Thesis

I just got my midterm 2 grade back from thermodynamics I got a 12/63. The lowest grade in the class I’m trying my best to stay calm and not want to punish myself. Now I’m laying in bed and I have another midterm next week for statics where I am failing but I did well on the last 2 quizzes so I’m at a 52% also I’ve been going to office hours it’s been helping. I found out today my issue why I fail my exams and quizzes is because I have test anxiety to the point when I sit down I forget everything ( I studied 7 hours a day 5 days before the midterm). I was thinking to prepare for this next midterm to do the opposite not study more then 4 hrs a day ( I study 8 hrs plus a day including hmw) and try to time myself for each question to do the homework and lecture questions and if I don’t get it done in that time look at the answer and come back to it later on ( so I don’t memorize the answer). I have not the best memory so I won’t remember the answer after 10 minutes lol. I’m not trying to beat myself up for failing but I’m trying to find a different approach. Any advice? Also I barely studied 4 hours this morning but a part of me wants to get up and study not because I have to but to beat myself up about failing :(

Ill be honest, I want to write a letter if anything happens, if I loose this battle and put and end to it. But even if my thoughts keep coming, I try to keep my head up, stand up strong and look them at them for what they are, thoughts. I’m still scared, I still can’t go to sleep normally, but I feel a tiny bit of hope. I really hope my feeling is right, I really hope. Whathever happens, I’m still proud of myself, I’m still proud of my achievements, I am proud of me. Whathever happens, please don’t forget This message. Please, don’t forget me

just when I think i’m having a good weekend and I can forget about my struggles my brain tells me i’m not allowed to feel happy and that there’s always SOMETHING i need to be worrying about. so frustrating :(