Just saying

What are your goals or dreams for your life? What would you love to do if nothing would hold you back?

Man… it’s like, if I get over one obsession, another comes, and when I run out of new obsessions, old ones come back. Do I… not know how to be content? It reminds me of when Ru Paul told Katya, “You’re addicted to the anxiety.” I don’t know how to change this, but I’m glad I’m recognizing it. It’s awful — I can’t let myself be happy without punishing myself for my past mistakes, and honestly, I just have to just let myself be human. Gonna try meditating and reading more. Any other tips greatly appreciated.

did anyone else have their rocd kick in overdrive when picking between two partners, i adore my bf and our relationship is great, but then another guy confessed his love for me while i'm with my bf, this other guy is fun but seems like bad news (i will never know for sure tho) it causes me so much distress because now i'm constantly thinking about the what if's and how life would be different if i had gone with the other guy even tho im happy with my bf now, so disheartening bc now i feel like im being ungrateful and can't fully enjoy the good im familiar with now without my brain being like: "but what if something bigger awaits me and im missing out?" "what if im not meant to live a peaceful life with a good guy?" "what if i miss the bad?" "maybe im not meant to be here" "what if i'm settling?" "what if i regret not living my 20's to the fullest?" these thoughts are the loudest when i'm bored, or stuck in routine, yk when life gets mundane, and my rocd has made it so that i don't have energy for much else, im too exhausted to do hobbies or school or anything really, im so lost, i dont really know how to find myself while also being in a relationship at the same time, idk how to balance that well, but i want to do both: be with my boyfriend and live a life i crave I crave a spontaneous life, somewhere in a walkable place, partying and exploring new places, traveling the world, meeting new people, adrenaline pumping through my veins, with a group of friends who also love the thrill, (what sucks is that the other guy brought that adventurous side of me out, and now that i cut him off idk how to bring her out again) and i'd like to think in this life i love my career and know what it is, a career that feels fulfilling , AND know that i have my sweet bf there with me, of course this stuff takes time so like my rocd wants me to somehow make one decision to make this all happen faster but its not how it works, anxiety is funny like that its not actually about the other guy, because I feel like i'd be this way with any partner, always thinking about the what ifs that come with rocd, when really i just want my current bf because this is real love and not a "maybe" or an "if", i just miss feeling alive, im just so scared of living an unfulfilling life, thought that a good relationship is like what makes you fulfilled, and it has changed my life in a good way tremendously, but i must need something else as well, i hope to find it, whatever it is