Going through a spike

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

How am I supposed to know if it's OCD or a problem I can fix? I'm having anxiety at times I feel like I should be most relaxed (example: while having a fun time with my bf) I feel really upset by this anxiety and can't find a root cause or any way to fix it. My relationship is everything I've ever wanted and I love my boyfriend very much. We both have the same goals in life and we share some unusual hobbies. I didn't believe in "soulmates," but I really think I've found mine. Idk if I have rocd, anxious/ avoidant attachment, or if there's a problem I can't recognize, but It's an obsession for sure. I plan to use nocd for therapy soon, but can anyone offer advice about this? I know a lot of people still here aren't in a good headspace, but I'd love to hear if anyone's gotten through this and how.

I believe I (currently) am experiencing ROCD. Growing up as a child, I was always double checking the door was locked, wouldn’t walk on cracks, had to count to step. I eventually grew out of it. But I feel it has grown into ROCD. I currently have a year long relationship with a person I love and has treated me very well. I have plans to move in with him and I went job seeking at his house (we are long distance) last weekend. I had anxiety the entire time. I kept telling myself, I’m scared, what if this doesn’t work, what if this is telling me to break free of the relationship, what if I’m not attracted to him, and I was avoidant because I was so scared to feel the anxiety around/with him and question it all again. Once the anxiety would settle I would cry to him about it and tell him I’m just scared and everything is caving in. But is this normal in ROCD? I found myself googling everything the weeks leading up to me going. I once told him to give me space (he is very affectionate and I am not) and very selfless when it comes to calls/texts. PLUS - long distance adds to that. With everything, I started googling it all nonstop for days and feared we aren’t meant for each other. Now when he calls I feel anxious because I don’t want to feel that “trapped” feeling of not having space again and I googled how to find common and reasonable communication with long distance. UGH just everything is scaring me and I fear my obsessiveness over it is making it worse.