Thesis

I’m a first year Political Science major and music minor at Oregon State University and am currently finishing up my second term (trimester system). As a PoliSci major doing a Bachelor of Arts, about all of the work I do is writing, and if it isn’t its a group project (which also is probably mostly writing), reading, or multiple choice. But my main point is that when I sit down to start writing I think “Am I doing this right? Is this how the professor wants this done?” In a nutshell this is how it goes but I essentially sit there for hours and think like that and more. I failed a class the first term because of this and it shouldn’t have even been that bad. There were 2 writing assignments per week, one of them is writing about what you find on this website or smth along those lines. The other was write about this news article. This sucked because I was thinking “How do I re summarize something that’s already been summarized?” Both of these had to be between 3-500 words long, EASY. I failed this class and almost another one because of thoughts like this the first term and I went into academic warning Now during the second term I’m currently failing my history class because of thinking like this. It was 2 assignments at the beginning of the term that were notes on a book, and a discussion on a movie. 200 points combined. The midterm I didn’t do too bad, but it was messy and under the word count, but the professor liked it and I got 78% so I’m not that upset about it. The only time I really don’t have these thoughts is when I’m writing about myself (like this) or when writing music. I think it’s because of a more personal attachment and I can criticize myself on it when working on it. But anyways, has anyone else experienced something like this? I should say it definitely goes more in depth than this for me, this is just what’s happened most recently.

I genuinely feel like this terror inside myself, like this is my last day till everything gets horrible… idk suddenly I have this anxiety this “fear of nothing” makes me feel like I’m not gonna make it, that I will never feel okay and that my life is over. I’m scared, I’m always scared

I know that hope will come when I find the right treatment, but I’m just feeling so down and frustrated right now. I can’t keep living like this and I’m worried I’m going to lose all the people I care about if I keep constantly asking for reassurance. Academics has always been so important to me and I’m probably going to fail my law school midterm tomorrow from how little I’ve studied due to obsessing and ruminating all day instead of studying. I’m truly so sad.