Life update. (stressed)

So after taking a break from this app for a little over a month I thought I'd make a decision to cut out bad habits that I feel I can't moderate or affect my dopamine. (gaming, TV etc). I did this cold turkey and it highlighted a compulsion that is never really considered, avoidance. I used to think the days were never long enough and how can I possibly do everything in a day. Now they're incredibly long and I find it hard to fill up the time. I joined a new gym and now go for runs. I've started reading which I find enjoyable but can only do it for so long until my brains screaming at me to do something else. I went over some work stuff and found out since the passing of my nan, my financial situation wasn't really kept on top of as ocd went full throttle. I lost thousands... Numerous panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Stressed me beyond belief. Then there was a light at the end of the tunnel and thought I can get myself out of this ocd hole... And my car starts playing up and causing me to lose thousands more. I took it in to get worked on and they handed it back "fixed". It almost killed me a few days later. If I wasn't experienced enough to deal with the issue I could've died. I took it back and did my best to stay calm and didn't raise my voice. I wanted reassurance but I know its bad for ocd, but I think in this case it's acceptable because it's just reassuring me that my car would be fixed properly and I'd be able to eat and pay the bills. Car issue is almost resolved but omfg the stress over the last month was unbelievable. I got better after therapy without a doubt and I know I can get better again but this all brought it back. Once I got rid of daily distractions and looked at improving my life I didn't realise how much ocd and these habits kept me from looking at the huge hole I buried myself in. I made a deal to give into some compulsions whilst I sort this out as I'm struggling to fight on all fronts at the moment. It's too much. Once my finances are sorted, ocd is going to be a priority to work on again. One thing I learned was you cope with stress, and manage the stressors. I feel as if thats not clarified enough anywhere. Oh and one more thing, I watched a video regarding to me being depressed naturally because of the suicidal thoughts and it was interesting. Basically asked if I was depressed or just have a terrible life. I'm both, but it's because I have a terrible life at the moment. But that will change. Just wish it changed faster 😅 And I think a woman at my gym class has a crush on me so that's one good thing. Can't all be negative

Nica

Date posted: 51w ago

When life gets tough, it often punches you in the face and says, “SURPRISEEEEE!” But every time, you get back up, smile at life, and reply, “Thanks, you hit like a wimp.”

Wolfram

Date posted: 51w ago

Yup. Sucker punched repeatedly 😅. Thanks for the reply nica. Been a while. Hope you're doing well

NODA

Date posted: 51w ago

Hello, dear friend. I am terribly sorry for all the crappie things you've had to deal with in the last month. I am in shock about your car. Kudos to you for being a good driver. Oh, my... I have also taken a break from NOCD, and as life would have it, basically from almost all the people I used considered friends. It is insane how many issues pop up when one tries to step away from it all (communication on NOCD). It was getting a bit overwhelming reading, answering, writing on NOCD. But it also isolated me from the very source I could get my strength and support from. I have been fighting with depression previously unknown to me. I am on the highest dose of Zoloft for ocd. Zoloft is antidepressant. My depression is new to me and it scares me. I have also been feeling so empty, anxious and thinking about suicide way to often. The difference between me fighting back or just feeling desperate is whether I have support or not. And the only support in life I get is from you, dear Wolfram, and some other people at NOCD. Every time since we last communicated and I've cooked sth nice full of vegetables, you were on my mind. Every time I listen to Free bird or other songs by Lynyrd Skynyard you are in my thoughts and my heart. What I am trying to say to you is, let's not suffer alone! Even if we from time to time take a short break from NOCD and other social media, when life starts getting tough, let's come back to NOCD and find one another. I will always be here for you. Even when I am not active on the internet, I glance through NOCD every few days. If I am not on NOCD the they you ask for help, I will answer the following day, as soon as I see your post and in the mean time, other people here will offer support I am sure. I think that the majority of people would feel like you are feeling if they had to go through what you have been dealing with lately. You are not alone. I sincerely care for you so much. I might not be able to give you advice or solutions, but I am always here for you to unload the heavy burdens of life. I don't want to sound negative, but I kind of believe more and more, that people don't need to worry about going to hell when they die. Look around. I think we are in hell right here. All the problems life throws at us, all the pain, suffering, fighting,.... Can hell be any worse? We are on a good way to destroy the ozone layer and are treating environment as if it was our playground, so we are bound to get the temperatures as high as we thing they are in hell. Life is beautiful an one hand and yet so incredibly hard. I am happy for you about the woman at your gym. I hope you like her too. I wish you all the luck and love. Please, take a few minutes to distance yourself from your life at the moment. Follow your advice to me. Put on some music, cook yourself something nourishing and nice, remind yourself what a great person you are and breathe. You are right, everything will be OK sooner or later. We just need patience for the bad times to pass by. I am here for you. The biggest hug ever from me to you. Love. 🤗🌞❤️

