Am I experiencing relationship anxiety or ROCD in my first long-distance relationship?

Is this ROCD or no???

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

Username: syd elainesyd elaine

Date posted: 7w ago

I really resonate with being overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is and trying to find things to not like about him as a result. I struggle with that a lot too and when it’s really bad, I try writing down a list of ways things could be better between us and where I hope our relationship is in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. It sounds corny and worthless, but every time I do it takes my mind out of the downward spiral for a moment to remember that a lot of the little things don’t matter in the greater scheme of things 🫶

Username: elwoodrileyelwoodriley

Date posted: 7w ago

@syd elaine Okay I will definitely try this. What do you mean by listing ways things could be “better between us”? Ngl it seems really hard to but it definitely is worth the try. Thank you 🙌

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 7w ago

I am exactly the same way: long distance, perfect guy, it makes sense. But I also can’t stop nitpicking or focusing on the negatives, worrying I don’t love him enough, feeling scared I’m with him for the wrong reasons. I have similar thoughts and anxieties, like am I leading him on, am I manipulating him into loving me, etc. It’s super scary! I think what can be helpful is trying to figure out what you’re really scared of. Like, are you scared of hurting him? Are you scared of lying to him? What about those thoughts makes you anxious (because it probably isn’t about him at all). Also, I think that you saying, “I want to be with him” should get more credit than you’re giving it. You WANT to be there. You know what YOU want. All the worries don’t matter if you can accept what you want, and if you can accept that what you want may not be “right”. Maybe things aren’t right, but you don’t know that—all you know is what you want, and you want him!

Username: elwoodrileyelwoodriley

Date posted: 7w ago

@Anonymous Oh I have been trying and trying and trying to find what I’m most scared of, it’s so exhausting sometimes. But your so right. That I need to focus on what I want which is him…. But then that for some reason always leads me into thinking I only want the idea of him. And then everything starts all over again. But I shall try to focus on just wanting him and try to not let that intrusive thought come in

Username: sabrinapsabrinap

Date posted: 7w ago

I can very much relate! Sounds like Relationship OCD to me. A big part of my healing journey has been and still is recognizing that love is a choice and a risk. I’m choosing to love my significant other, quirks, little flaws, and all—even when I may not feel like it.

Username: elwoodrileyelwoodriley

Date posted: 7w ago

@sabrinap Okay thank you for this. I will try to do this

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7w ago

defffff rocd imo i also feel the same way a lot and it can get confusing! one day i love her so much and then next i feel distant i worry so much sometimes it blends the two and it feels confusing. i’m learning to accept and trust and know that love is a choice

Username: elwoodrileyelwoodriley

Date posted: 7w ago

@bdads27 Yes i have to remember that love it a choice. Sometimes I just wish there was a healthy pill or something that I could take to just silence the thoughts

Username: Sapphic Soph

Date posted: 4y ago

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

Relationship OCD

Username: oliviak2305

Date posted: 2y ago

Is this ROCD or not? I continuously keep having doubts about my feelings for my boyfriend. I’ve never had this before with my previous relationships and it’s really upsetting because this is the first boy that’s actually treating me like how i deserve. I feel like i’m in a bubble when it’s to do with him. I feel like i can’t emotionally get to him or connect to him. Whenever I think about him or see photos of him i get anxious and stuff. I know i want to be with him forever and i panic about it going wrong. I’m scared i’m going to end up giving in to the doubts and end it😞Whenever i think about the future it makes me anxious, it’s like i’m turning my emotions off. I keep crying after being intimate with him and i don’t know why, i’m panicking it’s because i’m losing feelings for him. I look at other couples and ask myself why am i not like them, why am i not in love like them. They make it look easy and it’s making me doubt everything. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it’s amazing when i don’t have these horrendous doubts. He’s so patient with me and he loves me and worships the ground that I walk on yet and I still have these doubts. They came when our relationship started getting serious. I keep asking my friends and mum for reassurance if i love him and it’s making me so so sad. I feel like if i love him i shouldn’t be having these feelings. He’s not done anything wrong and i feel so guilty for it. Is this OCD or me? Plz help :(

Relationship OCD

Username: anonymous9897

Date posted: 2y ago

Is it ROCD or just relationship anxiety?

I’m entering a new relationship and am so so scared. Is it ROCD or am I having realizations that maybe we’re just not compatible? I really really like this person but I’ll just wake up with thoughts like “omg he’s not super affectionate and he’ll never be that - I want someone who is” and then just start spiraling. I’ve had other thoughts like - He’s not it. - I’m settling. - I don’t feel like he’s asking me questions, we’re not getting vulnerable. - I think I like him. - What if I don’t like him? - Maybe I don’t really like him. - What’s the point of continuing this if I already know it’s not going to work? - Do I know if it’s not going to work? I don’t know? - Why do I get so anxious when I have this thought? It must mean that my intuition is telling me it’s not going to work - I have conversations with other people that are easier Please help, is this OCD or am I just denying my own basic needs in a relationship and staying in it because I don’t want to hurt this person? Can anyone relate to these thoughts at all?

Relationship OCD

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Am I experiencing relationship anxiety or ROCD in my first long-distance relationship?

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