Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

Please reply - urgent

My symptoms have been getting worse the last few days and it flat out feels now like I’ve become this person and want to cause harm to my loved ones. Like I’m just resisting it. My brain is giving me sensations like I like that and makes me sad at the same time. I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or what or if this is what I want. When this started I knew I never wanted to hurt anyone and these thoughts were intrusive. Now they feel like they’ve become me. Please help.

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

As for my dog the thoughts/feelings are really bad. I lived in fear of my dog dying and now it feels like I want her to. Please help me. Should I relocate her?

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

Just remember, it’s not you. You have to talk your ocd therapist about this . I had those same feelings , you have to face them . However I am not a therapist so I can say what I did . Which is I kept myself around anyone I had those thoughts about . For me it gave a message to my ocd that I’m willing to be around everyone and sit with that discomfort. But again speak to your therapist

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous Thank you. I have never had any desire to hurt her. Now it feels like I do and that’s what’s scaring me. So much. I keep getting these waves and when I think of it my brain tells me I like it even though I know I don’t. It feels like I’m flat up resisting doing harm to my pet and I have no feelings. Did you deal with this too?

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama Like I say to myself “just ignore it, you don’t want that” and I get this weird feeling through my chest that I do.

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama I personally get headaches and have nervous sensations. But at times when I have those ocd thoughts with no sensations I get my self worked up again with headaches and anxiety. In my experience ocd will do its best to get your attention even if it’s giving you the thought and then having no sensation. I know for me a big fear is to not have sensations because that must mean I am bad and I do want to really act on this . I respond with “ maybe I do want to do xyz may I don’t” . To really get my ocd going I could even say yes that xyz thing is exactly what I want to do . But I will repeat if you have not spoke with your therapist please do because they will work on specific responses for you to say or not to. say to your ocd . When I say “ not say” sometimes I will just not respond to the thought and sit with the thoughts and sensations that comes with saying nothing . For me and what I am learning about ocd is understanding discomfort is not danger but you want to sit with that discomfort

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama I personally would not ignore it but either respond to it with may or maybe not or I would just look at the thought and see what else it wants to say . Because and the end we are or worried about ocd and what it has to say .

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous I meant to say we are not worried about what OCD has to say . Also join some support groups on this app, they are helpful

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous I will. Thank you for all of this. I’m just so scared. It doesn’t feel like I don’t want it and the crap and the feelings keep popping into head my which means to me that I do. I keep getting this awful feeling everytime I get close to her that feels like do. I hate it.

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama And every time I got these in the past I’d think of losing her and get so upset I knew it wasn’t real. I used it as a checking mechanism. Now it’s not working because it took those feelings away.

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama So I know that people like myself with ocd should stay away from reassurance but I would say if you are typing this stuff you are pretty bothered by it . Even if I was not bothered it’s good for me to keep on with my day . I have Daughter too and will keep on hugging her , kissing her taking her to the park and whatever else I do to enjoy her . This tells my ocd I don’t care

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous Did you ever feel this way about your daughter?? How did you keep being her parent?

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama Yes and it is scary as heck! But I have been working on agreeing with the thoughts not fighting the thoughts . As I agree with the thoughts I will still be with her and parenting . At the End of the day I can havr any thought which I can not control , what I can always control is my actions .

Ellasmama

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous I’m so scared I get these waves of feeling like I’ll just do it or can’t control it. Or that I want to. It’s so horrible. How did you get through being with your daughter that way?

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 48w

@Ellasmama Very tough !! The best thing was being diagnosed with ocd . Before that I was like wtf ! Those feelings are a clear indication that you don’t want to do what ever ocd is telling you . Then I might have no feeling and have the thoughts . It goes back and forth . Again I’m no psychiatrist or therapist but the things you are saying sound like what I felt and feel as well

lu22

Date posted: 24w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Can someone reply, felt bad for days don’t know

I can’t feel happy I can’t forget how these thoughts felt and I’m actually believing I’m bad, I imagined my intrusive thoughts about stabbing on purpose it felt like I know how it feels to do that physical action and I like how it feels and then I got this feeling like I was suddenly really happy or excited about it like I discovered why evil people get a thrill out of doing evil things and it’s sticking with me I can’t forget about it or argue with it or get rid of it normally I can find reasons to know it’s not true and forget about it but this time it felt like the feeling actually came from me as if I genuinely felt happy and thought it would be enjoyable or pleasurable/appealing to do that evil thing it doesn’t feel ego dystonic i feel abnormal like im pretending to be normal I don’t even have much anxiety I just hate my life im having this i don’t know what to do unless I can find a reason to move on and think no that wasn’t real then I can’t move on everytime I rember how it felt or that feeling of being happy it feels like oh my god like I can the saved or helped please I need a solution. If it’s true that I actually felt like that horrible thing could be enjoyable can I be helped? No I can’t that means I’m bad and now I can’t be helped and have to be in a mental home because I swear it felt like it was me who felt happy not a fake feeling and I’m jsut fighting against it because I wasn’t always evil but I swear it feels like I actually liked it and it appealed to me I don’t know how to deal with this

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

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