POCD and porn

So everytime I have a relapse and look for adult content I only strictly look for adults that are involved. Usually fictional ones because that way no harm is possibly done to real people but sometimes I don't get triggered by real adult models as long as I'm aware of their age. Unfortunately, I still come across really disturbing things whether I click on channels to find more content of the same person or other adults and it'll have disturbing content with people I think are underaged. Sometimes it's content of characters that I know are minors but people age them up and that disturbs me the most. I don't get why people do this and I find it disgusting. I never click on these videos because they're disturbing to me and I only go for adults that are simply adults. I hate that this stuff shows up and it triggers my POCD and then I think something bad is gonna happen because I scrolled past those videos even though I didn't want to see them in the first place. I've been trying to stop watching all of this stuff for years and I'm still struggling with it. Content with younger people is the absolute last thing I'd ever want to see and I hate that people make stuff like that and it just stays on websites somehow

I’m having a hard time tonight. I’m 24 and I was just talking to a friend about a tiktoker and I mentioned that I thought she was pretty hot. They said they don’t think she is attractive because she looks like a teenager. I never thought about that before and now I’m freaking out because maybe she is a teen, and even if she isn’t, I’m grossed out by the fact that I could think that if she is perceived to be so young. I can’t find her age anywhere and it’s worrying me. I know I probably shouldn’t be looking for it, but I feel like such a huge creep and I feel like I need to know. I’m just feeling a lot of distress and I could use some advice/encouragement/kind words from someone who’s dealt with something similar. I feel like I HAVE to find out her age to make sure she isn’t a minor. But I’m afraid she is. And even if she isn’t, my friend thinks she looks like one so I’m gross regardless. Idk why I never had any second thoughts about this til now. Fuck :(

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.