Hi all - so over a period of nearly eight years, I have experienced intense ROCD (relationship OCD) with my partner. Last week we got engaged, this wasn't a huge surprise as we were talking about it for months in advance. My intrusive thoughts tend to flare up really badly in times of change, even positive change. When we graduated university, when we moved to our flat, and when I started my job are all times I've had flare ups so the fact that I'm having another flare up now shouldn't have come as a shock - but I'm finding it so hard to cope with. The night of our engagement, after about five mins of initial anxiety from the shock, I was on cloud nine and couldn't wait to tell friends and family and begin planning our wedding. However, the next day, the rumination began. "Have I made a terrible mistake, do I really love him, am I just settling, everyone is so happy for us but I'm faking my emotions, if we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives together I should be happy, not anxious, etc." this has totally ruined our first week of what should be the happiest time of our lives. There are zero red flags in our relationship, in fact, the night before we got engaged I remember thinking to myself that I had honestly never been happier. I'm super lucky in that my partner knows about my anxiety, is so thoughtful, and has been constantly reassuring me that all will be well, we've been here before countless times and have always come through. My parents and best friends have also been super supportive as they know what my triggers are, and I've had some lovely messages from them. I'm looking for good coping mechanisms for how to deal with the thoughts and stop putting pressure on myself, as I'm currently stuck in that horrid cycle of endless reassurance and spikes and it's doing me no good at all. Can anyone who has ever been in a similar situation help? X

2 months ago I started suffering from ROCD. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 6 years and everything has always felt so effortless and safe. I didn’t know that I had OCD when this started and I felt like something had taken over my mind. Out of nowhere I was questioning everything. Weather I was attracted to him or not, if I loved him, watching every single thing he does and says and micro analyzing if I like it or not. At first when I realized I had OCD i felt relief. But ever since then its just felt like the thoughts have gotten more complicated and confusing. After learning it was OCD I realized that I had been experiencing it since at least the age of 11. It started with SOCD which was debilitating for months to the point of having emotional breakdowns every night. I was eventually able to let it go but my sexuality since then has always been something I fill unsteady in. I also suffered from POCD after learning my grandfather had sexually touched one of my cousins. Even though I had never thought of a child in that way I became consumed with the fear that I could be capable of something like that. Me and my fiancé have always planned on having kids but I no longer feel excitement towards having kids because of the fear that I could hurt them. Since the ROCD surfaced the SOCD had come back full force. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. There has been so much ruminating. I’ve noticed I do a lot of mental checking on my past and our past together and it’s made it all feel gloomy because my OCD only focuses on the bad. That has made me question if I ever truly loved him or liked being around him which is terrifying. He has been so loving and has been trying hard to understand but I still feel completely in my head whether he is around or not. I have put my fiancé through so much and I hate myself for it. One of my compulsions is word vomiting my every thought which has been scaring for him and me. I’ve tried to rein that in and I’ve gotten a little better at not doing that. I just feel so uncertain of everything. I am constantly having panic attacks about not knowing who I am and I hate it. Our wedding is coming up in October and when I think of it I feel scared instead of excited. I have put the planning on hold because I want to have some sort of handle on this first but my brain is trying to convince me it’s just because I don’t love him and I don’t want to be with him forever. Sometimes I even feel like it’s impossible. Like I don’t even have a choice in the matter. That it is going to end badly no matter how hard I am trying. Every single little problem we had before this (there isn’t many) feels huge. I started with an NOCD therapist a couple weeks ago but we only just started on ERP therapy today that focuses on the SOCD. She is having me look at naked women to see how I feel and gage my anxiety. I made myself look at naked women and men and felt some arousal from both. I know logically I don’t want to be with a woman in that way and the thought of physically being with one isn’t appealing, so that is also confusing. I kept looking up photos until I felt numb to them all. Afterwards for a second it almost felt silly to have been stuck on something that felt so superficial. I know I find women beautiful but I have never felt any desire to be with one sexually or had a crush on one. I’ve only ever had feelings like that for a man. When I was done I came out excited because I felt the freedom to choose the man I am with. I know I love him and I want to be with him but after a couple of hours I feel like all I can focus on is the fact that I felt any sort of arousal towards a picture of a woman. It almost makes me feel like my OCD was right all along and I am just in denial about everything. Even when I am feeling some peace, or like I am myself again I am just terrified of when the thoughts will come back. Everything I do or say I question whether it’s me who is doing or saying that thing or if I’m just doing it because of the OCD. I feel like I have completely lost my mind. I feel like my OCD has stripped me of so much of my identity and dreams and has started to strip me of my sanity. I almost just want to quit but I know how I felt and who I was before all of this and I know this isn’t me. I can’t let it have another win. I really don’t want to loose him.

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

Longish post but please stick with me. Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a bit of insight and if anyone else has felt this. It may sound strange and I’ve not had the courage to ask this for a while…. So I’ve been with my partner (27M) for almost 3 years now, I’m (24F). He recently proposed which I was not expecting so soon. We always joked about it and when he said he looked at rings I was happy. I knew it was coming at some point but not so soon. When it happened it’s immensely triggered my ROCD. And I’m struggling with something in particular, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced it/ what the root cause could be so that I can work on it……. When he proposed it’s like my brain put a time stamp on our relationship. All of a sudden I’m counting the days of my relationship/how long I’ve been in one. It’s like my brain is “keeping track” of the amount of days/weeks that I have a relationship. It’s like my brain wants to be in a relationship for a very long time IMMEDIATELY, which is of course not possible. It’s like my brain is saying “you have to break up with him because you haven’t been together a while yet”. It makes it feel like time is going so slowly. I see couples together for 6/7years prior to my age/time and just think “how did they do it”? Same with married couples. It’s like I think “they’re lucky I wish I was at that many years already”. But at the same time, the thought of being with someone for a long time makes me feel anxious and sick and like I have to “escape” or “get out” urgently. I’ve struggled with this particularly for a month now and am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same or similar? Or can anyone offer insight into what this really could be deep down/root causes, as I REALLY want to figure out why and where it’s coming from. Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated ❤️✨