- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
First of all, congratulations. Second of all - you basically have my exact story. We got engaged after 8 years ( have been married now for 6) and I’ve struggled the whole time... major changes kill me too... there are no red flags either - my rocd THINKS there are ( he’s not attractive enough, funny enough, we don’t “laugh enough”, yada yada. I have HOCD too so that’s lovely as well. I’ve been doing ERP for the last year... it’s not easy, but it has helped me slowly recognize and separate myself from the disorder. All I can really say is - I feel your pain. It’s horrible. But just plug through. Let the thoughts be there. Try to continue on with your day. Don’t avoid anything..don’t ask for reassurance...try not to compare yourself with other couples. Try not to “check” your feelings. These are all compulsions that only serve by offering you temporary relief while fueling the ocd monster. Hang in there!!!
- Date posted
- 2y
@OCDwarrior Hi how are you all doing? I’m going through this all now! Just got engaged after 6 years of being together and now all the ROCD HOcD POCD is all scaring me
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh how I understand both of you! 7.5 years into my relationship, and the thought of marriage feels like I can’t breathe properly, even though my partner is the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life (and also highly anxious and also suffers from a bit of ROCD, imagine that - 2 of us in the same relationship!). Have you heard of the website conscious transitions? Google it, Sheryl Paul is brilliant and her site is for rocd as well as anxious brides/grooms to be. One thing I’ve found I used to do was feel relief when I felt good and would think ‘oh wow all that bad stuff is over, I never have to feel like that again!’, then the cycle starts again, and I go through ‘I can’t live like this forever, I’m better off alone’. I think having the realisation I might bounce back and forth between both of those and trying to accept that takes some of the pressure off when I feel bad. It’s hard, but like XTina said just continue with your day. I also love listening to Oprah’s podcasts with Eckhart Tolle, he has YouTube videos as well.
- Date posted
- 5y
Queenvic: Congratulations! How did you all manage to stay in the relationship and make the best of it? I’m currently experiencing ROCD/HOCD and I feel like I’m going to burst and end my relationship. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I feel like I’m trying to sabotage it.
- Date posted
- 5y
My story! Except I have hocd too.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
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