I’m angry. Irritated. Whatever. I’m in a day program and yesterday they’re freaking out because I was open about my harm ocd. The dr I saw yesterday in the afternoon that wasn’t my actual doctor talked to me and told them it’s just ocd. Today my actual doctor told me to TELL MY FATHER THE THOUGHTS I GET OF STABBING HIM AND MY MOM IN THEIR SLEEP. Because “I don’t think he’d understand if he heard it from me” ME EITHER. Why the HELL would you give meaning to my thought?! Why would you make me tell him?! There’s no purpose, he’s an idiot! He was like “so you get thoughts of murdering us in our sleep” and said “should I be ready”. And then my dumb self mentioned my pocd while trying to explain ocd to him. ?‍♀️ He’s “trying” to be better then he used to be but he still pisses me off. I miss my best friend, I used to trust her with this stuff. I hate talking about my dad to anyone else.

Harm OCD

Infinite1010

Date posted: 5y

Yeah, my dad doesn't understand my OCD symptoms either?? He's all like "why don't you just stop the repetitive actions" and I'm like "because it causes me severe distress if I don't" and he's all like"?." Ughh? The fact of the matter is that people without OCD just don't get us. BUT! Here, we do get you. We understand that you are not a bad person, as a matter of fact, the fact that those thoughts cause you distress proves it! Is the doctor that told you to do that a general doctor or a actual OCD therapist?

TonyOCD

Date posted: 5y

Hey! From what I understand, you told your father and he said if he should be ready, right? Sorry, I wasn't clear on that. But I do know that when it comes to speaking about OCD it's better to expect people to react erroneously and not blame them at least at the moment we are "coming out" on telling them (which actually is the moment we need them the most). We are all soooo used to go through life without questioning our thoughts, desires, and behaviors that we always think they are the same and that they all come from the same place: us and who we "are or might want to be". So you mention OCD yo someone and they quickly think their's at least a hidden temptation or desire on you to act on whatever you are mentioning you are affraid of. Keep explaining them what OCD is and hopefully he might understand better. Wether we like it or not, our family is important in supoorting us. But if they don't, then we still find a way to push through! You are not your mind and You're loved ❤ keep pushing?

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@Infinite1010 The Doctor is a general doctor. My therapist is not someone who actually deals specifically with OCD, and I just got diagnosed with BPD, so my therapist and psyche wanted me to go to a day program for “crisis” basically. But I’m hoping after they’ll be able to find me someone who specializes in ocd and takes my insurance and that I’d be able to get to them since I have no car.

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@TonyOCD yeah, that’s what he said. In the past my father has been an asshole, and honestly I have trouble trusting him for that reason. I think he’s trying to be better now, but it’s still hard to trust him. He at least wasn’t angry about it, but he got defensive when I tried to explain.

TonyOCD

Date posted: 5y

Mars, but few therapists know how to treat OCD well. I dont know where you live, but The Behavioral Wellness Clinic specializes specifically in OCD treatment. I might be wrong here, but I think they accept insurance and, even if they don't, they do have low fee opportunities for people in need. I provided evidence of my need and believe me I'm in treatment at a rate that is nowhere near their normal ones. They also provide teleconsultation in case you live far. Look for them on the internet or try to find help near you in the International OCD Foundation website. A general doctor knows nothing about psychological disorders and diagnoses yet for some reason people make the mistake of consulting them for psychological conditions. Even worse they can make the mistake of telling you what to do instead of referring you to proper assistance. A general doctor is where my mom took me the first time I told her I had OCD 11 years ago. There's nothing he could do then. Hang in there ❤

Infinite1010

Date posted: 5y

@Mars I see. Here are a few great resources to finding a specialized therapist! First start here, because the therapists that are recommended are very specialized in OCD https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/find-help/ If none are the right fit from there, then using this resource will help you find more, plus you can also filter for BPD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Now, I will say, I strongly recommend that when you contact a therapist to first ask if they accept your insurance, then also ask about the BPD. The second part is a little important because I waited like 2 1/2 months to see a therapist just for her to say "I can't help you because you have co-occuring disorders" so that sucked. My current therapist specializes in OCD and understands I have other co-occuring disorders, but we are just working on the OCD. So take a look and message as many as you think are a good fit and see if they can work with you. Good luck?

flowerpetals

Date posted: 24w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 22w

Lost

I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍‍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 14w

feeling misunderstood

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

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