My whole life has a hocd filter over it. Its not iust living in the moment anymore, its like i dont live in my world anymore i live in hocd’s world so everything is evolved around hocd. And that i hate because this beautiful life now feels anxious and uncomfortable while i used to love it. And thats purely because the hocd filter is over it and everything becomes hocd themed and its not just life itself anymore. I just want to feel vibes again and feel things with a clear mind so that they can make me love this world again and not make me feel anxious about everything or having to fake the love so i can still feel like myself but deep down i know im Forcing it to myself.

Sexual Orientation OCD

em4706

Date posted: 5y

I understand completely. It’s like you miss the magic moments in life because you’re either worried or fighting off the thoughts. I found that trying to focus on the good and look outside of my head has helped a lot. I also recently tried acupuncture which didn’t reduce the intrusive thoughts, but it did reduce my anxiety and my reaction to the thoughts. I hope this helps and you feel better soon :-)

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Thankyou! I indeed miss those magic moments sk much my whole life consisted out of it and than all of a sudden its gone and replaced wirh anxiety. Im definitely going to try to follow ur advise!

Ah.2

Date posted: 5y

Everything you’ve just said floods through my mind every. Single. Day. I wish I could just go back to the way things were before all this and my mind was clear. I also look back and think how much I took it for granted and how I could have prevented it from happening. HOCD really does take full control over your mind and you examine every little thing your do or day to make see if you are or not. I just want to be free from all this :(

starboiklem

Date posted: 5y

Ah.2 the prevention part is hige for me,My ocd wasn't gradual or random it was always caused by one moment and one mistake i did so always think what if i didn't do that mistake i never would've been in this situation,if there was a way to block the brain from storing memories for atleast 1 hour i would never had ocd crazy to think about

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@annie9 yes your right! I can tell that ur very positive and thats a very good thing. You will make it out of hocd, good luck:)

h.1

Date posted: 5y

I feel the same but with pocd. I used to look forward to everything but now I know that ocd will cast a shadow over it and ruin it. Even times when I’m feeling better than other times there is a weight over me

starboiklem

Date posted: 5y

I feel the same way,i got hocd when 15 and i never enjoyed life fully everything was triggering it was really bad i couldn't fully enjoy anything,like even random things like music would trigger me,if i listened to a song by a girl im gay if i listen to rap im not man enough to listen to that etc. Ironically i would love to go back to that because my new theme is 100 times worse

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Oh damn i feel so sorry for you. I hate that ocd has to ruin our lives in every single way i can think of. It really holds on to the tiniest things . I know ive been there with music, i still dont experience it the same was as before ocd. And also just things thst are suppose to be exciting i feel nothing for. I hope that all this is fixable

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Yes @Ah.2 i 1000% can relate. I litteralt wish j lived my whole life jn the time before hocd. Because then i was alive. Now everything is dull and uncomfortable and anxious. It takes full control and i analyze e v e r y t h i n g. I was going quite good the past days and i felt no anxiety but i do still feel the depression that hocd created for me, i hope the anxiiety feeling stays away because everything is better than feeling anxious 24/7

annie9

Date posted: 5y

Gosh I totally get this... this is random but I keep on thinking “oh I can’t wait till Christmas and to sit in a chair w me tea and my dog” and then I think “oh wait but what if my ocd is not gone by then” and then that made me realize that my goal is to be as close as better by then so recently I have been letting my thoughts all in and telling myself that I just need to let them in and I need to let myself be uncertain about whatever it is I’m thinking bc that is how I’m gonan get over this and get back to the “real world” where I can actually fully enjoy hanging out w my friends and stop pretending like everything is ok. Of course I ahve good and bad days but I think that’s just gonan be part of the process.

Luke_McElwee

Date posted: 19w

Losing my shit, freaking out

Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 13w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 5w

I’m tired

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things… I’ve desired them so much and I’ve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that it’s all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. I’m so tired of being alive. I’m so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. I’m so tired. Cause y’all probably didn’t even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of y’all would’ve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someone’s worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.

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