- Date posted
- 36w ago
ocd will kill me
i'm going to lose my life one day to this illness i never asked for. it could've been beautiful.
i'm going to lose my life one day to this illness i never asked for. it could've been beautiful.
I’m so so sorry you are feeling like this. I have felt like this many times, I’m currently struggling with an pocd episode right now. Things will get better I myself might be struggling but I am getting better slowly with dealing with it and you will too! 🩷
@82023 thank you so much. i'm so glad you're getting better 💗
Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I have often felt like that in my 38 years of living with ocd. It just felt there is no way I could stay alive with it ruining every aspect of my life and destroying me. Life on Earth in general is quite unfriendly, unkind, aggressive and cruel. People make it so. But apart from that life can be very beautiful and is beautiful. Nature and even some human contributions like art, architecture, music,... It is as beautiful as we are willing to see it. Depends on what we focus. At least when ocd allowes it. Life does get better even for us with ocd. For me, meds are giving me my life back. After over a year on max dose I am not cured, but I am stronger than my ocd. Just a year ago ocd completely devoured me. I was alive but wasn't living. I could hardly say I was a person. ERP helps some people. Sadly not me. Meds help others. Both help those lucky ones. Whatever and however just try and keep trying till sth works for you. But it takes time, effort and patience. Especially with meds. Over a year for true results. I have no idea if anyone has ever been completely cured. I don't think I ever will be ocd free. But, like you said, none of us has ever asked for ocd, it is not our fault and it is not us. It is just a part of us. As long as we somehow accept it, observe it, without judging ourselves or ocd, and learn from it, we should be able to keep it just an annoying part of us and not the boss of us. I hate myself at times for giving in to compulsions still. But I guess that is who I am. The more I fight it, the stronger ocd gets. The thing I mostly hate about it is that makes it impossible for me to develop a meaningful friendship. I am always too cautious and don't let people in. But that is me. Lonely, terribly lonely, although I am married, but no friends. I guess I have to accept that too. I wish you all the luck and success with dealing with ocd. It will get better. 🤗
@NODA thank you so much. 💗
@NODA i really needed to hear this. thank you
@alliesdirt I am happy I could make you feel at least a bit better. You are always welcome. How are you feeling today? Believe me, your life is not over and it will never be over due to ocd. Even when we feel hopeless, exhausted, lost, we somehow manage to survive. Not only that we survive, but with a bit of work and focus on ourselves, life can be beautiful even with ocd. Stay strong. Smile as much as possible. Big hug.
I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.
so i was on instagram and it came up with other signs of ocd then someone commented this doesn’t mean you have ocd now im stressed that its not ocd background - i had so-ocd for a few years then got treatment for it but am now on the waiting list for further treatment for other stuff but i dont have another theme which makes me feel like its not ocd my day to day life consists of touching the door handle every time you go past it or someone will die, and inability to send emails without re reading loads of times and getting other people to check because im scared i wrote something bad but the what if it’s not ocd thought is triggering me now and i don’t know what do
17f Just like the title says. I came to realization that I lost a whole year of life. I remembered my real event in the end of january of 2024. Since then my life has been a living hell. Also kinda made a couple new smaller events through this year. And I know I deserve it cause my event was actually bad. Even people without ocd on reddit agree it was bad. It's still ocd, but I deserve it probably. For this whole year I haven't had a day when I wouldn't think of it. It became my default state to constantly have it on my mind. I walked around, pretended to have fun, talked to people. Most of the time I wasn't really there, I was thinking about my event. My event haunts me when I'm awake, when I'm asleep. I spend this whole year either freaking out, being depressed, thinking on methods to off myself, ruminating, seeking reassurance or trying to distract myself with books, TV shows, social media or daydreaming. Literally barely engaged with reality. So it's so hard to believe a whole year passed... I can barely remember anything that happened during this year. I can't believe this is my life. Probably doesn't really matter cause I don't plan on staying there that long. There is no way I'm going to experience piece with myself. So I will be out in a year or so, since my plan requires some time. Finally will end it all. It just feels very weird. A whole year passed. I was so deep down in my head I didn't even notice. It's scary.
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