SOOCD or just not accepting the truth HELP

I was 26. Seemingly normal (albeit) anxious man. Was with a newish gf. Seemingly at the same time I had some performance issues, I had the thought come in “you don’t feel anything for her” Instant loss of libido, instant loss of every emotion except pure dread/anxiety. It consumed me - the why? It was like I was being forced to feel something I didn’t want? And I couldn’t stop it. In my obsessive search for ‘why’ the thought changed to ‘am I gay?’ And exactly the same dread/anxiety overcome me. For months. My life became just solely focussed on ‘where is my attraction to women gone?’ ‘Searching my past for proof’ ‘checking my emotions’ ‘googling’ ‘figuring out how?’ ‘Was this true?’ I’m now 36. I’m married and have a young son. But my life has again been consumed by this. It’s like my mind seeks evidence to prove something I don’t want to be. And it’s so all consuming and all questioning that it feels like I actually want it? It gets so bad that I’ll even doubt I find it distressing and that I’m just making it up so I don’t have to tell my wife :/ It’s so distressing. Up until this thought came in, I never had to question what I wanted. I just knew I liked thinking about girls. I wanted to be close to them. There was never a thought about a guy? Doesn’t that mean I’m straight? Surely by 26, there would have been some incling of physical or romantic attraction to a man? But I’ve never felt the same since that day 10 years ago. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to feel happiness and to feel libido and attraction. Almost like I’m unable to until I figure it out? I’ve been diagnosed twice by psychologists. But it ‘feels’ like I don’t agree with them or I doubt it. My psych has been pushing me to practice response prevention. Sit with the anxiety of how real it feels. Accept it may be true and sit with the anxiety that causes. Ground myself in moments. The anxiety is so consuming. And I’ll go 3-4 days without looking for reassurance, ruminating, checking, but then it’s like a ‘feeling’ of ‘this is true, you know it’ and it destroys me. I panic, give in, and seem to compulse. Does this resonate with anyone? Is it still not getting any better after years because I keep doing the compulsions? Or am I just a gay person who didn’t realise till later in life and found out through losing feelings for my gf? Please help

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 41w ago

Any thoughts right now would help

Username: hr247hr247

Date posted: 41w ago

but you did get everything back for 10 years, right

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 41w ago

@ocdposting Sadly not. My life has never returned :( I had a couple of years in between where I was just kind of numb, then ROCD came back, then a 6 month period of feeling pretty good, now another year or so with SOOCD.

Username: hr247hr247

Date posted: 41w ago

@gp you should really do your exposures man

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

I think we have to sit with the uncertainty and avoid reassurances if at all possible. You are surely not alone in your struggle. I think we have to embrace all uncertainty and move past finding an answer as you will never be satisfied with one anyways

Username: Quieter2024Quieter2024

Date posted: 41w ago

This is exactly what is happening with me. You are certainly not aone. From your experiences you've been through sound very similar to mind and I do believe it is your OCD. It started 10 years ago when I was 25, now I am 35 with a wife and son too. I started a relationship with my now wife at the time when i was 25. I went for a night out with old work colleagues who were wanting to get with women all night. I wasn't interested because I had just met the woman of my dreams. They started saying comments to me like "you're gay" etc, I just didn't want to cheat because I was very happy with my now wife and didn't want to jeopardise our new relationship. The rumours started at work about that night and was sort of bullied most days at work.. all of this happened and from that night a thought entered my brain.. what if I am gay? Over the last 10 years have been horrible at times, where I have searched for answers to why I am keep having these thoughts. Looking for answers by looking at previous memories, thinking did I sound gay or look gay. The anxiety i have is very much consuming, I am never happy, I feel drained and tired. The last week I have had a spike in thoughts and constantly looking for reassurance, ruminating and checking. My anxiety is that bad that my wife understands I struggle but doesn't know the reason why i am struggling.. but because of trigger words, it sets my anxiety and panic off and she can see I am clearly suffering and the physical symptoms present. So she sometimes says some trigger words to try and get a reaction. Then thoughts come, why is she saying this? Then I think i am gay, my wife is correct! Then the whole process starts again.. i hate feeling like this.

Username: gp gp

Date posted: 40w ago

@Quieter2024 Why us dude? Like why let us live a seemingly normal happy life until mid 20s and decide to torture us? I do t get it

Username: Quieter2024Quieter2024

Date posted: 36w ago

@gp Exactly mate. It's a living nightmare. Doesn't make sense.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16w ago

@Quieter2024 How are you doing now?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 16w ago

How are you doing?? I had this back in 2010 for a month or 2 and some how got better. Then a lesbian girl said something to me in the last 5 months and it hit me hard. Thinking about my past friendships and relationships with girl friends and now my wife. Like has this all been a lie. It scares me so much because I don’t want to lose my wife. My life will be over. I have never had the want to do anything sexual with a guy! I fricking hate it. I got off of meds and had to go right back on them because of this, and now my anxiety is low but still have to constant thoughts and it’s making me in a constant depressive state! I hope you’re doing better sir!! I hope we all are doing better! I want my life back with my wife and kids where nothing bothered me. People used to joke and call me gay and it never bothered me. Now I hate it.

Username: gp

Date posted: 1y ago

Looking for others similar - any thoughts?

I’m looking for others out there that might be similar to me. I was 25(m), infatuated with a new gf. I had a performance issue. Next morning I woke up with the FEELING that “you don’t feel anything for this girl”. And the anxiety that came with it. I felt sick to my core. Enter 3-6 months of obsessively figuring out why. It made no sense. I was infatuated with this girl, I was so happy, so confident, I could see such an awesome future with her. But once the feeling of “you feel nothing for her” stuck, I felt I had to break up. But why? During this 3-6 months it felt like I lost all positive feelings, like I could no longer be attracted to women (or anything). Nothing mattered except figuring out why I had lost feeling? I remember thinking it wasn’t fair that I’d been robbed of my ability to be happy and to love. Googling everything, asking friends etc. it consumed my every waking hour. During my obsessing, I had this random question - “are you actually gay?” Enter obsessively figuring out wether I was actually gay. I was 26. I had never even considered I was gay. I think I had crushes on girls, I certainly fantasised about them and was much more shy around them than guys. Put simply - I had never thought of a guy as anything other than a mate. This obsession changed to kind of “I FEEL gay”. It was/is like deep down I believe I am gay, despite never seemingly being attracted to guys before. I’m now 35 and this same obsession has been with me on and off. I’m now seeking treatment. Question - most of the online resources call out that ‘deep down’ you know you’re not gay. What if deep down there is a FEELING like you are? Can an obsession be a feeling? Can HOCD convince you that you ARE gay rather than just question? I’d love to hear anyone similar.

Username: gp

Date posted: 1y ago

How to stop believing the narrative SOOCD creates?

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?

Username: gp

Date posted: 51w ago

SOOCD - real or not?

I’m in a really bad panic at the moment re my ocd. I’m trying so hard to accept the thoughts/feelings and accept how real and true it all feels, despite the panic and anxiety. I read somewhere that you can clearly tell the difference between a thought about your sexuality being true vs an ocd thought. It said if the thoughts/feelings/narrative makes you feel panic, anxiety and dread, like you don’t want the thoughts, then it’s ocd. If they make you feel warm, content and normal, then they’re likely not ocd. Is that how people and psychologists differentiate? My situation is that I’m a 36 year old male that never questioned or had to question my sexuality until one day at 26, I had the question pop up “are you gay”. Since then, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. Questioning, checking, anxious 24/7, wanting to escape myself. Help :(

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