All i ever wanted was a man. Now i cant even feel attracted to one. I wanna feel the attraction deeply again i want it to warm me up again and i want it to show me how beautiful life is again. I want it to glow up my days and give my life reason again. I feel like the woman jn me is killed. I wouldve never thought this would have so much impact. That it would kill my hapiness and that it would make everything grey and dull. I cant see the good in anything like this. I want to be the woman who i was supposed to be and not the one who’s blooming got interrupted by this and now feels like a dead flower instead of a blooming one. I was on my way to becoming the woman i wanted to be and who i was. I felt deepy who i wanted to be in life but i cant feel that as long as hocd is in me.

This is so relatable. I can't stop thinking that being so boy crazy when I was younger jinxed adult me ?

I just really hope we can all get over this

Same. You're not alone.

I understand how you feel. But if you truly were becoming attracted to women , so be it. You don’t like it now , but many times as people get used to something , they start to become okay with it and may even grow to love it. Think about any person you’ve ever starting out disliking or hating. And as you get to know them and spend more time with them , you’ll realize they weren’t so bad after all and you can’t believe you didn’t like them before. That applies here even if it doesn’t seem that way right now. You can still be a woman who likes other women !! How does that change your identity as a woman ? It really shouldn’t because the two can go together just fine

It's not about it changing our identity as women. It's about our identity in general. No one wants something that made them happy ripped out of their hands against their will.

I feel exactly the same sometimes

I know its so hard to accept this is me now

@hateocd123 nobody said that’s something you would want ... I’m trying to help here. And I understand that , but the only way you will recover is if you accept that that part of you may have changed. I’ve been through this for many years . I think I know that it’s not fun . Don’t try it

@hateocd123 maybe I could have worded my response better. What I was trying to say was that you have to come to terms with it as a possibility. Because constantly trying to hang onto that part of you that you do not want to lose , while understandable and relatable , is not going to stifle the cycle of OCD. It reinforces to your mind and brain that any other possibility is a threat , and that’s simply not what you want with OCD. I’m saddened that my response came off disrespectfully or ignorant. But I’ve been through this for many years as I said , so I’m just trying to help .

@hateocd123 but you’re 100% right . I could have explained my point way better . Forget I even said anything . @hocdgirlsummer , being attracted to women wouldn’t change who you are as a person. You are more than your sexuality , remember that :) You could have the same friends , same interests , and same hobbies !! Would there be some challenges ? Maybe , but that’s okay . You could overcome those and grow as a result of them . Wishing you nothing but the best ❤️

Okay that makes a lot of sense! I will try but its like ive lowkey already accepted it because i stopped caring for a long time. In that time i lost anxiety but it just bounced back because i still didnt feel like who i was. I was more relaxed than i was before but thats it. Its like i jusr cant be who i was without attravtion because its like my network crashed. A lot of things i liked because they somehow had maybe a link to boys but if indont like them indont know what i like. It feels just empty

I'm starting to feel comfortable saying I just don't want to label myself. That way it doesn't feel like I'm being disingenuous to anyone. I can accept the hocd intrusive thoughts that way. Is that wrong?

Or is that idea on the right track

@hocdgirlsummer the crashing of your attraction will not last forever. It’s basically like having to sit with the pain for a while and just accept how you feel , and by doing that , you teach your brain that there’s no threat and your brain won’t be so frantic , which will make it so that you aren’t drained out and can feel everything you used to feel

Can somebody please set my mind free.

Xiiiandreww well thats basically the problem that i cant be myself like this. Why? Vecause boys actually made me happy. What my brain does is thinking i like woman. I never actually liked a woman. I never felt the way i felt for boys for woman. I have expierenced love and being in love with boys and never have i exoerienced it with woman. So basically what my mind does is slowely kill any attraction to men and start tellig my brain inlike woman but its not right andit feels misplaced it feels like im being forced to like woman and there is no way to give in or accept that if its not the true me. If if was and it felt right i wouldve gave in a long time ago to pass all this suffering. Its more that i cant be happy and cant do my hobbies and live my dreams because it all dont feel same anymore. It all feels grey and numb due to this. So if i would “accept the possibility” i would never be happy again suddenly because by doing that i wouldnt recieve the hapiness of liking and being in love with boys and i need that kind of hapiness to enjoy those things again.

@hocdgirlsummer I get why you say that accepting it would make it difficult for you to happy but you really should not tell yourself that. By telling yourself that , you are requiring your brain and mind to believe it as well and that makes it harder to break the cycle. You definitely don’t have to say that you aren’t straight just to come to acceptance , but you should at the very least try to accept that you don’t know and can’t know the answer with 100% certainty. You are exactly the person you were before this , but anxiety has a way of making you have less energy and it drains you of your previous attraction. That’s why you have to accept it as a possibility , so you train your mind to be okay with it and you begin to realize that there’s even more to life than who you are attracted to. I know it’s hard but trust me it’s possible. People have told themselves they couldn’t be happy without being attracted to who they were attracted to before only to come to accept the uncertainty and be happy nonetheless. Once you start to embrace the fact that you don’t know , and you recognize how you feel without judging yourself or your thoughts , you’ll probably feel less drained and who you were before will start to show up again !

For a long time I did accept it. I identified as bisexual even though deep down I knew that I wasn't really into girls. That started to cause it's own issue for me. I guess one if my obsessions is the fear of lying or being imposter. How do I fix that? It's like every possibility is a catch 22 for me. I'm damned if I do I'm damn if I don't.

@hateocd123 that’s the perfect thing to do!! You aren’t putting any pressure on yourself to fit into a box which is great. That way you don’t tell yourself that you’re bi but you don’t tell yourself your straight either.