Wolfram

Date posted: 51w ago

Hey NODA 😊 it's been tough. I felt as if using this app as much as I did was a compulsion but it did provide support at the same time. I'm no the best at setting boundaries as my family considers me an empath, so when I help others I tend to lose track of my own health. I'm working on that soon when I have the time to. Got books to help me figure that out. Some of the stories in this app can get overwhelming for me too. I remember one in particular that seeker reassurance constantly triggered me because I could tell how much they were suffering and couldn't seem to help them no matter what I tried. It stressed me to the point where my own ocd came back. (it wasn't the only factor). This shouldn't stop people using this app though. I'm so sorry you're going through depression at the moment and are having to take meds with it. I had depression really bad for 7 years when younger and generally suffered in silence. I wish I could sit down and help you get out of it. As for suffering alone, I agree. I'm just establishing boundaries to minimise how overwhelming it can be. Moderation is a healthy habit to practice which I've always struggled with. I aim to get better. I turned all my notifications off for this app when I had a break so I'm sorry if I missed any of your posts. As for unloading burdens, I've learnt of a term recently as my brother told me off for it. "emotion dumping". I looked into it and when I was venting to him I realised it was self centred and didn't consider his circumstances first before doing so. That's something I'm working on too. The hell reference I agree with. Why worry about the after life when our current one isn't perfect. I've seen movies and TV shows depict hell as something similar to ocd, especially rumination. I wish I could distance myself from life at the moment but I need concentrate on resolving my issues first before I'm buried in them. I'll have micro distractions here and there to get me through for now. Also this is a clip that helped me try and form new habits. It was about depression (he says you're either this or have that, but you can be both). I wish he worked it a little differently but he makes a very good point. So I'm working on my life as I didn't have a good one. Might even volunteer again soon. https://youtube.com/shorts/VdcWiTMsSW4?feature=shared Nice to hear from you again 🤗

mint_moonlight

Date posted: 25w ago

Not sure? SO-OCD

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

Martha

Date posted: 25w ago

Jumping Thoughts

I know this is my OCD and it can make me look like a fool. I’m have been married for 7 years to a sweet loving person who has never hurt me. My OCD is telling me he is going to leave me and I’m going to be alone. ( I have recently lost my a love one and had to step away from my family because of money inheritance ) I have recently decided that I have to shut down my business because of economy . I know my OCD is triggered by stress. Stress that I have been suppressing for the last year and I know my brain is just sticking and picking up everything. I hate waking up in the morning and feeling wave of anxiety and uncertainty that it makes it hard for the bed . This morning I had to work myself out of bed and go for a walk with my dog in the park, which helped a lot. I just keep beating myself up because I let myself get to this place. I saw all the signs and I ignored them all. I feel so foolish 🥺 I went through something like this before 2017 and I feel like I’m always going through some level or mental illness that my husband has to help me with and it is so disappointing with myself because why can’t I just have a normal brain. Why can I just have a mind simply works and I don’t have to keep manually shift it out of gears I’m scared my husband and people that I have close to me don’t you say that I’m too much just discard me. And I thought with myself to say that I’m not too much. I’m just going to human experience and that I’m a little bit more. I’m just extremely frustrated. I’m just sad that I’m back at this place again. I’m happy if not as severe as it was when I first had my OCD breakdown, but I’m still disappointed in myself. I should’ve took better care of my mental well-being. I should’ve focused more on that and focusing on other things that knew my mental.

Relationship OCD

Rookeryend123

Date posted: 19w ago

Hi, I’m Matt!

Hey guys, I hope you’re well! My names Matt, and OCD has struck me again 😂 When I was 10 years old I had to attend therapy as I was having excessive intrusive thoughts. P.s. I didn’t even know this was possible at the age of 10! I then completely forgot about it, until 2.5 years ago when I started experiencing ROCD. I really couldn’t understand why I was feeling/thinking this way however, I soon after remembered my struggles as a child and then realised my OCD had returned. Also, my mum has serious OCD so I guess that could be why too. I had a a really hard battle with my emotions and mood due to this however, the last 1.5 years had been really good and I managed it well. I got married and had the best day of my life. 3 months ago, a thought about having an affair in my head appeared, and BOOM, it’s back again. I’m struggling a lot right now however, I’ve accepted that this could be a re occurring theme throughout my life, and it’s time to learn to deal with it again. I’m back on medication and have started ERP therapy, so hopefully it’s on the up from here. I’m not here to list off my triggers and thoughts as this would be me seeking reassurance however, I’m here to show that recovery is certainly possible!

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Life update. (stressed)

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