- Username
- SilentlyBattling
- Date posted
- 31w ago
Question for other HOCD/SO-OCD sufferers
I put in a trigger warning, have others done things such as “am I gay” quizzes or tests on the internet? If so, how did you stop?
I put in a trigger warning, have others done things such as “am I gay” quizzes or tests on the internet? If so, how did you stop?
I completely relate. I used to do so many tests from every website (from more specific to OCD and mental health to buzzfeed tests). It did not matter that the test told me that I had HOCD or confirmed my sexual orientation, I had to repeat it because my brain was saying that I was cheating on the test and it was not true. Try to restrain from doing them. It doesn’t really matter the results, your brain will always tell you that you are lying
For me, it was coming to the realization that no matter what any of the test said and my brain would just ask what if it’s wrong, or something along those lines. The tests were just a compulsion and no matter how many times I was told this is most likely HOCD, I couldn’t go on with my day. Even now as I’m doing much better than I was at my lowest point, I still have that urge to do a test or look something up to make sure, but I know giving in won’t help the situation and will only make it worse in the long run
I’m in a really bad panic at the moment re my ocd. I’m trying so hard to accept the thoughts/feelings and accept how real and true it all feels, despite the panic and anxiety. I read somewhere that you can clearly tell the difference between a thought about your sexuality being true vs an ocd thought. It said if the thoughts/feelings/narrative makes you feel panic, anxiety and dread, like you don’t want the thoughts, then it’s ocd. If they make you feel warm, content and normal, then they’re likely not ocd. Is that how people and psychologists differentiate? My situation is that I’m a 36 year old male that never questioned or had to question my sexuality until one day at 26, I had the question pop up “are you gay”. Since then, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. Questioning, checking, anxious 24/7, wanting to escape myself. Help :(
I have been heterosexual all my life and been exclusively attracted to women in all aspects. Although, admittedly that I find all people aesthetically attractive (regardless of gender), it was in my nature to complement them and admire them for who they are. I’m currently in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and have been happy up until the end of 2023. It wasn’t until the start of January where the normal things that I did made me question about my sexuality. I kept obsessing over it and overthinking about it up until the point that I kept asking for reassurance from my family and partner as well as none-stop researching about it. It has been taking up my time in school and I’m losing my sleep. My mind was telling me that I was bisexual or gay, but deep down it felt wrong like it wasn’t me. I was having thoughts and fantasies that would wake me up and feel repulsed. I am slowly staring to get numb and be emotionless. I also have been very anxious and have started to get attractions and arousals that I didn’t like. I’m also starting to lose attraction to my partner and there have been instances where the thoughts were so close to convincing me. I just want to be happy with my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose our relationship as well as our future. I don’t also want to lose my self. I have been getting false attractions, groinal responses, thoughts and images that are bothersome and makes me feel repulsed. It gets worse whenever I analyze my past. I don’t know what to do and I just want to cry.
Does anyone find tiktoks about being ‘realising’ they are gay or coming out later in life really triggering? I have SO-OCD and seeing those things makes me question everything so deeply. How do you cope with this please.
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