My life feels like a hell

I find myself in an incredibly difficult and distressing situation, and I desperately need your help and guidance. The contamination and health concerns related to my OCD have taken an almost complete hold over my life. What's worse, my husband has been manipulating me for years, exacerbating my OCD and causing immense emotional pain. It started gradually, with him making hurtful remarks, seemingly incapable of finding happiness when I was happy. As my OCD worsened, his behavior became more extreme. He took my beloved dog to the basement, claiming it was a threat to me. However, he didn't stop there. He started using derogatory and offensive names for my dog, such as "satan dog" and "fucking dog." Every day, he expresses his hatred towards my dog, saying he hates dogs. This relentless emotional abuse has only served to worsen my OCD. In addition to the emotional torment, I have endured several traumatic experiences, including three painful miscarriages, constant fights with my husband, prolonged separation from my family for seven years, a pervasive feeling of unsafety, and the isolation imposed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Rather than supporting me through these challenges, my husband has made it his mission to make me feel worse. He frequently works long hours, leaving me alone for at least 12 hours each day, with no relatives or friends to turn to for support. To add to my distress, my husband has bombarded me with distressing news and videos, particularly those depicting plane disasters. Consequently, I have developed an intense fear of boarding planes, which hinders any possibility of being reunited with my family. This fear has also spilled over into other aspects of my life, making it impossible for me to go out or even open items from the grocery store due to obsessive thoughts about contamination. What concerns me even more is the mistreatment of my dog. My husband has locked him in a small transport box, leaving him in darkness throughout the day. He keeps the key with him and has purposely created obstacles, such as leaving trash and disgusting items, to prevent me from accessing my dog. Yesterday, he even threatened to kill my dog, a threat he has made multiple times before. I have pleaded with him to give my dog away to someone who will care for him, but he adamantly refuses. He has also made disturbing comments about getting rid of his cokatiel. The constant fear of harm to my beloved pets and to myself and my baby is consuming me. In my desperation, I suggested divorce as a way to escape this torment. I promised not to ask for anything but to leave with my baby, as my husband shows no interest in our child and often ignores us. His indifference and disconnection have become glaringly apparent. Although he claims he would never hurt us, his demonstrated intent to harm innocent lives — our pets — leaves me doubting his words. If he is capable of such cruelty, I fear he could easily harm us as well. He seems bored and annoyed by our presence. Adding to my distress, I feel trapped and unable to seek help from authorities due to his threats. He has warned me that if I reach out for help, he will manipulate the custody of our baby, blaming it all on my mental health struggles. Furthermore, my lack of citizenship complicates matters, making it even more challenging to find a way out. I have tried to confide in my family, but they refuse to listen, believing my husband to be a good person. I desperately long to return to my home country, but the distance of over 11,000 km makes it seem impossible. If my pets are harmed, I fear I will never be able to regain a sense of normalcy. My husband consistently blames me for everything, compounding my heartbreak and leaving me shattered. I implore you, the members of this forum, to offer any advice, support, or resources that could help me escape this abusive situation. Your guidance and assistance in finding a way to safety would mean the world to me. I feel utterly brokenhearted and in dire need of your help. Thank you for taking the time to read my plea. I eagerly await your responses and appreciate any assistance you can provide.

Username: An0nym0us123An0nym0us123

Date posted: 41w ago

Hey Valentina, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I hope I can help as your friend in this situation. After reading your post I feel like he is purposely scaring you with airplane videos as a tactic to keep you away from your family. You can always tell if someone is a good or bad person by the way they treat their dog and from what I read it’s not so good. Im very alarmed on what he can do to you and dog if he gets very upset. Have you reached out to any shelters for a possible rehome for the dog?If possible search up your county domestic violence resource page. They can help with placement and resources to get you out. Please keep recording , messages , pictures of any proof that shows him being aggressive and harmful to you, your child, and dog. Document everything, it can help you during court to get a possible restraining orders. National domestic violence hotline 800-799-7233

Username: Valentina.Amelia777Valentina.Am...

