Am I experiencing SO-OCD or could this mean I'm actually questioning my sexuality?

Aw thanks for responding to my long post haha. I'm glad that you understand tho, I hope things don't get too tough for you. And thanks for understanding again, it can sure be so tough and confusing you know? Idk about you but it makes me feel like I lost a bit of my identity? It sounds silly but like it's complicated. And yes the ROCD is such a tough thing to deal with UGH. And same here a bit, I didn't add it to the post but I've dealt with some (trigger warning) sa related stuff so it just makes things complicated you know? I just wish OCD can chill out haha. May I ask tho, how do you deal with the thoughts when it makes you second guess? Like is there something you say to yourself or you just let it pass through? If you're not comfortable asking, it's okay !

@mint_moonlight Ofc!! It is super tough and confusing. I also feel like I have lost a lot of my identity, sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I dont recognize myself. Having ROCD & SO-OCD together is literally the most common thing, but it doesn't make it any less torturous🥲 I completely get you, (TW: Childhood SA) I also have a trauma history with sa and abuse. I feel like that contributes a lot to my sexuality issues, because of the PTSD I don't really want to be touched. I dont crave closeness the same as I see others do, so it adds on to the "but maybe its because I'm with a man" " I wouldnt be feeling like this if was with a woman" blah blah blah lol And I've been in ERP, so how I react to the thoughts is that I try to not give them attention. It's really hard. I also trying resist my compulsions, as per my therapist. Because sadly the more you believe them, feed them, question them, argue them the stronger and worse OCD gets! Ugh it's sucks lol

@Ravenna!333 OMG SAME, your middle part of your response, I too also don't really like being touched or idk that closeness I understand what you mean. And my bf likes to express his love on that way. For example we'll be cuddling or just with each other and then after a few minutes go by I get this like, " I need to move away" feeling or idk like I just need to do something. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say haha. But yeah I totally get that, it's hard too begause sometimes if we're shopping or just doing whatever he'll like put his hand on my lap or on my back and I'll be fine but then I'm like okay, I had enough haha. So it's definitely tough and hard. So I get what you mean by that. But I have those same thoughts too as like "oh maybe cause I'm with a guy. Etc." And then it goes in a spiral as well. Also I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, when I came to that term because that's how I felt. I never got anxiety from it or anything, it felt right. Like I searched up "I don't crave s*x etc" and when I saw the term I was like yay lmfao. But when it comes to this subject of SO-OCD it's just stressful and overthinking and so on you know. And of course I've thought the same as you said with the whole maybe cause I'm with so and so. You know? Anyways thank you so much for responding! I really hope you take it easy when days are hard. I really appreciate you responding and taking the time to read and listen! Take care!

@mint_moonlight Also I hope I didn't offend you haha, I meant like I relate not that I was praising you for going through a tough time with sa stuff. I was expressing I felt relieved someone knew what it's like in terms of like understanding. So I hope you didn't take it in a bad way. But I get it, that's why I also think I have a hard time with my stuff recently, especially with all these shows and movies coming out with that specific subject, it's been a mess this year trying to cope with things. But like I said I hope you take it easy and enjoy the good days you have!

@mint_moonlight Aw no I didn't take offense at all! I feel similarly knowing there's someone out there who is struggling with the same thing. It sucks but it also helps me to not feel so alone and so alien lol something that helped me was watching this Bi youtuber and he said something like "the label you choose should feel like it fits you, it shouldn't feel like you have to fit yourself to the label" and that has helped a lot, to me bi feels natural. Similar to how asexual may have felt for you. So no pressure, try not to feed the thoughts, label them as OCD and try to carry on with your life. You dont need to bave it figured out right now! And my therapist said that by feeding the ocd less and less we usually invite more clarity. Wishing you the best 🖤

@LV4523 i do want to add onto this that it’s okay to accept these thoughts, it doesn’t mean they are true. thoughts are simply thoughts, just as feelings are simply feelings. it doesn’t mean you have to act on anything at all, by accepting that you’re thinking this way.

