@Ocdsucks56 My pleasure. I’m so sorry you’re OCD is making you feel that way. Freaking OCD takes good people and makes them constantly doubt themselves and then you start feeling like you’re some other person. But just know that it’s a lie. We more we feed OCD, it more it comes back. And I have no doubt you’re trying your hardest right now, just to stay afloat while you’re swimming in the dark sea that is OCD. If I may, I have a few suggestions that have helped me during moments like yours. Times when I feel like my old self is no longer there. It won’t be easy, but I know you’re capable of challenging your OCD and taking back your old self, the self that still exists and always will exist. The old self that is fighting this OCD, this monster that is nothing more than just an obnoxious, loud, annoying bully who’s just throwing stuff at you to get your attention. You’re a good person, truly. And if you can’t believe that yourself right now, try and list out all the positive things you’ve done for yourself and for others these past few years. Doesn’t matter how small it is, anything to help you during this extremely tough period in your life. And if you’re unable to do that, it’s ok. I’ve been there too. I know what it’s like to have OCD to sap any positivity from your mind, or any strength in your body. So if that’s too much, maybe ask a family member or friend to list of things they like about you.
Another suggestion would be to create a gratitude journal. Sounds easy but as you know, very little is easy with OCD unfortunately. But if you have the strength within you, just write even one thing you’re grateful for. Focus on that thing you just wrote and let it wash over you. Again, it can be as simple as, “I’m glad I can eat delicious foods” The point of all this is to retrain your mind. Right now it’s in an incredibly negative place and OCD is just running rampant, so every time you have an OCD thought, either write it down, say it out loud and hopefully you’ll realize how silly those thoughts really are. Because they are just thoughts. I have a brother who has WAY worse intrusive thoughts than me but he’s a great guy that loves people deeply and he knows it’s just a dumb, silly thought that doesn’t reflect his values in any way.
I hope things improve for you. I truly do. If all else fails, turn to a therapist or doctor for professional help. They are very much equipped to handle anything your mind is dealing with. Recently my therapist suggested doing ICBT or Inference based cognitive behavioural therapy. Give it a google search and see what you think about it. So far it’s been helping me with my affliction. I wish you good health and peace of mind as you challenge your OCD. It won’t be easy but it’s worth the struggle. And I know you can do it! I hope I’ve helped in some small way. Everyone on this app is rooting for you in your quest to overcome your OCD. Be kind to yourself during this very, very difficult time in your life.