Date posted: 40w ago

Hey An0nym0us123, I can't be grateful enough for your very kind response, it means the world to me. It's really heartwarming to have read: "I hope I can help as your friend in this situation", if I could just tell you, how much I need and I want a friend right now. I totally agree with you, he has really been working over all these years to make me very scared, as I have had so many painful experiences here, first, migration lost my papers some years ago, so I got many threats to me deported, it was a true hell. Then I had my 3 miscarriages who here very very painful, I was close to die in the last one. All alone, I didn't have anyone with me, he just left to work like nothing was going on with me. Then after the whole nightmare with migration and had to pay an insane amount of money to the lawyer. Some months after I was granted a residence permit, I got a letter from the police, someone at migration wasn't happy I got my residence permit, so they filled a complain, so I had to go to the police a couple of times for some hearings, it went good, but I was scared to death, as I was raised in a very strict and high moral home, I was never in trouble before, it felt so ugly to have so many problems here, for nothing because I didn't do anything wrong. Together with covid Isolation, all the problems with my husband, lack of sunlight for months, all alone in a small village, then the last psychologist I had, she was an authentic nightmare, she started to threat me with the social services, she made very dishonest and false statements about me, so she called the social services I was scared to death to lose my child. Everything with the excuse I have "contamination and health concerns OCD". I do nothing but to care a lot of my toddler and protect, nourish and love my child. So I don't have any trust at all in the healthcare here, neither police or social services, they have shown and impressive lack of professionalism and care on what it really matters. I have also called to the phone numbers for domestic violence, you know? They even answer or call back because I speak in English. I feel so trapped here, some days I feel I don't want to wake up anymore. But I have my child, I can't give up.

Username: Valentina.Amelia777Valentina.Am...

Date posted: 40w ago

Hey AnOnymOus123. Ican't be grateful enough for your very kind response, it means the world to me. It's really heartwarming to have read:"| hope I can help as your friend in this situation", if I could just tellyou, how much Ineed andI want a friend right now. I totally agree with you, he has really been working over allthese years to make me very scared, as I have had so many painful experiences here, first, migration lost my papers some years ago, so I got many threats to me deported, it was a true hell. Then lhad my 3 miscarriages who here very very painful, Iwas close to die in the last one. All alone, Ididn't have anyone with me, he just left to work like nothing was going on with me. Then after the whole nightmare with migration and had to pay an insane amount of money to the lawyer. Some months after I was granted a residence permit, I got a letter from the police someone at migration wasn't happy I got my residence permit,so they filled a complain, so I had to go to the police a couple of times for some hearings, it went good, but I was scared to death, as I was raised in a very strict and high moral home, Iwas never in trouble before, it felt so ugly to have so many problems here, for nothing because I Jidn't do anything wrong. Together with covid Isolation, all the problems with my husband, lack of sunlight for months allalone in a small village, then the last psychologist I had, she was an authentic nightmare, she started to threat me with the social services, she made very dishonest and false statements about me, so she called the social services I was scared to death to lose my child. Everything with the excuse I have "contamination anc health concerns OCD". I do nothing but to care a lot of my toddler and protect, nourish and love my child.Sol don't have any trust at. alli in the healthcare here. neither police or social services, they have shown and impressive lack of professionalism and care on what it really matters. I have also called to the phone numbers for domestic violence, you know? They even answer or call back because I speak in English.I feel so trapped here, some days feel don't want to wake up anymore. But I have my child, I can't give up.

Username: AnonMoonAnonMoon

Date posted: 41w ago

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you currently in the US? Do you have any friends who would be able to help you? Do you have any text messages or recordings that can be shown as evidence in case he does try to stop you? I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how to help exactly, but going through this alone must be terrifying.

Username: Valentina.Amelia777Valentina.Am...

Date posted: 40w ago

Thank you so mucj for your very kind response🩷. No, I don't live in the US, I live in Norway. Sadly I don't really have any friend or relatives here or any close at all, all my family and friends live in Mexico. I don't have any proof of that as he knows I have recorded many arguments in the past, now he makes himself sure I'm not recording. I really appreciate your support, I know, I'm unable to help myself either. It's a real nightmare.

Username: AnonMoonAnonMoon

Date posted: 40w ago

@Valentina.Amelia777 Mexico to Norway must have been a big jump. My parents are from Mexico too. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Have you tried seeing if the Mexico embassy could help you move back? Maybe you could try to do ERP slowly so he can’t hold that against you? From a previous comment, you said you live in a small village, but I hope you can join a support group with other Latina/Latinos within Norway. If your husband asks, you can always just say you feel homesick. Please remember you’re not alone 💖

Username: Valentina.Amelia777Valentina.Am...

Date posted: 40w ago

@AnonMoon Hello dear AnonMoon, thank you so much for your kind words, it really means the world to me. Yes, it was such a huge change. It hasn't been easy, everything it's harder, specially such a tough weather. So nice your parents are Mexican, I assume you are in the US? I wish I never came this far, now it has passed 7 years since last time I saw my parents. That was the very start of all my sadness. Now when I have the possibility to go, I can't, because I'm so scared, mostly because I fear I will die during the flight since I have been under so much stress and depression this lats years, I don't sleep good, I stopped exercising, I stopped eating well, i was very fit and active, now I'm very lazy. I also fear my toddler could die in the plane since my child has never been that long in a plane and certainly just 1 time we have been together in a plane for more than 1 month ago. The embassy could help me in an emergency, I'm leaving that chance for the last thing to do. You know, I suspect I'm the only Mexican here where I live, it's lots of people from everywhere else, but not Mexico 😪😮‍💨. Thank you so much once again 🩷💖

Username: IAmGoingToOv...

