Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and struggling with feelings of isolation.

Struggling pretty bad lately

It genuinely feels like this disorder is taking away my whole life. I cant go outside and hangout with the people I love or even be around strangers because my thoughts will include them and I’ll just get really uncomfortable and anxious. It has made me distance myself from so many ppl in my life and made me have thoughts and feelings that I don’t want and that I hate making me feel like a monster and a disgusting person. Sometimes I’m genuinely so close to taking my life. It feels like there’s no hope for me at all and that I’ll be like this forever fighting my own brain till I’m old and on my death bed. I’m supposed to be enjoying my summer but I just can’t. I cant go outside, I can’t go on social media, hell I can’t do anything because there will be a child around that will trigger me into a spiral. I can’t stay all summer locked up in my room and constantly making excuses to not go out. It’s been feeling so real too like I’m really the type of person that I don’t want to be and it’s so scary.

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

As some one with pure ocd with hurt thoughts which it sounds like you have some thing similar. I highly recommend that you do not isolate yourself even though I understand why you’d want to do that I really do. I have the same feelings and I did that and I had the worst Depression I’ve ever had in my life. I felt horrible I really recommend no one isolate themselves. I have thoughts of hurting my family. I see images of killing them and my ocd says I want to do it. I had hang out with them anyway and started meds. I slowly Learned that my ocd is just fear and not true wish’s. Keep working on your ocd , you will slowly get better.

Username: rosequartzrosequartz

Date posted: 26w ago

@Brooke cookie You’re right, I always tell myself I won’t isolate but when I’m confronted to certain situations I quickly crawl into my shell. I know it’s hard but I’ll try my best. I’m also so happy for you and I’m glad that you’re doing better now!

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

@rosequartz Right now I’m struggling with thoughts of wanting to hurt myself from my OCD unfortunately. I do find myself just wanting to hang out in my room the whole time so I can understand the isolating but it justmakes your depression and ocd worse so I’m not doing that instead I came up to my grandmas house I haven’t seen her in a minute. It’s good to see her:) keep working on your ocd ,we can heal from our ocd:)

Username: CancelPure0CancelPure0

Date posted: 26w ago

I’ve felt exactly how you’re describing. Even wanting to die. Lived it. I just reached out for help for the first time in 15 years through NOOCD and they assigned me to a therapist. Had my first session yesterday. It’s a relief for me to know that theirs someone who understands you. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Don’t engage with the thoughts and I really hope your day gets better.

Username: rosequartzrosequartz

Date posted: 26w ago

@CancelPure0 Thank you so much and eversince I’ve started therapy I’ve felt the same way as you did but sometimes all that gets overshadowed by the negative. I’ll try my best to get through this!

Username: BwillbebetterBwillbebetter

Date posted: 26w ago

I was thinking about this earlier today, OCD seems to have stolen incredible moments from my life and left me with nothing but anger, guilt and shame, nothing good to want to live for. I'm afraid that I will have to live performing compulsions forever to get rid of anxiety and that I will forever live in a constant fight against my own brain. But, at the same time as I think this, I feel like it's just a shit to give up when I'm not even 25 yet, I don't want to believe that my life will be just that, but I'll only know if I keep trying, day after day. I hope you can look at it from this side too, there may be more good things besides stress and symptoms, but we will only know if we stay here. I hope you feel better soon, good luck.

Username: rosequartzrosequartz

Date posted: 26w ago

@Bwillbebetter You’re absolutely right, the only way to find out if everything will be alright is to keep on living. It’s hard but I’ll try because I know deep down I don’t want to die but it just gets so overwhelming it feels like it’s the only solution. I wish you luck as well on your journey!💕

Username: charliebee

Date posted: 5y ago

Not sure how much of these thoughts I can take, I feel like everyday I'm getting closer and closer to insanity. I can't get the thoughts out, I can't see a reason to live, I can't do anything. I just hide in my room because of this monster I think I am, and feel like I shouldn't be allowed outdoors. I don't wanna die but this pain won't go away. I hope one day it gets better.

Username: serenity

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m to the point where I’m so depressed & don’t wanna live my own life that I just watch YouTube & TikToks of other ppls lives and live through them. When they’re happy I’m happy for them and accept to myself that I’ll never have a life like that. Man this disorder is killing me. I’ve spent 6 months knowing I’ve had it and it’s sucked out any enjoyment I’ve ever had in life. I went from thinking I’ve never done anything to harm anyone ever or have done anything illegal to now thinking I’m the most terrible person in the world and have harmed so many ppl. I’ve been in an inpatient hospital for mental health 2 times in the past 3 months bc I keep trying to commit suicide. Everyone keeps trying to keep me here but I just can’t take this mind torment every single day. I don’t even wanna get treatment at this point bc I feel like a sick individual. I don’t wanna live w myself but I have to. I wish I could just start my life all over again or something.

"Pure" OCD

Username: hope

Date posted: 3y ago

trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

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Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and struggling with feelings of isolation.

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