- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This is so relatable. I can't stop thinking that being so boy crazy when I was younger jinxed adult me ?
I just really hope we can all get over this
Same. You're not alone.
I understand how you feel. But if you truly were becoming attracted to women , so be it. You don’t like it now , but many times as people get used to something , they start to become okay with it and may even grow to love it. Think about any person you’ve ever starting out disliking or hating. And as you get to know them and spend more time with them , you’ll realize they weren’t so bad after all and you can’t believe you didn’t like them before. That applies here even if it doesn’t seem that way right now. You can still be a woman who likes other women !! How does that change your identity as a woman ? It really shouldn’t because the two can go together just fine
It's not about it changing our identity as women. It's about our identity in general. No one wants something that made them happy ripped out of their hands against their will.
I feel exactly the same sometimes
I know its so hard to accept this is me now
@hateocd123 nobody said that’s something you would want ... I’m trying to help here. And I understand that , but the only way you will recover is if you accept that that part of you may have changed. I’ve been through this for many years . I think I know that it’s not fun . Don’t try it
@hateocd123 maybe I could have worded my response better. What I was trying to say was that you have to come to terms with it as a possibility. Because constantly trying to hang onto that part of you that you do not want to lose , while understandable and relatable , is not going to stifle the cycle of OCD. It reinforces to your mind and brain that any other possibility is a threat , and that’s simply not what you want with OCD. I’m saddened that my response came off disrespectfully or ignorant. But I’ve been through this for many years as I said , so I’m just trying to help .
@hateocd123 but you’re 100% right . I could have explained my point way better . Forget I even said anything . @hocdgirlsummer , being attracted to women wouldn’t change who you are as a person. You are more than your sexuality , remember that :) You could have the same friends , same interests , and same hobbies !! Would there be some challenges ? Maybe , but that’s okay . You could overcome those and grow as a result of them . Wishing you nothing but the best ❤️
Okay that makes a lot of sense! I will try but its like ive lowkey already accepted it because i stopped caring for a long time. In that time i lost anxiety but it just bounced back because i still didnt feel like who i was. I was more relaxed than i was before but thats it. Its like i jusr cant be who i was without attravtion because its like my network crashed. A lot of things i liked because they somehow had maybe a link to boys but if indont like them indont know what i like. It feels just empty
I'm starting to feel comfortable saying I just don't want to label myself. That way it doesn't feel like I'm being disingenuous to anyone. I can accept the hocd intrusive thoughts that way. Is that wrong?
Or is that idea on the right track
@hocdgirlsummer the crashing of your attraction will not last forever. It’s basically like having to sit with the pain for a while and just accept how you feel , and by doing that , you teach your brain that there’s no threat and your brain won’t be so frantic , which will make it so that you aren’t drained out and can feel everything you used to feel
Can somebody please set my mind free.
Xiiiandreww well thats basically the problem that i cant be myself like this. Why? Vecause boys actually made me happy. What my brain does is thinking i like woman. I never actually liked a woman. I never felt the way i felt for boys for woman. I have expierenced love and being in love with boys and never have i exoerienced it with woman. So basically what my mind does is slowely kill any attraction to men and start tellig my brain inlike woman but its not right andit feels misplaced it feels like im being forced to like woman and there is no way to give in or accept that if its not the true me. If if was and it felt right i wouldve gave in a long time ago to pass all this suffering. Its more that i cant be happy and cant do my hobbies and live my dreams because it all dont feel same anymore. It all feels grey and numb due to this. So if i would “accept the possibility” i would never be happy again suddenly because by doing that i wouldnt recieve the hapiness of liking and being in love with boys and i need that kind of hapiness to enjoy those things again.
@hocdgirlsummer I get why you say that accepting it would make it difficult for you to happy but you really should not tell yourself that. By telling yourself that , you are requiring your brain and mind to believe it as well and that makes it harder to break the cycle. You definitely don’t have to say that you aren’t straight just to come to acceptance , but you should at the very least try to accept that you don’t know and can’t know the answer with 100% certainty. You are exactly the person you were before this , but anxiety has a way of making you have less energy and it drains you of your previous attraction. That’s why you have to accept it as a possibility , so you train your mind to be okay with it and you begin to realize that there’s even more to life than who you are attracted to. I know it’s hard but trust me it’s possible. People have told themselves they couldn’t be happy without being attracted to who they were attracted to before only to come to accept the uncertainty and be happy nonetheless. Once you start to embrace the fact that you don’t know , and you recognize how you feel without judging yourself or your thoughts , you’ll probably feel less drained and who you were before will start to show up again !
For a long time I did accept it. I identified as bisexual even though deep down I knew that I wasn't really into girls. That started to cause it's own issue for me. I guess one if my obsessions is the fear of lying or being imposter. How do I fix that? It's like every possibility is a catch 22 for me. I'm damned if I do I'm damn if I don't.
@hateocd123 that’s the perfect thing to do!! You aren’t putting any pressure on yourself to fit into a box which is great. That way you don’t tell yourself that you’re bi but you don’t tell yourself your straight either.
So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
Will I ever be a girl again ? Is this just my life now ? At this point it’s just making me depressed. I feel idk who I am anymore and the person thought I was is fading completely. It hurts to see other pretty girl doing great in life like that’s what I wanted . I wanted to be a pretty girl who loved her self and did good in life . I want a husband, baby all of that shit . And I feel like this just holds me back from living up to my true potential.
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