Date posted: 2y ago

Harm ocd

So my husband has been off work a couple of months due to me having some pretty severe health problems, not associated with OCD. His Family medical leave has run out and he is returning to work. I’ve been struggling with this because when he’s home my OCD is non existent. When he’s here I feel safe, and I don’t fear because he’s here with me and I feel like he would stop me from losing it if I were to. My recent fear is that when he goes back to work he won’t be here to stop me if I were to lose my mind, I get thoughts of what if I lose my mind, what if I run out in traffic, what of I go to a neighbors house and try to harm someone. I NEVER want to do anything like that, but the thought and fear of it and the urges are very REAL! I know I’m supposed to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and urges but my god that’s impossible for me, I go straight into panic attacks and freak out! I’m doing ERP but I’m in the very beginning stages of it, and I’m really struggling to cope. My fear is I’ll forever be debilitated by this and it will cause my husband to lose his job, and we will lose everything. Can anyone help me to find extra resources on how to cope and deal with this, or any hope? I would greatly appreciate it. This is the WORST condition to ever have to deal with. :(

Harm OCD

Username: Tatsiana

Date posted: 51w ago

Seeking for support and hope. Has anyone experienced something like this?

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have OCD for as long as I can remember. But the last year it has become unbearable... I don't know how to move on... My brain began to generate terrible, and scary thoughts about the people who are the most important and dearest to me. It's tough even to write about this... My fear is based on "magical thinking" and the belief that if I think something bad about someone I love, bad things will happen. And the more I worry about it, the more terrifying scripts my brain creates. Here is my OCD story in a brief summary. I started to have intrusive thoughts as a kid. Even in my childhood, my rituals were mostly mental. During my college years the obsessions almost disappeared. Then a few years later they came back (probably because of stress at my work), but I still could live with intrusive thoughts because they didn't take up most of my time. Everything has changed recently, after a chain of traumatic stressful events occurred in my life in a very short period of time. My anxiety has increased significantly, OCD has gotten worse. When I was looking for some useful information about struggling with intrusive thoughts, I read a post by a woman in which she wrote that she was afraid of accidentally cursing her child. I understand that it sounds crazy and there's no logic at all, but after a while I realised that this thought popped into my head and I can't get rid of it. This really scared me. I know that OCD quite often attacks the things we love and care about. For me, it's my family. I'm afraid that I'll wish my loved ones something bad and it will hurt them... These thoughts come up against my will. I realize that this is illogical, and probably the only person I can harm with my thoughts is myself. But the "what if..." thought destroys me. Unfortunately, I can't afford the ERP therapy because I live in Eastern Europe. At this moment, I'm researching sources and specialized literature on my own. As I understand one of the main factors in the success of therapy, and one of the first steps is the acceptance of the thoughts. But in my case, the problem is that there remain a couple thoughts that are still in my mind unacceptable (like wishing bad things on my family). I don't know what to do about it... I'm so desperate... Maybe someone has experienced something similar? I really want to believe that there is a way out of this trap because OCD is taking everything I care about... I'm really scared, and it's occupying all my mind.

Username: dslite

Date posted: 27w ago

My story

I have had ocd my whole life… recently for the last year my ocd developed into harm ocd. Four years prior to meeting my husband, I was in an abusive relationship that left me with PTSD and trauma. I have had fears of hurting my husband for almost a year now. My ocd shows me images of me stabbing him or suffocating him. I have tried exposure therapy with an OCD therapist but recently she recommended that I try medication. I went to my PCP and tried Fluvoxamine with bad side effects of anxiety and paranoia (I am off of this now for at least two weeks). Now my ocd has “evolved” as I call it. I’m afraid of my husband poisoning my food, afraid of hurting my animals and the people I love and even now random strangers… all I feel everyday is fear and anxiety over doing something wrong. Today, my PCP called crisis on me as I expressed to him what I also did to my therapists (I’m transitioning to a weekly therapy instead of monthly with a new service) and I was placed in an in patient facility for a few hours before the psychiatrists discharged me. I still don’t know how to process this situation and have been on edge since returning home. I had ocd thoughts again tonight being worried about giving into the harm ocd thoughts and am now in a hotel room in order to feel safe (the OPPOSITE of what I should be doing, I know). Moral of the story is… I have gone through a lot in the past month and it has left me more broken and hurt then before I was on medication. Sorry for the novel to read but hopefully one day I will find relief.

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