please please rocd advice yall

idk what to say sometimes, it feels never ending. i feel the burning thought that i want to breakup and i can’t ignore it. truthfully i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to loose her, i love her. but i also question and do this and that makes me feel so guilty and idk how to express that. she is so awesome a patient and cares about me and so do it. but i worry that she likes me more than i do because i get like this. i get these awful images of breaking up or thoughts that im secretly jealous of my single friends and that im just convincing myself i want this. at one point before we were together i did want to be single and date around, but then i met her and fell. it felt good. but what if this anxiety is just me know its not right? what if i just want to be single? i dont think i do and i dont wanna be:,( but these thoughts!! i just get so scared im not spending my 20s the right way and that in order for me to actually find the right person or love that i needed to date around and not be with someone. it makes me feel guilty. but this relationship feels good when im not anxious. i freak out because i just don’t know why i get this way. it feels like my brain is telling me deep down i know the truthfor sure but i really don’t. it makes me crazy and like a bad partner. i do t want to breakup i really see a future tighter but im like what if its not right, what if its bad timing, what if i have to leave. phew. some days i dont feel like i deserve this conquerer badge.

ScuderiaAlpha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

I’m seeing a lot of “what ifs….” in this post which as you know is OCDs favourite phrase 🤣. Ultimately with ROCD like any OCD theme, we have to get comfortable with the idea of not knowing and being uncertain about things in our relationships and being ok with that. It’s totally normal to question and have doubts about things in our relationships but one of the main compulsions in ROCD is trying to tell the difference and work it out “for sure”. OCD won’t let you have the answer and be certain of “OK this is what I want to do about this relationship and I’m 1000% certain”. It’s annoying but you’re never going to reach certainty EVER about whatever is in your head. From what it sounds like, you want to be with your partner and you’ve even written that you don’t want to break up with her. In fact that sentence summaries ROCD in a nutshell! “I don’t wanna breakup but then I’m like WHAT IF (key OCD buzzword) it’s not right?”. As you know if you do want to stay with your partner, then you have to get comfortable with the idea that you’re never going to be certain about what’s in your head about your relationship and that OCD won’t allow you to have that. Instead, you could fully enjoy this relationship whilst being ok with the fact that you do have doubts about it and that you’re never going to be sure how it will turn out, but that you can handle that and it doesn’t need to take away from your relationship.

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

@ScuderiaAlpha hi! thank you for your help and wonderful comment! it helped me calm down for sure. i guess my question would be how do you accept the thoughts and continue on? i feel like im such a bad partner for this and i physically feel the anxious energy which makes me feel like its a sign? after i made this post, i talked about it with my partner that i need support and dont want to go through this alone, but absolutely didnt say what my exactly my thoughts were to her bc that’s a boundary we set. i feel good about it but am struggling figuring out how to handle this. i so want this and im afraid ill ruin it.

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

@bdads27 i also accidentally made a second post of this and someone commented that im not being fair to my partner and that i need muster up trust in myself and leave bc im going to break their heart which like?? holy shit why would someone say that it triggered me so bad

Bre!

Date posted: 43w

I’m experiencing this as well. I felt insane and crazy because I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and never felt such doubt about our relationship before up until 3 months ago. My 2 bestfriends just got out of relationships and were talking about dating around and hooking up infront of me. It seemed exciting. Like maybe i should be doing that too? I’m newly 21 and felt like maybe there’s someone out there I’m meant to be with instead. It’s hard - I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 18 all we know is eachother. But when you look around you see that people have been together since highschool or since college and i look at that as success stories. Love is a choice ! Although the thoughts probably will never go away, you have a choice to live with that uncertainty of not knowing if this person is forever or “the one” and that’s okay. No one ever knows that, but it’s a choice you make for yourself. You know that person is good for you and that they make you happy. While it’s a lot easier said then done- the thoughts will come back. Sit with the doubt and uncertainty!

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

@Bre! i’m also 21 turning 22 soon and i think it’s because of all the change that’s happening around us right now. i feel secure in wanting my girlfriend but feel like there’s an expectation i had for myself need to date around in order to find the partner i was looking for! lucky shot i guess, but it didn’t come without its trials. i’m just struggling with the doubt and uncertainty aspect, my obsession just feels so never ending and im struggling to let it go.

Bre!

Date posted: 43w

@bdads27 I totally understand where you are coming from. My friends have had multiple boyfriends and girlfriends and it makes you think maybe you should be doing that too. Only you know what’s right for you. I guess we got lucky finding our partners so young. It’s truly beautiful that we will get to go through life with them. But it’s a choice we make for ourselves. Who knows what the future will bring but we can only deal with the now. I appreciate your post so much because i talk to my friends about my thoughts and issues and they just give me advice that i know they are trying their best but they will never understand the mind of how OCD works. Stay strong !

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

@Bre! i know i feel like ive needed to let go of some past trauma and expectations on how to get over it to be present in my relationship now. i feel empowered to choose and continue to because i know how i feel. the thoughts do come and it can be hard to see through but i do believe that as i move through them ill be able to diminish them and understand that this is just how my mind works. best of luck to you babe you got this

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Rocd -feeling like relief would be to breakup

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 23w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

is it rocd or just a relationship?

hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)

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please please rocd advice yall

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