Really freaking out please read

Hi everyone. Please read this and help me if you can. I’ve posted on here a lot. I’ve been going through therapy and (I’m the girl with the dog, btw) and I got diagnosed with Harm OCD three months ago. It’s getting really fucking bad even with therapy and I don’t know what to do, or maybe it’s not that anymore? My brain feels confused all the time and I can’t tell what my intent is anymore. My main compulsion with my dog was checking. Get a horrible thought, check to make sure that I wanted her here still. The thought of her dying always upset me terribly, so I knew that they were just intrusive thoughts. No intent, no plan. I used those as my checking mechanism for so long. Then, the last few days, I think of her dying and I get a feeling like I like it. Like I want her to be gone. If I hide knives and everything, my brain throws me a thought of something else. All day, I have this horrible feeling like I actually want to do it, a jittery, nervous, on edge feeling. Like I have more anxiety from not doing it than doing it. And am just holding myself back. If I say to myself “you have no plan” I get my brain racing like it’s making one or I’m making one, and If I say to myself “there’s no intent” it gives me a feeling of purposely doing that to her. If I tell myself “you love her and you want her alive” it gives me this wave of doubt through my chest that I actually don’t. This goes on ALL day and night. Everything becomes a thought or feeling of hurting her. I sit with her and sometimes get these impulses of “just do it it’s easy”. Almost unbearable and I’ve felt so close to acting on it. I don’t think I care about her anymore. I literally feel like I don’t. She was the most important thing; my value, my whole world. I never wanted her to die. That’s another thing - if I say the word die, I feel like I’m fantasizing about it. It’s a feeling I can’t explain. I hate this. I’m so sure I will act on these thoughts. Aren’t people with harm ocd afraid of acting? Not feeling like they want to and will (but don’t want to because I know in my heart I don’t possibly want her gone).

Ellasmama

Date posted: 46w

Should I give her to someone and go get some other kind of help? I don’t know what to do. It’s like I can’t bear to be with her or have her alive but I don’t want her gone. I want things back the way they were. But I also get thoughts that I don’t want her to have insides and they freak me out. It’s so horrible. Please someone tell me some way to make this stop.

imoka07

Date posted: 46w

this is definitely your OCD, i have a dog and i have had the same thoughts

imoka07

Date posted: 46w

@imoka07 my advice would be that in the moment you have those thoughts to maybe watch something to distract you or maybe even just take a little walk and listen to some nice music.. the fact that you don’t want that thought is a good thing, it shows that it’s something you don’t wanna do and don’t wanna act on. i can tell that your a kind person. it’s best to remember that we are all human and are thoughts don’t define us, you having that thought doesn’t make you crazy, it’s just something that you have probably watched maybe a sad animal video of a dog getting hurt popped up on your phone and now your brain is trying to make you think that you will do the same. but trust me when i say you won’t do anything you don’t want to do, you are in full control of your actions. everything will be okay and the scary thought will pass. :)

lu22

Date posted: 24w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 23w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

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