- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
First of all, congratulations. Second of all - you basically have my exact story. We got engaged after 8 years ( have been married now for 6) and I’ve struggled the whole time... major changes kill me too... there are no red flags either - my rocd THINKS there are ( he’s not attractive enough, funny enough, we don’t “laugh enough”, yada yada. I have HOCD too so that’s lovely as well. I’ve been doing ERP for the last year... it’s not easy, but it has helped me slowly recognize and separate myself from the disorder. All I can really say is - I feel your pain. It’s horrible. But just plug through. Let the thoughts be there. Try to continue on with your day. Don’t avoid anything..don’t ask for reassurance...try not to compare yourself with other couples. Try not to “check” your feelings. These are all compulsions that only serve by offering you temporary relief while fueling the ocd monster. Hang in there!!!
- Date posted
- 2y
@OCDwarrior Hi how are you all doing? I’m going through this all now! Just got engaged after 6 years of being together and now all the ROCD HOcD POCD is all scaring me
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh how I understand both of you! 7.5 years into my relationship, and the thought of marriage feels like I can’t breathe properly, even though my partner is the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life (and also highly anxious and also suffers from a bit of ROCD, imagine that - 2 of us in the same relationship!). Have you heard of the website conscious transitions? Google it, Sheryl Paul is brilliant and her site is for rocd as well as anxious brides/grooms to be. One thing I’ve found I used to do was feel relief when I felt good and would think ‘oh wow all that bad stuff is over, I never have to feel like that again!’, then the cycle starts again, and I go through ‘I can’t live like this forever, I’m better off alone’. I think having the realisation I might bounce back and forth between both of those and trying to accept that takes some of the pressure off when I feel bad. It’s hard, but like XTina said just continue with your day. I also love listening to Oprah’s podcasts with Eckhart Tolle, he has YouTube videos as well.
- Date posted
- 5y
Queenvic: Congratulations! How did you all manage to stay in the relationship and make the best of it? I’m currently experiencing ROCD/HOCD and I feel like I’m going to burst and end my relationship. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I feel like I’m trying to sabotage it.
- Date posted
- 5y
My story! Except I have hocd too.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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