Does anyone else here’s OCD prevent them from doing things that you used to love? Because of my OCD I avoid partaking in any of my hobbies including reading or painting. Just wondering if anyone can relate!! :)

Idk if this is OCD per se, it feels more like perfectionism than anything. but I was wondering if anyone can relate. I’m a girl approaching the age of 20 and there are certain things I really want to be able to enjoy and pamper myself with, like getting my nails done, or getting a lash lift. But I’ve discovered that doing either brings me a lot of stress. For example, I just bought some nice press on nails last week and I put them on last night (which took me soooo long) and I’ve been so stressed about them since. I keep worrying that they’re going to fall off right away and I keep checking them and pushing on them to see, so much so that I worry I’m going to make them loose. I already had one looking like it was starting to lift, and instead of leaving it I pulled it off entirely cuz I’d rather start over and redo it than have it fall off, and now I’m worried my other nails are gonna fall off and that I should just pull them off now before they do. I keep pushing on one nail that feels loose to me. But it hasn’t lifted, but I’ve pushed it so much now that I want to rip it off. And another example, when I get a lash lift I worry so much because I start obsessing over the evenness of the curl on both sides. It always feels like one side is more curled than the other. Or that one side looks more fuller (more lashes) than the other and it makes me stressed. And I also obsess over those pesky lashes that just didn’t want to curl and I try pulling them out sometimes to make it look for even. It’s just little things like that which make these experiences unenjoyable for me, even tho I so badly want to enjoy them. I spent money on these nails and I want them to last and I’m so worried that I did them wrong and ruined it. I just don’t want them to fall off. But they’re caused me a lot of stress in the last 24hrs and I’ve been hyperfixating on them so much.

My ocd gets so loud in the silence and right before bed when there’s no distractions. I always struggled with anxiety since my teens and guided meditation used to help… until OCD. First time trying guided meditation with OCD I had an intrusive thought of “what if you actually lose control and can’t follow these instructions?” And got even more anxious 🫠🫠🫠 had to stop, and haven’t tried to meditate ever since. Just curious to know. Sometimes I feel like I have the worst type of OCD. It will latch onto anything to make me anxious!

The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.