so bad that you constantly want to break up with your SO? How do you stop from acting out on them? Its been happening to me a lot lately and I know that by pushing him away then pulling him back im just hurting and confusing him but i can't stop the doubts feel too real. I honestly don't even know if I even have rocd or if we're just doomed..
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Michi, yes I have had that. I often looked for reassurance from family members that I was in the right relationship. I over analyzed everything. I had good times and bad times. Imagine to yourself if you do break up. How would you feel then? Like you lost someone special. It's like a double edged sword these thoughts
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you for the advice. It's just disappointing because she is not in my life and wishing she was now. Now I am left with the should of could would of regrets now.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Em4706 Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I was busy! I can tell you’re trying to figure out whether something is not OCD or is OCD/your anxiety. Simply, that is a question often asked in a form of reassurance? Is “Did I really do (insert bad thing) here or is it my OCD” or “Do I love him or is it just my OCD” familiar? These two are examples of your question. The best thing to do is be uncertain - you don’t have to know whether it’s OCD or not. If you feel anxious about the consequences, feel them. Welcome them (: sometimes, this question is something that shouldn’t be answered. (Unless you want harmful short term relief). Hope that helps you out. Good luck (: you’ll make it. Keep fighting the battle, take breaks, just remember, take it one day at a time ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
What do you do when you have a thought and get anxious and obsess but at the same time don’t seem to care and just have no clarity
- Date posted
- 5y ago
If it doesn’t trigger my ocd does that make the thoughts true ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Maybe it does make it true, or maybe it doesn’t. Try and understand that it’s best to accept the horrible deathly feeling of not knowing whether it is or not. Then go on with your day as if you never had the thought. Continue being productive (:
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I don’t want it to be true :(
- Date posted
- 5y ago
If it’s not true then why do the thoughts feel real and true despite the anxiety
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi everyone, I’m Andrea and I am a member of the Intake Team here at NOCD. In junior high, I was known as the “aneurysm girl” because I was convinced any small headache meant I was dying. At just 12 years old, I read something that triggered my OCD, and from that moment on, my brain latched onto catastrophic health fears. Any strange sensation in my body felt like proof that something was seriously wrong. I constantly sought reassurance, avoided being alone, and felt trapped in an endless cycle of fear. Over time, my OCD shifted themes, but health anxiety was always there, lurking in the background. I turned to drinking to numb my mind, trying to escape the fear that never let up. Then, in 2016, everything spiraled. I was sitting at work, feeling completely fine, when suddenly my vision felt strange—something was “off.” My mind convinced me I was having a stroke. I called an ambulance, launching myself into one of the darkest periods of my life. I visited doctors multiple times a week, terrified I was dying, yet every test came back normal. The fear never loosened its grip. For years, I cycled in and out of therapy, desperately trying to find answers, but no one recognized what was really happening. I was always told I had anxiety or depression, but OCD was never mentioned. I was suicidal, believing I would never escape the torment of my mind. It wasn’t until 2022—after years of struggling, hitting rock bottom, and finally seeking specialized OCD treatment—that I got the right diagnosis. ERP therapy at NOCD was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Today, I’m 34, sober, and living a life I never thought was possible. Do I still have hard days? Absolutely. But I am no longer a prisoner to my fears. The thoughts still come, but they don’t control me anymore. They don’t dictate my every move. Life isn’t perfect, but it no longer knocks me off my feet. If you’re struggling with health OCD or somatic OCD, I see you. I know how terrifying and isolating it can be. But I also know that it can get better. If you have any questions about health & somatic OCD, ERP, and breaking the OCD cycle, I’d love to tell you what I’ve learned first hand. Drop your questions below, and I’ll answer all of them!
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
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