I have a question, I forgot to add it on to my post. Or if you have maybe an opinion? Idk if this is also a ocd thing, but everytime I get into a lil argument with my bf over something petty or small or our little hangry moments haha. Or idk if he's just being annoying lmfaooo. Like for example if we had a lil argument and I was upset he didn't listen to what I said or forgot something. Just basic silly misunderstandings or whatever. I feel like my thoughts start resorting to "well a woman wouldn't forget or listen or remember things etc". Like, "if I was with a woman they would've acted differently etc". But idk why that happens all the time now. It worries me because it feels like the denial is real i guess?? But not even that long ago, like 2 months ago, I was thinking well idk let's say for example lmfao, "Tom Holland would probably listen or my fictional anime guys would've done that differently". Almost like comparing I guess??? So idk how I went from guys to now thinking how a girl would've reacted better??? I know it sounds like I'm toxic but I swear I'm not, it just like I can't explain it. But it does bother me cause I don't wanna be thinking that but my brain just always has to fixate on things. It's like when things get heat in the moment it just goes to that, well woman now but prior it was guys. I've talked to him about this too but he just thinks it's whatever, or I'm just overthinking it. It's all just very complicated right now. I'm trying to get a therapist tho on here very soon! Because I would like to talk to one again!

@mint_moonlight Yes! Lol I've had those thoughts too! I told.my therapist about them and she just said its another ocd trick. Gender doesn't really determine whether someone is better or not. There are crappy out there AND crappy women. That kind of black and white thinking is classic ocd. So try not to feed into it too much.

@mint_moonlight I’ve also had the same thoughts! I think because stereotypically women are better listeners and more “emotional” (again very stereotypically) so whenever I’m wanting my boyfriend to listen or be more emotional my brain does the exact same thing. I struggle sometimes too when we are making out (tmi lol) and his beard is stubbly and it hurts my chin. My brain will be like “well a girl doesn’t have facial hair and that wouldn’t hurt) and then immediately feel anxious and just annoyed by the thought. You aren’t alone girly!! ❤️

@LV4523 Haha omg I can't believe you guys have the same thoughts as well😂 not laughing at you or anything it's just so funny how our brains work haha. But I get it tho, like it just be resorting to that, even over silly things too like how you mentioned the beard. Mine will be over like idk if he gets a paper cut or idk bumps his knee onto something he'll be like a baby about it. And then I'll start thinking well a women wouldn't complain like that. Etc 🤣 But I'm glad I'm not alone on this, it feels nice knowing I'm not the only one who's had these thoughts as well. Thank you so much for replying to me, it means a lot and that you also took the time to read all of my rants haha. I hope you take it easy as well, ocd is tough but we're stronger !

Um growing up my family been supportive of everything so that was like never a issue and I support the lgbt community as well. I never cared about other people if they wanted to date the same sex and so on. Been chill like that as long as I can remember as a kid. But I will say I use to dress a lil more tom boyish in middle school ( you know tryna fit in) I use to wear a button up with a tie because I was a firm believer as a kid that we can wear whatever we want as girls haha. So I use to wear stuff like that, I still would but I get lazy now haha. But to get back to the point, I think I remember some people pointing out they thought I was and such because of how I dressed. But it was wrong caused I literally would fangirl over guys in shows and my crush I had for years lmfao back in the day was a guy. So I'd get a annoyed people did assume, but like I said I was like whatever at the end of the day. And I guess also in middle school, I made a post about this like a weekish ago. But I use to look up n*de woman when I was like 12, 13, cause I was always just curious of how they looked at stuff like idk also cause I wanted certain size stuff. Just stupid stuff but I qas so curious and looked them up all the time but never developed like crushes I don't think. I did think I had a omg moment when I saw this anime girl back in middle school, ans let me say lmfaooooooo I shouldn't have been watching that as a kid haha. But it did make me question likw oh she's so pretty etc, nice figure and everything. But at the end of the day I had the crush on the male lead in the show. So I still can't figure out if it was like a awakening? Or just me being a curious young kid. But in High school I never like cared that much, like it was only guys I liked and looked at tbh. And I had friends of all types of different preferences and such. Even had a trans, some bi, gay. And I feel like during that time it would make me rethink a bit since in my school everything was opened, no shaming. Like we had pride days at school and so on. So everyone was happy being able to be free. But like I said, I feel like maybe that would've cause some type of spark but no. But I mean just like last month-ish, I was literally fangirling over this anime guy like hardcore lmfal. You know? And then now I'm struggling with this? So it's annoying. Sorry for such the long response haha idk if I even answered your questions 😂 Just got a lot on my mind