I’ve just spent the past 30minutes researching does God watch us have sex, read our minds and know our sexual thoughts. :( I don’t want him to but clearly he does. I feel so embarrassed and disgusted. I have suppressed everything for months. Don’t know how I’ll ever be comfortable with sexuality again

Every single time me and my boyfriend do anything sexual, I feel really really guilty about it after. We’ve never had sex before but have done other things and I don’t feel guilty about it in the moment, but afterwards I feel guilty. I don’t necessarily regret doing it but I just feel horrible as a human. He does not push himself on me in anyway and I know it’s all a me thing. He is very cautious in making sure I’m comfortable and feel okay, but I don’t start feeling guilty until afterwards. I feel like this always relates back to my faith, which has recently fallen off. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this because I always get told the benefits of waiting for marriage. And honestly I do understand that, but I don’t know that I want to wait. I feel like people keep shoving “waiting for marriage” down my throat and it draws me so much further from Christianity and makes things so much harder to feel close to God again. I just feel so lonely in feeling these things and scared I’m going to hell if I keep doing stuff with my boyfriend, but I genuinely don’t know what I believe in anymore and it’s draining me that my values are changing. I know it’s probably healthy and natural for values to change as you grow up, but I feel like there’s a stereotype of Christianity I have to adhere to and it makes me so anxious and scared I’m going to hell if I don’t get everything perfect. My relationship with Christ isn’t something that I involve others in because of how personal it is to me. But I just feel shamed upon by every other Christian and it makes me scared for myself and sad for the way society is making it such a black and white view of this religion.

I keep having disgusting sexual and intrusive thoughts about God Jesus, Holy Spirit I feel hopeless and like there’s nothing left for me. What if this is who I am and how I think I can’t even pray without having thoughts or images.

This is gonna sound really weird and this is a disturbing post for me to make I’m 20, waiting till marriage. I’m a Christian but I have very bad sexual intrusive thoughts. this sounds so weird but I was thinking about the Holy Spirit like the Holy Spirit is love, peace, patience, joy, and stuff like that. My mind said that I wanted to have sex with an orange I know that’s a very weird thought but for some reason, I thought that would be cool but I know that’s very weird but in my mind, my brain said that orange is the fruit of the spirit and my brain said that I was thinking sexually about the Holy Spirit, but I don’t wanna have sex with the holy Spirit. That’s terrible I hate the thought. I don’t wanna have sex with the fruit of the spirit that’s terrible and I hate that thought now I’m scared what if I really wanted to do that to the Holy Spirit or to the fruit of the spirit? I just need some advice and I’m really freaking out anything you guys say would really help I am a Christian so please don’t go against my religious values and beliefs.