Question(ing)

Please how can an intrusive thought be distinguished from our own thoughts ?

Are intrusive memories a thing? Because I have memories pop up throughout the day, usually regrets or mistakes from when I was younger, but it's almost uncontrollable? It sort of feels like I'm testing myself to see if the memories still make me anxious or something. I can't tell if I'm willingly thinking of them or if they just invite themselves in. They're just always at the front of my thoughts unless I'm really engaged with something else or out and about with other people... I'm trying to treat them like I do with intrusive thoughts, but occasionally, it's like I can't resist NOT ruminating on these past events. I try not to, but then that only makes them more persistent. I'm just curious if anyone's dealt with this or possibly has advice? I'm guessing I'll just have to sit with it. I don't think I've asked about this before, but I might be wrong lol. I forget easily 😭 I'll probably speak with my psychiatrist about this, too, but our next appointment isn't until August. She's not an OCD specialist or haver, so I thought I'd ask here, just in case anyone can help! 🤍

So whenever I'm tired or zoned out, I realize I tend to not process my intrusive thoughts nearly as quickly or as much as I'd like and whenever I get those types of thoughts, they're often accompanied with "pleasurable" feelings which worries me because these are intrusive thoughts! It feels like I genuinely just let the thoughts happen and I enjoyed it, I'm freaking out!