Partner Focused ROCD💔

People make it sound like with partner focused ROCD, the flaws you obsess about aren’t actually real or legitimate, they’re just in your head, but is it also normal to focus on flaws that do actually exist? Like recently I’ve been super obsessed over my bf’s occasionally whiny voice, whether he means it to be whiny or not. And it’s a real thing that I have physically witnessed, it’s not just in my head, and I can’t stop obsessing over it. It feels harder to try and get over when I know it’s a real thing, not just something I’m making up. I keep wanting to not feel this way but I’m worried it will never happen because the things I’m obsessing about aren’t always in my head, they’re physically being played out in front of me, and I can’t make that change. I’m scared.

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

okay girl i totally understand. so what we as people with rocd fail to understand is that there absolutely WILL BE valid things that we do not like about our partner. now, other people may not be as diligent and focused on detail and that certainly is a big reason why we focus in on these things when we get a thought, which in turn creates more thoughts from this one. the biggest thing im dealing with right now and the “hill i’m climbing” of you will is understanding and APPLYING that there are something’s that i just cannot change. i cannot change the way my partner says something, i cannot control the way my partner looks, dresses, acts and most importantly I CANNOT CONTROL WHEN OR IF I GET ANXIOUS and that is the real root of this. if we can begin to apply this to our lives and understand that we can’t even control that…we can understand more how and why our brain reacts the way it does when it picks up a flaw. it allows us to dig deeper on that thought: NOT THAT ITS TRUE, because remember our ocd has a tendency to misconstrue and feed off of rumination and most ocd thoughts are ego dystonic and i don’t want to give you too much reassurance. however if we learn to live by our values and morals even if that day it’s just- your love and care for your partner and that’s it, THATS OKAY. there are so so many things in rocd that we blow up and out of proportion through a lens of fear because it triggers our fight or flight, and because at one point this is what kept us safe.

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you so much for the encouragement 🫶 you did a good job of explaining it all, and it’s nice to find others who can understand and relate to the situation. I wish the best for both of us

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

ofc!! and to maybe drive this home for you (and maybe also help me too!) when i met my current partner, i was head over heels and i was obsessed with everything about her, and then one day i wasn’t. i was so scared and i tried so so hard to feel in love but i didnt bc i was forcing it (feelings not my truth) it wasn’t because either one of us did anything, that day i just didn’t feel it. and that happens. that’s normal and we’re allowed to have those moments. flash forward 5 months later i got my ocd diagnosis, just around the time my partner and i got back together (yes guys rocd got me and we broke up was totally necessary tho) it felt liberating to know but also was super uncomfortable to know that this is what drives these thoughts and how in the world and i going to be able to get through this. we get through this by choosing love and staying in the relationship. even if we think we’re lying, even if we think today we’ve never loved them and it feels like we’re frozen. there is such a thing as seeing a flaw THATS NORMAL in the best relationships. but i promise this too shall pass i say this in the middle of a spike! remember to live by ur values and know that we can make it feel less loud it just takes hard work and grounding!!

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you so much 🫶 I’m glad you’ve been able to work through it, even in the toughest moments. I hope I can get there too. Sometimes I forget to take a moment to recognize the progress I’ve made, there are things that I used to be so focused on that I don’t worry about as much anymore. I know it comes with time, and even if it never truly goes away, I hope I can at least make progress and be in a better place. And I know my bf is always supporting me as I work through it.

clair_m88

Date posted: 23w

Help :( ROCD & object permanence

Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺

Relationship OCD

Mk3

Date posted: 15w

ROCD

Sometimes I think I truly think negative thoughts about my bf but I feel it could be because of how obsessive I am over the thought. Does that make any sense ??? Like I genuinely think it often but only because of how obsessed I am over it

ellij

Date posted: 10w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

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Partner Focused ROCD💔

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