Cancel culture terrifies me.

I have done lots of bad things in my past and I mean like EXTREMELY unacceptable things from when I was a kid up until 16 (I’m almost 18 right now) My main theme of ocd is moral scrupulosity ocd and ROCD. Most of the time it’s partner focused. (Met my partner when he was 17, he is now 18) When I first met my boyfriend a year and 4 months ago, he used to be really immature for probably the first half of the relationship. He said slurs he shouldn’t say sometimes because he used to play games with people who thought it was okay to say certain things so he picked it up. A few months ago I brought it up to him and had a conversation. He has since stopped saying slurs (apart from one we can both reclaim because we are neurodivergent) he said I made him realise it was wrong and he never really had anyone to tell him that the things he said were wrong in the past years he played video games where people would say extreme stuff. I see people online getting cancelled for slurs and more etc (probably rightly so if the person thinks it’s okay and they are a grown adult who should know better) but even situations where one person said one offensive thing 3+ years ago and never did it again they end up getting cancelled. My ocd gets triggered when I see people being cancelled and people saying “people who do that will never change” “ they deserve to be hated forever” “they don’t deserve forgiveness” I see others in comments saying stuff like “come on they are/were a child/teen, they will learn, they just need educating not cancelling” and people attack them. I believe that my Boyfriend has changed and whenever I speak about people saying slurs they can’t reclaim and how it’s wrong he agrees. I would say he has matured a lot since the start of our relationship. Is it right to think that sometimes cancel culture is stupid and the people who take it to extreme levels are closed minded and refuse to accept the fact that people can change? (Eg. Cancelling someone for something they realised was wrong and stopped) Do people need to be more open minded and forgiving/understand the situation sometimes?

Username: andrewt_andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w ago

Cancel culture is ridiculous. A lot of these people secretly enjoy telling others how terrible of a person they are because it gives them a sense of power and superiority. Yes, it’s important to take accountability for one’s mistakes, but they do not deserve to be bullied for the rest of their lives. Your brain is still developing when you are 16-18. Your impulse control is terrible at that age. And that is based on SCIENCE. Despite your boyfriend’s mistakes, he is still human.

Username: Puddingpigeon Puddingpigeon

Date posted: 20w ago

@xiiiandreww I don’t know if this would relate, but my boyfriend has ADHD and can act on impulse a lot and he used to not be able to manage his anger when he was younger and was also easily influenced by the people he gamed with/friends, so that might of contributed to it

Username: andrewt_andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w ago

@Puddingpigeon ADHD can definitely make someone more likely to act on impulse. And at that age, it’s normal to do things to make you fit in and be like everyone else. We are social creatures after all- we are literally hard-wired to do things that will make us feel like we’re part of the “pack”.

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 20w ago

I’m happy to read that you detect some maturing. I mean this in a positive way like sharing the joy with you! As long as you two are happy, why should you worry what the internet says about him (just my opinion) Reminds me that (I’m 28) I’ve also done some things even in the last few years I’m not proud of, but at that time I simply didn’t know *how* else to do it

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

I completely agree. I think at least half the time, cancel culture is for entertainment and people just want something to be upset about so they want to act as dramatic as possible. Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely times where it’s good like if someone has done like domestic abuse or something like that. If it’s just saying something stupid and the person who said it regrets it; having been explained to that it’s wrong and now has better behavior, I think it’s unneeded to completely take away their platform. If it’s something that can be resolved with a calm conversation, then it should be resolved that way instead of sending death threats and doxxing.

Username: maddstuff76maddstuff76

Date posted: 20w ago

cancel culture most of the time has a genuine start in bringing up the fact that a person did something in their past that you might not know about. the problem is when it gets blown out of proportion after the person has grown, apologized, and its been years since. rehabilitation for racism, bigotry, etc is a very good and necessary thing. as long as your boyfriend is genuinely apologetic about his past actions and doesn’t do them again, thats definitely admirable to be mature. i would definitely say to watch idubbbz video about him saying the n word and how he’s grown since. theres a little bit of people who don’t accept his apology either because they still say it themselves or they can’t understand why he would say it in the first place, but most people accepted his apology because it was genuine. also if he’s not a public figure or not planning on being one, its not reasonable to be stressed about him being cancelled. you need to have a platform to be cancelled effectively. but overall (coming from a young adult) the way that you have seemingly helped him mature in that way is very admirable as well! i know it can be hard to help a loved one out of a bigoted mindset

Username: Puddingpigeon

Date posted: 23w ago

OCD about being a perfect person

I am almost 18 right now and when I was 16 and under I did some horrible things I regret and make me feel like a bad person. I won’t go into detail but stuff people would find weird/hate me for. I am quite popular on social media and I see people getting cancelled so much on TikTok for things I used to do. It scares me. I acknowledge that what I did was bad and don’t do it anymore/havent done it again but the things still haunt me :(. I imagine scenarios of being cancelled and being infamous and everybody hating me. The stuff I did was because I was immature/didn’t really know it was wrong but I still feel like such a shitty person. I really want to be a good person and try to and whenever I try to think “I’m a good person” my ocd cancels it by reminding me of all the stuff I have done and I can’t call myself a good person. It also affects my boyfriend as well and my ocd latches onto him being imperfect. He has done things wrong/ things that have upset me, but my ocd takes this and uses it to show me “he’s a bad person” and we are both “problematic” I’m currently obsessing over it.

Username: Puddingpigeon

Date posted: 21w ago

Moral scrupulosity ocd help

I have done lots of “bad/problematic/immoral” stuff in my past. My ocd latches onto this so badly :( I have a large social media platform and usually get 20k-100k views quite often. The stuff I did in the past was probably “cancel-worthy” stuff. I have the constant urge + scenarios in my head to make a video “confessing” that I’m a bad person and I deserve to be cancelled although I realised the stuff I did in the past was bad and I don’t do them anymore. The things could range from months ago to stuff when I was a child. Seeing famous people get cancelled is triggering for me and if I see someone being cancelled for something I’ve done in my past I get so scared and anxious and start searching and ruminating. I have a constant feeling of guilt that I’ll never be perfect or be able to call myself a “good person” My ocd also focuses on my partner. He used to say Offensive jokes and more but I made him aware and he realised and stopped. He still makes occasional jokes nowhere near as bad as he used to but when he makes a joke my brain is suddenly like “oh no what if people think that joke is problematic” and because I saw like one person on TikTok be offended by something similar, I feel the need to immediately tell my boyfriend that he shouldn’t say the joke and it makes him frustrated because it’s almost every day my ocd is nitpicking for anything slightly “bad”. He means no harm with the jokes and doesn’t make the same ones he used to as he matured more and realised they were weird but my ocd wants him to be an absolutely perfect person with perfect morals whatever and he isnt allowed to do anything even slightly bad or he’s an awful person. And same for me, I need to be perfect. Anyone else relate? And does this sound like moral scrupulosity ocd?

Username: Stormyskies

Date posted: 21w ago

Cancel Culture

I feel like cancel culture is the enemy of OCD. It goes against everything so many of us have difficulty accepting- forgiveness, self-improvement, and feeling like a morally good person. Does anybody else get severely triggered by people being “cancelled” over small things and thinking: “That could be me someday”

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Cancel culture terrifies me.

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