New here, new flare up. About 6 years ago, I had a BAD flare up that lasted for 3 years. Depersonalization/derealization, constant panic, all of it. I had no idea what was happening to me at all. I had actually forgotten what OCD was like, so I didn’t even recognize that I was having a “moment.” I was convinced I was going crazy. Even though I wasn’t hallucinating, I convinced myself that I was “in the early stages” and would snap at any moment. I was terrified that I might hurt someone without even realizing it. I developed horrible agoraphobia. First doctor visit, the nurse, when hearing my symptoms, said, “You might be developing schizophrenia. That happens in people your age.” I could have died. I was a twenty-something man who cried in a doctor’s office. That triggered it even worse, for over a year. Another doctor gave me a “future disease” scare, which added to it all. I almost gave up. Then I started Lexapro, which helped some. Fast forward to a few months ago, and it’s all trying to come back. This time, it’s about certain diseases. But now that I know what’s going on, I’m fighting it. Sorry for the long post...

I am not a doctor, so please yake this with a grain of salt, but you might be dealing with what I am dealing with. It's called OCD with psychotic features (or OCD with poor insight). To break it down, people with OCD and high insight can rationalize that what they are experiencing is the brain playing tricks on them. But people like me, with poor insight, can't quite make that rationalization and end up thinking something "beyond" is causing it. Like I feel that either the "universe" or my "higher self" causes weird situations or strange coincidences to specifically cause me severe ditress. But, don't fret, because there are certain things that can help this situation. "Insight therapy" or augmenting an SSRI with an antipsychotic has been very beneficial for these populations. Are you still seeing a psychiatrist and how about a therapist (one who specializes in OCD)? Here is an interesting article: https://www.verywellmind.com/ocd-and-insight-2510632.

Sorry I don’t have anything helpful to add other than that I can relate to the experience you described happening to you 6 years ago. Especially the convinced you’re going crazy and in the “early stages” part. Sorry to hear it’s come back for you :(

@infiniteloop yea man ur brain goes thru phases and sometimes it produces way more anxiety or intrusive thoughts then u would like but eventually it starts to fizzle out. I have the same issue so don’t worry, I’ll be feeling great for like a week or 2 and then out of nowhere it’s like this uncomfortable anxiety hits me. But I always tell myself “hey you were feeling really great last week”, so ik that it always will go away and eventually I’ll be good again. So don’t stress so much and know that it’s normal, plus people without OCD have good and bad days so your really no different. Keep staying positive!

I personally am about to augment my SSRI (fluvoxamine) with an antipsychotic (aripiprazole).

That’s good that you were able to quickly recognize your trigger or your “type” of OCD. Just remember to stay calm and that if the thoughts flare up just acknowledge them and know “it’s just ocd” another thing is if you start to feel doubt or unsure it’s another sign of OCD, so if you’re thinking about checking if somethings wrong with you don’t. Hope this helps man. Best of luck.

Someone liked my comment on this post earlier today which brought me back to re-reading this. How’s it going for you now, 3 weeks on? :)