Its a hard day today...

Suicidal ocd got so bad again, i means i still didnt healed that and i dont know how to heal it. I say its suicidal ocd but i still feel like it might be real and i explain why. Again i got so frustrated and felt down that i got thoughts like just end it im tired. Theres no guarantee that one day i might not act on this tho and this is why im afraid. Alot of times these thoughts come up when im angry, frustrated and depressed and even that i dont want to, its not concious, it makes me cope with the feelings cause when i have these thoughts suddenly the pain goes away and thats why im afraid cause it feels like im coping the pain with the thoughts of dying. I feels so diffetent than how others discribe suicidal ocd. I actually find it that mine is similar to the people who says they experienced suicidal thoughts before. I heard someone sharing her story and said she hated how shr looked and she experienced suicidal thoughts. For me when i deal with any anger or shame or i feel like i look ugly i do have these thoughzs too popping up my mind, i dont like them but they are there, but the girl who said it didnt liked them either and i feel like alot of times when people share about their suicidal thoughts, they doesnt like them. And what is the scariest thing to me, the usual beleif is that suicidal people doesnt want to die, they just want to end the pain. So there is, they doesnt want to die, they just want to escape. And when i ask that myself, i respond like well yeah i dont want die but do i want to stop the suffering? Well yeah who doesnt... and these thoughts are really strong for me it seems like i do have some problems with that cause others doesnt seem to struggle like this with it. So should i accept that im actually have suicidal problems and accept the shame and bad feeling and work on that?

Suicidal OCD

Username: Sheldon CarterSheldon Carter

Date posted: 34w ago

I have moments where my OCD will trigger suicidal thoughts, in those moments where I'm stuck in OCD, I'm angry and frustrated an also in those moments, extremely exhausted. Then suicidal thoughts trickle in. I'm not a professional, and I don't get therapy for OCD yet. However I can empathize with this situation to some degree. When I step away and take a break, remember this is a disorder, and how the brain actually thinks it's protecting me from harm, I can feel the relief and can detach from the rituals and suicidal thoughts. A tool I find when I'm stuck and can't get out is to actually read or listen to experts discuss how OCD works and what it actually is. It just reminds me it IS a disorder and it's not reality, regardless of how my brain is making me feel. However, experiencing suicidal thoughts is something you should bring up to a medical expert. There is ABSOLUTELY no shame in having these thoughts. I think the best thing you can do is talk to a professional about OCD and explain you are also getting these thoughts. Just sometimes saying it out loud and to a professional who can guide you changes your perspective. OCD can be exhausting but it can be managed, it takes work but it really can be managed.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 34w ago

I was there, it didnt helped me... also i feel like you say you dont conciously think aboit suicide, more like it just comes up to your mind, as you said. Do you think that you have suicidal ocd or you view your situatuon as youre dealing with actual ideation?

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 34w ago

I’m sorry you are going through this. I would reach out to get some help determining if you feel truly suicidal or it is indeed OCD. Getting free from OCD is truly tiring and if you are doing erp for OCD it often gets worse before it gets better. You did mention that you don’t want to die just stop the suffering. Fighting the anxiety or thoughts makes them stick. It is truly difficult to let those thoughts and feelings run their course since they go against our values but the less attention you allow them the more power you take back in living the life you desire. I pray you do become a victor over OCD. Hang in there.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 34w ago

I am going through something similar. We will get through this

Username: 246Rwqa12@

Date posted: 24w ago

My ocd really flared up today

I really don’t understand myself, I tell myself they’re not real or thinking I’m not in my own head then I overthink that I would do something terrible to someone, then I get super anxious and worked up. I have control over my own self obviously, but if I just let myself go without thinking over my thoughts, I’m afraid something bad would happen. Therapy is helping but I don’t get it. I can be doing something so simple and my mind throws stuff at me, either from trauma, past experiences or something completely made up. I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to overcome this, because I beat myself up every time and think I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve the life I’m living. It’s so hard and some times I just want to give up, because it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s better than it is as but I’m done thinking all these dark thoughts and obsessing over them thinking that I could do these things because they live in my head rent free. I don’t want to do anything it tells me to do, so I fight. I fight hard and hopes that one day it will go away… does anyone else relate? I need someone to talk to about this.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

I hate pocd

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

Username: ElChavodel275

Date posted: 22w ago

Can ocd feel like this

I’ve been dealing with this harm theme for almost four months now, and well obviously life hasn’t been the best for me, the thoughts really circulate on hurting others, why couldn’t they just been about me instead? (I apologize to those currently suffering from self harm ocd) it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if my thoughts are really intrusive now, and it doesn’t help that I get urges to act on these thoughts. Why have I been cursed with such vile thoughts why me why now. The only good news so far is that I’m finally going to see if this is ocd or not and get diagnosed by a psychiatrist once I start college here in a few weeks(Thank gatos for my college has mental health resources) but honestly it just doesn’t really feel like ocd. I don’t know if I feel anxiety because it’s not the typical anxiety I feel. While my compulsions are mental it’s just wierd. Like I’m worried that ERP wouldn’t work for me. Sometimes I get thoughts like, how do people live without these thoughts? And how do they occupy their time? I know I used to be like other people, yk where I wasn’t worried or concerned because of these thoughts, like yeah I’ve had intrusive thoughts before in the past and they absolutely scared me, but I was just able to get over them. So why now does it feel like i can’t shake them off? Why do they have to show up everyday? And why have I become so apathetic? Like my empathy and sympathy feel like they’ve disappeared? And it’s so bad that sometimes I feel like if someone close to me just passed away I would feel nothing. Like when I heard my abuelo had skin cancer I just felt nothing and I was obsessing over the fact that I didn’t. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it just ocd or something worse?

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