alliesdirt
- Date posted
- 46w
ocd will kill me
i'm going to lose my life one day to this illness i never asked for. it could've been beautiful.
8202382023
- Date posted
- 46w
I’m so so sorry you are feeling like this. I have felt like this many times, I’m currently struggling with an pocd episode right now. Things will get better I myself might be struggling but I am getting better slowly with dealing with it and you will too! 🩷
alliesdirtalliesdirt
- Date posted
- 45w
@82023 thank you so much. i'm so glad you're getting better 💗
NODANODA
- Date posted
- 46w
Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I have often felt like that in my 38 years of living with ocd. It just felt there is no way I could stay alive with it ruining every aspect of my life and destroying me. Life on Earth in general is quite unfriendly, unkind, aggressive and cruel. People make it so. But apart from that life can be very beautiful and is beautiful. Nature and even some human contributions like art, architecture, music,... It is as beautiful as we are willing to see it. Depends on what we focus. At least when ocd allowes it. Life does get better even for us with ocd. For me, meds are giving me my life back. After over a year on max dose I am not cured, but I am stronger than my ocd. Just a year ago ocd completely devoured me. I was alive but wasn't living. I could hardly say I was a person. ERP helps some people. Sadly not me. Meds help others. Both help those lucky ones. Whatever and however just try and keep trying till sth works for you. But it takes time, effort and patience. Especially with meds. Over a year for true results. I have no idea if anyone has ever been completely cured. I don't think I ever will be ocd free. But, like you said, none of us has ever asked for ocd, it is not our fault and it is not us. It is just a part of us. As long as we somehow accept it, observe it, without judging ourselves or ocd, and learn from it, we should be able to keep it just an annoying part of us and not the boss of us. I hate myself at times for giving in to compulsions still. But I guess that is who I am. The more I fight it, the stronger ocd gets. The thing I mostly hate about it is that makes it impossible for me to develop a meaningful friendship. I am always too cautious and don't let people in. But that is me. Lonely, terribly lonely, although I am married, but no friends. I guess I have to accept that too. I wish you all the luck and success with dealing with ocd. It will get better. 🤗
alliesdirtalliesdirt
- Date posted
- 45w
@NODA thank you so much. 💗
alliesdirtalliesdirt
- Date posted
- 45w
@NODA i really needed to hear this. thank you
NODANODA
- Date posted
- 45w
@alliesdirt I am happy I could make you feel at least a bit better. You are always welcome. How are you feeling today? Believe me, your life is not over and it will never be over due to ocd. Even when we feel hopeless, exhausted, lost, we somehow manage to survive. Not only that we survive, but with a bit of work and focus on ourselves, life can be beautiful even with ocd. Stay strong. Smile as much as possible. Big hug.
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anxiousashhh
- Date posted
- 23w
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lalalalal166373
- Date posted
- 20w
what if it’s not ocd
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frannyb
- Date posted
- 19w
I can't do this anymore
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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