Has anyone ever had ocd like this?

So my theme has revolved around the fear of having schizophrenia for about a year now, many therapist and mental health professionals told me they believe it’s a mix of ocd and hypochondria. Well my main symptom of this disorder is the fear of having delusions, so over the course of this year I’ve had thoughts ranging from “what if my wife is a demon” “what if this song means something” “what if there’s some hidden message in this movie” “what if the government created the world and controls everything” “what if Satan is the true creator of the world” “why did my cat look at me like that, what if he’s a spy created by the government, what if all animals are?” Literally crazy shit but it all feels so real, I’ve thought about this stuff so much that I’ve started to have almost an emotional detachment from the world around me, I’ll have thoughts like, “why should I care, nothings real anyway”. And now it’s starting to feel like my normal line of thinking, like now I genuinely feel like everything is fake or staged in some way, nothing feels real or genuine, it feels like everyone around me, the media, news, politics, all feels like some sort of big act or lie. Feels like there’s something more to reality that I’m missing or something, everything feels “too perfect”. I’ve lost all happiness in everything and I’ve become SO suspicious of every single thing, everything has to have some deeper meaning according to my brain, it sucks. Has anyone ever had the fear of schizophrenia and it got this bad?

Username: Mollypocket Mollypocket

Date posted: 24w ago

Yes. This is called DPDR or at least it sounds like it. The first wave of it for me, I thought was the onset of schizophrenia but you're aware that the thoughts are abnormal which means you're ok. It's anxiety. Strange existential thoughts are a part of it. I have had it in waves for two years but it does start to dissipate once the stress and anxiety is treated.

Username: anonymous314anonymous314

Date posted: 24w ago

I’ve experienced this theme briefly and I know how deeply scary it can be. What you’re experiencing, not feeling “real” could be dissociation. It is a symptom of heavy anxiety and is also common with existential ocd. I’ve been there, everything feels so apocalyptic and doomed. This one night it literally felt like I was somehow rotating the entire universe in my head (just giving an instance to prove how irrational it can all feel). I’ve had thoughts about developing paranoia to the point I felt paranoid about what if I become paranoid. It was my ocd all along, I hope you’re able to find help and I hope this response is able to help you in any way 🌷

Username: catulpa88catulpa88

Date posted: 24w ago

@anonymous314 My family member is recovering from these existential ocd themes and hers were very similar - she was worried God was no longer in charge and an evil force was controlling everything, that the evil force (or sometimes aliens) was forcing people to like her by torturing them and she was the only one who couldn’t see it. 20 years ago she had a similar OCD attack triggered by the Truman Show movie (everything is a set-up and the joke is on you). Here is the good news. All OCD themes are treated the same way, because they are your brain picking what scares you most. My family member started having these thoughts again after 20 years in April and as of this week she is barely bothered by them. She did a combination of medication and intensive three times a week virtual ERP therapy. It is treatable!

Username: mrselfdestruct1994mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 24w ago

@catulpa88 Was she diagnosed with anything other than ocd? And what meds does she take

Username: catulpa88catulpa88

Date posted: 24w ago

@mrselfdestruct1994 Diagnosed with OCD, but likely also has ADHD. She had taken Lexipro for 20 years after it stopped her last attack (same themes) successfully sans therapy in a couple months. This time she switched to zoloft, along with temporary Adavan and a sleep aid that helps with AM anxiety. She was switched by a psychiatrist because she took Lexipro so long that it was not effective anymore. After 3 weeks of intensive therapy and just a few weeks of Zoloft she is so well she is weening off the adavan and sleep aid!

Username: catulpa88catulpa88

Date posted: 24w ago

@catulpa88 Also, she was very worried she had schizophrenia, but her psychiatrist and therapist explained this is very common in OCD. The difference is you know your thoughts are odd and only worry they may be true vs. a person with schizophrenia thinks with absolute certainty they are true (why they act on them)

Username: mrselfdestruct1994mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 24w ago

@catulpa88 That gives me a lot of hope to hear that someone else has been through the same thing as me and made it through to recovery

Username: mbfaraoni25mbfaraoni25

Date posted: 24w ago

i was in the same boat too. i also have dpdr so that made it awful😭 i was having these thoughts and i was SO scared they were true but i also knew that they weren’t. anxiety and ocd is doing this to you i promise, its very likely that you will NOT develop psychosis or schizophrenia cus people who do have this have no idea that their thoughts or beliefs are not real. you have the ability to reality check so i’d say you’re just fine. solving your anxiety and stress will get rid of these symptoms, it always works for me :)

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 1y ago

schizOCD please help

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely when I’m not as panicked but when I’m in deep rumination/obsession it seriously makes me question what I believe. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all when I’m calm! Yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 47w ago

schizOCD

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure if just being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lost this little bit of insight I have. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Username: mrselfdestru...

Date posted: 47w ago

schizOCD

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

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