Fear of Psychosis - Delusions. Scared. Please Read

@RS1208 Thank you so much! It always feels good to talk to someone who relates. Did you have the kind of thoughts that seemed like delusions as well? And they felt real? I think what’s so frustrating is telling my brain reasons why this type of thinking is wrong, but it always has a rebuttal - you’re in denial, they’re brainwashing you into thinking a certain way, etc. it can’t let me find relief and it’s exhausting, like I just want to give in to that way of thinking. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? I have been trying to just respond in a neutral manner and I still hang out with my mom every day despite the thoughts, but sometimes it feels overwhelming.

@Solrose Yes! I’ve had very similar ones, they latch on to just about anyone. Whether it’s family, friends, strangers, occasionally companies. I know through my life I’ve been a trusting person, probably more so than others so to be have these thoughts or feelings are the worst. I was replying to my boss’ message the other day, and a wave of anxiety just creeped in, feeling as if I was scared of him. Even though I’ve known him for a year and he’s a very cool person. And yes, when it feels real, that makes it way worse. It’s almost like I’m compelled to believe it, then I get afraid I’m slipping into psychosis. Generally for me, walking outside and distraction help. And at times I remind myself that people with true paranoia don’t worry or question that they’re having the thoughts.

@RS1208 Thank you for sharing! I think my main concern right now is wondering whether I believe the thoughts or not. Or rather, am I afraid that my mom might hurt me or rather afraid what this type of thought means about myself? I would say I think the anxiety is more towards thinking I actually believe it and it’s a delusion, but I also think the thought that my mom wants to hurt me scares me as well, so then this makes me feel that if I actually feel fear or anxiety about her harming me, that means I believe in it. That it has become a delusional belief, and I will hurt her or report her because I’m so convinced. Sorry, I know I’m rambling so hopefully this makes sense. Thank you again for listening and replying. I agree with you that being outside in nature is very helpful.

@Solrose Yeah I had that thought process too! When I was staying at my friends house, I was afraid of them hurting me, despite knowing them my whole life. Then I thought “I know that’s not true”, but then the next thought is: “normal people don’t have to tell themselves their friends won’t hurt them.” - causing the anxiety to spike right back. I think being afraid of someone hurting us is normal. Another friend of mine told me she’s had random moments of fear of her dad raping her. For no reason, and she has a great relationship with her dad. She doesn’t have this obsession, but once or twice a year, she will have these intrusive thoughts, that do scare her. And my dad, who is a psychiatrist, told me a story of a patient who has the same thought about his step father. I think specifically the guy had thought that his step father would cut him in the family barn. Which he didn’t like, but he was still scared. Eventually, it went away though. So I totally feel you!

@RS1208 Thank you! I think the constant rumination and questioning just adds so much more to these type of thoughts. Like sometimes I feel I can honestly say “yes I believe these thoughts 100%” because they seem so real, but I think it’s my brain thinking about it too much that I get confused what I actually believe or not anymore. Like I’m filled with so much doubt and uncertainty I can’t give a clear answer, if that makes sense. Never trusting how I actually feel about something. And it doesn’t matter what I say to my thoughts, it will always say something back. For example, I had the thought that my mom told me she loved me, because she’s trying to brainwash me and try to prevent me from seeing her as dangerous so she can harm me easier. Like there’s so much mental gymnastics it’s ridiculous. Can never have an answer satisfying enough.

@Solrose Yes, I’ve had the same kind of stuff. It does get tiring, and I found it’s impossible to think you’re way out of it. In the past when I’ve gotten over it, it just came from me losing interest in it. I know it’s very very hard, but sometimes it’s best not to give any response to those thoughts, feelings and urges. Doing your best to just continue doing whatever you enjoy. :)

@RS1208 Thank you so much friend. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond to me and sharing your experiences. ❤️ I hope your journey with OCD has been kind to you and that you’re doing well in your life. Also here to talk if you ever need to vent!

@Solrose Currently going through it after months of remission, but hoping it passes like it has done many times before! And you’re very welcome, always nice to talk to someone who has similar experience, thank you for that too. :) Also I have discord if you ever need to talk it out easier!

@RS1208 I’m sorry to hear that. I’m 32 now, but I have had OCD since I was 15. I have gone many years without any flare ups, and earlier this year it just hit me really hard. This year has been tough. So I understand what you’re going through. Yeah I have a discord! My username is the same as it’s on here - .solrose. Feel free to add me on there! :)

@Solrose Oh gotcha, yeah I’m 30, and had my first symptoms at 20/21. And have had years without any issues, but flared up this year too. Specifically about 1.5 months ago. Okay cool! I added you twice, apparently my main account got a lock on it because I misspelled your username, lol.

@RS1208 I’m not seeing you on there. Can you send me the request again? Or can you let me know your username and I will add you?

@Solrose Yeah, it’s just rs1208.