- Username
- queenvic
- Date posted
- 5y ago
First of all, congratulations. Second of all - you basically have my exact story. We got engaged after 8 years ( have been married now for 6) and I’ve struggled the whole time... major changes kill me too... there are no red flags either - my rocd THINKS there are ( he’s not attractive enough, funny enough, we don’t “laugh enough”, yada yada. I have HOCD too so that’s lovely as well. I’ve been doing ERP for the last year... it’s not easy, but it has helped me slowly recognize and separate myself from the disorder. All I can really say is - I feel your pain. It’s horrible. But just plug through. Let the thoughts be there. Try to continue on with your day. Don’t avoid anything..don’t ask for reassurance...try not to compare yourself with other couples. Try not to “check” your feelings. These are all compulsions that only serve by offering you temporary relief while fueling the ocd monster. Hang in there!!!
@OCDwarrior Hi how are you all doing? I’m going through this all now! Just got engaged after 6 years of being together and now all the ROCD HOcD POCD is all scaring me
Oh how I understand both of you! 7.5 years into my relationship, and the thought of marriage feels like I can’t breathe properly, even though my partner is the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life (and also highly anxious and also suffers from a bit of ROCD, imagine that - 2 of us in the same relationship!). Have you heard of the website conscious transitions? Google it, Sheryl Paul is brilliant and her site is for rocd as well as anxious brides/grooms to be. One thing I’ve found I used to do was feel relief when I felt good and would think ‘oh wow all that bad stuff is over, I never have to feel like that again!’, then the cycle starts again, and I go through ‘I can’t live like this forever, I’m better off alone’. I think having the realisation I might bounce back and forth between both of those and trying to accept that takes some of the pressure off when I feel bad. It’s hard, but like XTina said just continue with your day. I also love listening to Oprah’s podcasts with Eckhart Tolle, he has YouTube videos as well.
Queenvic: Congratulations! How did you all manage to stay in the relationship and make the best of it? I’m currently experiencing ROCD/HOCD and I feel like I’m going to burst and end my relationship. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I feel like I’m trying to sabotage it.
My story! Except I have hocd too.
This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(
Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.
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