Just saying

did anyone else have their rocd kick in overdrive when picking between two partners, i adore my bf and our relationship is great, but then another guy confessed his love for me while i'm with my bf, this other guy is fun but seems like bad news (i will never know for sure tho) it causes me so much distress because now i'm constantly thinking about the what if's and how life would be different if i had gone with the other guy even tho im happy with my bf now, so disheartening bc now i feel like im being ungrateful and can't fully enjoy the good im familiar with now without my brain being like: "but what if something bigger awaits me and im missing out?" "what if im not meant to live a peaceful life with a good guy?" "what if i miss the bad?" "maybe im not meant to be here" "what if i'm settling?" "what if i regret not living my 20's to the fullest?" these thoughts are the loudest when i'm bored, or stuck in routine, yk when life gets mundane, and my rocd has made it so that i don't have energy for much else, im too exhausted to do hobbies or school or anything really, im so lost, i dont really know how to find myself while also being in a relationship at the same time, idk how to balance that well, but i want to do both: be with my boyfriend and live a life i crave I crave a spontaneous life, somewhere in a walkable place, partying and exploring new places, traveling the world, meeting new people, adrenaline pumping through my veins, with a group of friends who also love the thrill, (what sucks is that the other guy brought that adventurous side of me out, and now that i cut him off idk how to bring her out again) and i'd like to think in this life i love my career and know what it is, a career that feels fulfilling , AND know that i have my sweet bf there with me, of course this stuff takes time so like my rocd wants me to somehow make one decision to make this all happen faster but its not how it works, anxiety is funny like that its not actually about the other guy, because I feel like i'd be this way with any partner, always thinking about the what ifs that come with rocd, when really i just want my current bf because this is real love and not a "maybe" or an "if", i just miss feeling alive, im just so scared of living an unfulfilling life, thought that a good relationship is like what makes you fulfilled, and it has changed my life in a good way tremendously, but i must need something else as well, i hope to find it, whatever it is

Hello lovely community, I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with existential OCD, especially with a fear of life having no meaning. My biggest compulsion is doing something meaningful and checking if I feel different, like happy or elated or fulfilled, which usually leads me to feel the opposite. How do I prevent compulsions that are so automatic? Even if I’m just making jokes or hanging out with friends, I’ll automatically check how I’m feeling. I worry often that my OCD will get “worse” and become unmanageable. I’ll often check my emotions or thoughts or feelings to see how my OCD is in that moment, to see if its getting worse or better, which leads me to constantly be on high alert and very aware of my thoughts and feelings. I’ll also avoid doing things I love or overindulge to check my emotions. Any advice would be appreciated :)

When I say “keep going,” I don’t just mean moving forward in a physical sense. For those of us with OCD, “keep going” is an attitude toward existence itself. It is choosing to remain open to life, even when the present feels unbearable or uncertain. The important part is that “keep going” has no fixed finish line. It doesn’t promise that one day the struggle will vanish or that everything will finally make sense. Its power lies in persistence itself. It is not about completing the battle once and for all, but about refusing to collapse into despair. Meaning is not discovered at the end of the road, but in the very act of walking it… step by step, day by day. This is why persistence is key. Persistence is not abstract or vague; it is concrete. Every time you resist the urge to check again, every time you sit with the discomfort instead of giving in, every time you choose to take the next step despite the weight pressing against you… that is persistence. And persistence shapes you. The weight may not get lighter, but you get stronger, like someone training with resistance. For me, I’ve found that persistence is not about reaching a final end but about cultivating a lifestyle, a way of being that leans toward goodness. It is faithfulness to life itself, even in its ambiguity. It is choosing hope, even when hope feels faint. By staying in the struggle, we keep ourselves open to the possibility of something new, something redemptive, something more than we can see in the moment. So to “keep going” is to resist closure. It mirrors the human condition itself: uncertain, unfinished, yet still full of possibility. We do not know the future, but as long as we persist, we remain agents within it. To stop going is to shut the door on what could be. To keep going is to leave that door open, even just a crack, and to affirm life’s possibilities, however small they may seem.