Sudden, awful urges

The harm thoughts about my dog have gotten very very bad tonight, and it picked a new theme. I’m INTENSELY afraid of the kitchen range and have this horrible urge feeling that I will put her on it. It keeps coming into my head every few seconds. I try to relax and it’s like “you’ll do this” feeling with that image. Or the “you have to do this”. I’m extra scared because I feel numb to her and I feel like I have to keep reminding myself why I wouldn’t do something so horrible. Has anyone else been here??? My body has this awful anxiety urge feeling and my legs are shaking, head feels weird, etc. I hate this. It feels like I would be okay with doing something so horrible. And when the thought plays out in my head it’s like my brain runs away with it. Please tell me I’m not alone. Is this normal? Should I send my dog somewhere else till this passes??? I tell myself you wouldn’t do that but it feels like a lie.

Patrick H

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w

I don’t want to reassure you because I think the fact you’re worrying means you don’t want to do it anyway. But I will say this: I have felt the way you have, I never did it and I no longer think about it. Take a moment, recognise you are frightened, that you are compulsing because of that (looking for reassurance, avoiding) and give your dog a hug.

Ellasmama

Date posted: 49w

@Patrick H That’s good to know. I appreciate that. I just get scared because it’s a constant, almost burning, nervous urge-y feeling and it’s like I can’t stop thinking about it. And I try to let my brain kind of reset/relax and it jumps right to that. That I would or have to do it. I hate it. I love my dog but I feel like I don’t.

N..

Date posted: 49w

@Ellasmama Hi! I'm going through the exact same thing with the constant urge like feeling. As though I'll be compelled to do it any moment. I've also had that loss of feeling! It tends to happen with hyperfixation and depression. I've been getting it on and off for 2 years now with the stress of med school. My psychiatrist and therapist both let me know it's just an ocd symptom and to treat it as such. Although it's easier said than done. Hang in there!

Ellasmama

Date posted: 49w

@N.. Hi! My gosh I’m so sorry. I hate this. It almost feels like a burning desire in my body that it wants to do this and I don’t have my normal emotions there to tell me i don’t want to. I’m shaking, I have these horrible sensations in my head and body….My dog has been my entire world. Now I’m like numb to the thought of harming her. I hate this. I hate this so much. I’m really thinking of giving her to someone who she’s safe with.

Patrick H

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w

@Ellasmama I would recommend looking up something called “thought action fusion” and talking to your therapist about it. Our thoughts do not always lead to action (try thinking that $1million dollars will appear in your bank account) and our actions are not always preceded by thoughts. Folks with OCD often confuse the two and when this happens, it “feels” like we’re going to take action when we’re really just experiencing a thought. We can often control our actions, but we can never really control our thoughts. A few months back I was convinced I would throw myself off the top of a bridge if I had to walk across it. Through ERP, I was able to note the thought action fusion as I stepped on to a very high bridge (it felt like I was about to jump), walk to the side of the bridge, look over the edge, stand there until I recognised that this was a thought, with some horrible images, but not an action I wanted to do which is why I was frightened. I stood there for maybe 10 minutes and allowed myself to think all of the horrible images, to the point I got bored! Stick with this - your doggy needs you!

phobic

Date posted: 49w

Ur not alone at all.. it’s scary feeling like ur actually gonna do it and get the thoughts about it while feeling like ur gonna do it .. but the amount of times we’ve had these thoughts we would’ve done it by now if we were such a bad person I’m sure we wouldn’t be putting our thoughts and “plots” on social media .. I never feel closure with harm ocd but sad to say I feel more closure with POCD .. I know it sounds bad but I hate feeling like I’m gonna hurt someone I love .. it scares me so much and it starts to feel like I’m gonna lose control I hate it .. I’ve felt numb to to the point it started making me feel like I didn’t love the person .. but as soon as I got my POCD.. my harm ocd went away .. I felt love and everything I was good … then my harm ocd comes back and it’s such a bad feeling like I feel like I’m gonna lose control of my hands

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Aquario

Date posted: 22w

this is likely reassurance seeking but-

my panic attacks have been getting worse when the thought of harming someone comes up and today, it reached a high point, i was in the kitchen with my mom, trying to get over my fears of being near and just eat, but when my dog came in and heard me eating and walked in, i got triggered and thought i was one second away from hurting him or mom so i left the kitchen but before i could, i grabbed the scissors and panicked, and tried to get my mom for help but she was occupied, then i was trying to focus enough to put down the scissors but i couldnt and went into panic mode, i couldnt think, i couldnt focus, i slowly inched the scissors towards my mom thinking i might actually stab her in my stressed and panicked statem slowly inching the scissors towards her and scared, then she saw me, simply looked at me and said "what are you gonna do huh?" like she wasnt afraid, and that was enough to snap me out of it and put down the scissors, then i walked back to my room and here i am, trying not to call myself a monster but cant help but keep looking back at that moment, cause i really really felt like i could have...

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 22w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

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Sudden, awful urges

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