Feeling lost and disconnected from my sense of self and faith in God.

I don’t even know the wrong from the the right anymore I don’t even know how to talk to people without thinking that I offended them or spoke to them in a bad way I don’t even know what i became I don’t want what I became i just cry looking at my hands I cry looking at myself i feel pathetic I feel so desperate I was never this weak and now look at me not being able to control my own behaviors. What happened to the girl who always laughed and cared so much about herself the girl who loved nail polish and was so close to god in away no one imagined what happened to the girl who used to take full grades and be the smartest what happened to me. Isn’t it sad looking at myself with pity, helpless and full of doubt! I don’t deserve this. I know what’s I’m gonna say know sounds selfish but i do compare myself to others I wasn’t as bad as them so why me and not them! Why me !!... I’m loosing my mind I’m getting angry when I’m left alone I’m giving ocd the keys for the prison it made for me I’m letting it control me not that I want to but im not fighting back. Now im with no friends, with a family that doesn’t understand ocd, and a corrupted society that doesn’t value mental health. I’m so sad i feel like a baby rn but im actually so sad and lonely im conditioned now to believe that no one wants me, that im just a burden and need to be silent, not important and useless.... Idk even know what to say anymore

I feel like no one knows the real me, I dont even know the real me anymore. OCD has been my identity for so long I always wonder who the f would I be without it. My thoughts and opinions change so rapidly I dont know if their my own anymore. My moods and emotions are so up and down I'm wondering what's the real way that I feel. Have I just been lying all my life.

It has been a hard night. I feel like my whole life I have been wanting people to like me and I’m doing that I lost myself. Especially with ocd and getting into a depression I lost interest in any and everything. For the past week it has kicked me back to that place. I feel boring, unoriginal, I fell like I don’t have anything special about me, if I ask someone they would say I’m nice. I’m over weight so I’ve never bough clothes I really like, I don’t have money to spend on things like art or decor. So I feel bland. I have never had a boyfriend and people look at me like I’m crazy. So basically people see me as an innocent person who has nothing special. I work, I go to school, and I’ve never been obsessed over a music artist or anything. So if people ask me my favorite band or movie I have no idea. I also fear that the moment that I do find myself that my ocd ideas will become real and they were just trapped Inside. Idk who I am. I just kept typing so it may not make sense.