To the HOCD people please name some compulsions and obsessions you all get/do

I know this sounds petrifying, but I think that’s exactly what you should tell yourself. Just be like “Yep, I’m totally gay! I’m as gay as can be and I’m proud!” Your OCD will have no idea what to do. Hopefully, pretty soon you won’t be analysing your every thought/feeling around members of the same/opposite sex and with time you’ll learn to forget these compulsive behaviours and return to your original selves. You are so much stronger than OCD. I believe in you! d a i s y

(I’m trying not to feed into your ocd here) I’m straight, and like any gay individual I’ve known from the moment I was born born who I love. Sexuality isn’t something that changes over night. I presume gay people are quite accepting and embracing of their sexuality! The difference between an OCD sufferers and a gay person is the fear! A gay person isn’t worried about being gay, they’ve known it from the minute they drew their first breath.

And saying your Bisexual doesn’t really help cause your mind might still go into overdrive and say nah fam you gay

Yeah, sometimes I will say “ok maybe I’ll accept I’m bi” and I’ll think yeah I can live with that and just choose my boyfriend and then it’s like “but you’re gay. Like .. no guys. At all” and I’m thinking whyyyyyyy

Thank you it’s just that I’ve never experienced this before and it really makes me upset cuz I’m now checking out guys and thinking about certain gay guys too and sometimes it’s like yes I’ve figured it out and it’s all just so terrifying. I dated girls all last year and now it’s like do I even want that anymore?? It’s so upsetting

Haha I could be here all day! I can’t even type the things I’m afraid will happen. But I have phrases I need to repeat in my head, I have to do things a special number of times and everything has to be symmetrical. I also have to apologise compulsively if I’m worried I’ve hurt someone (e.g. bumped into them.) By far my worst HOCD compulsion is the need to confess my violent intrusive thoughts and seek reassurance that I haven’t hurt someone in the past and forgotten about it! I’ve got quite the cocktail of compulsions haha! d a i s y

I had a thought that maybe I just can’t accept myself being homosexual and I had an extreme anxiety attack after I thought that and idk if that means anything

I’m constantly telling myself I’m gay and then respond with “I’m not gay” or “I don’t want to be gay” I have to check out every girl now and it freaks me out I sometimes look up symptoms of HOCD and coming out stories and compare myself I question where in my life is there evidence that I am gay or have turned gay I question how can a person turn gay all of a sudden I tell myself that I must be in denial and to just admit it and I fight these urges I went to an OCD specialist and he is going to get me started with ERP but the whole time I was thinking “it won’t work because I’m in denial” which makes me so sad because I want to like men again and I have always swooned over guys growing up. My parents would laugh at how boy crazy I was and now I’m questioning everything.

Same I sometimes feel like I should just give up and be gay

The best thing that works for me is to just not react to the thoughts. When I stop reacting, I stop questioning. The only problem I have is how to keep that habit because then I will think “am I just accepting I am gay now?” And do the compulsions all over again to get my anxiety back to know I’m not actually gay

Does it get so bad to the point where you feel so scared that you WANT to be gay?

As in you’re in major denial

I always think the same thing. Some days I do give up and say “I’m gay now” and it’s like I get a sense of relief for a second but then I’m sad and anxious bc I just want to be straight :((

Yes!

Ok good I’m not the only one!

I feel like now I’m just telling myself “I can’t accept the fact that I’m gay” and it makes me super anxious

Yeah I tell myself “I can’t accept it” and it’s awful bc my OCD says “you have to and you’ll be happy” and sometimes I get to the point where I look in the mirror and say “I’m gay now! Idk how it happened and it sucks but I have to accept it” and I’ll write it too. Then I feel a tiny bit better and then guilty bc I’m like noooo that’s not me!!

I completely understand, OCD is very manipulative. I’m trying really hard to to provide reassurance here, but maybe it could help to remind yourself that you don’t fall in love with a gender, you fall in love with a person. Whoever that may be, what matters is you bring each other joy and happiness. When the person comes along, your heart will be so much stronger than you obsessions ? Would maybe telling yourself you bisexual help? That way you could just accept the false feelings of attraction without telling yourself you’re in denial and getting really anxious? I’m so sorry if I’m not helping, I haven’t got a ton of experience in this kind of OCD! d a i s y

Y’all all speaking my life ??

I totally understand, I’m so sorry if that offended you! OCD is awful.

I feel like maybe I’ve been lying about my sexuality my whole life

That’s how I feel also

And all my friends would always call me gay cuz that’s just my personality. I’m very outgoing and now I’m starting to convince myself that I listen to gay music, watch things that a gay person would I feel like I match all the stereotypes

Aw, Ben. This is your OCD speaking. It’s terrific at manipulating your thoughts until you no longer can recognise the difference between ocd and reality. It’s also got a clever way of creating false memories, making you doubly your past and convince you of something no true. If it provides any consolation, when I was 14 I was convinced I must have murdered someone as a child and forgotten about it. I obsessed over it so much I believed I was a murderer and that I wanted to hurt people. OCD sucks. It’s so powerful. But you’re stronger. If you were truely gay you wouldn’t be afraid of it or worried about it. You wouldn’t rethink every relationship you’ve ever had. Recognise when OCD is doing the talking, if you anxious about a thought, chances are it’s completely irrational and not you at all! I really hope you’re feeling better!

I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m being so insensitive and not helping at all! I just want to be able to help so bad because I know what it feels like to be convinced of something not true. One day, when you’re not stuck in this headspace, you’ll look back upon this time a be able to recognise how controlled you were by your ocd. :) I believe in you!

Ben, do you have a OCD specialist you see?

I understand how you feel, Ben. It’s just OCD talking. Have you tried reading books on OCD?

@Na no I have a therapist for CBT but she told me to seek a ocd specialist. I haven’t even been diagnosed with it officially

I literally sometimes just want to die

Hang in there, Ben! You are just going through a bump in the road. I know how it feels, but it will get better

Bump in the road as in phase or OCD

OCD!

Ok in a way I’m hoping this is ocd

@Ben m if gay stereotypes were accurate there would be a lot more gay people than there already are ! I’m a girl and I hang with guys sometimes, and play video games and stuff, but yet- I know I fall in love with men too. Stereotypes are only that. So don’t give into those things

I’ve started analyzing the way I act, talk, walk and how I look to see if I’m gay

I recommend looking up a video ab HOCD by shalomachleim on YouTube bc she explains it very well

I’m just afraid that I’ve turned gay or that I’ve come to terms with it

@Ben m very normal with HOCD, but I do recommend the video bc she explains what you’re going through

It’s like why can’t I look at girls the same ??