I’ve become terrified of the internet and technology. My biggest obsession right now is that there’s sexual videos of me on porn sites or on the internet. All it takes is one bad guy to record me secretly and put me on there. I’ve never been blackmailed or anything and it can happen to anyone but I get an urge to check because the feeling is so strong that I’m on there. I will check key words on porn hub and I’ll be relieved for a second when I don’t find anything but then I think of other things to search and then I doubt if I saw correctly. I say “what if that was me and I just overlooked it?” And my initial obsession gets worse. I have the urge to check again and when I don’t I have it repeating in my mind that there’s a video out there of me.

I was once terrified of the internet too. I thought I was gonna go to the dark web & watch ppl getting murdered, child porn & stuff & actually like it. It was so horrifying. I really got tricked by myself into thinking I would really do that, that I was powerless & eventually I'd give into the "urge" & it was so terrifying. I still shudder at the thought. But what I did was try to control my compulsions no matter how hard it was & lived with the uncertainty that maybe I would, maybe I won't

Jazzz, what’s the worst case scenario if there was a sexual picture or video of floating around the Internet? I think you can do some good mental exposure response by taking yourself through the absolute worst case scenario. It’s not fun (like all ERP) but if you make a little like script of it and just repeat it over and over to yourself, it starts to lose its power.

Thanks for your response! ❤️ it’s just hard with my real event ocd because I went through a wild stage and had bad drunk nights and sexual escapades that could’ve been recorded. My friend told me to try a sugar daddy site and it was so traumatizing and my biggest regret. I saw on a show recently how a sugar daddy secretly recorded everything and it triggered me off again. The worst is doubting what I saw the first time I checked and wanting to check again. It’s like I doubt my own memory and judgement.

Jazzz1234 every person has experienced a wild stage . More or less wilder . Don't be ashamed of it. Only stupid people judge someone elses past

No problem :) youre not alone. I was sending nudes just to hear compliments from ugly men from tinder lol.

@jajusuina. Thank you. I needed to hear that. Ever since that time I always felt unlovable like no man will accept such a past or I feel the need to confess everything because I feel like my past will come back to haunt me one day in one form or another. Sitting with uncertainty has never been easy for me.

I know this post is from 5 years ago, but I wanted to chime in for those reading this and feeling the same way. We all have had things in our past that we are not proud of or wish we didn't do. My wife and I have been married for 30 years and still love each other very much. But yes, she had a video of her and her boyfriend before we met. And she told me it was not the only one, that there are others "out there". But neither her nor I care about it. She is with me now and has been for 30 years. As in the movie the Lion King when Rafegie hits Simba on the head with a stick, and when asked why, he says "What does it matter, it's in the past".