Can someone help me??

Was watching a YouTube video and the person talked about school shootings & how people are crazy. I immediately got distressed thinking “what if i’m crazy, what if I do something as horrible as that” and got so many scary intrusive thoughts after. I feel so ashamed and i feel like a terrible person for these thoughts and some days I want to burst out crying but no tears come out, just a lot of panic & worry. I feel so shameful. And to make matters worse, later that day I saw this funny news for a video game and I didn’t remember how to spell it correctly and when I pressed search, I saw a photo of a bullet & that made me feel so damn scared. Like what if I intentionally searched for it even though I was expecting a video game. Then I started thinking about how on the news they always claim the mass shooters would be obsessed with firearms and It just made my OCD that much worse. Then my OCD goes into my past to find “evidence” that could prove I’m a horrible person that would do something like that. I can’t get these intrusive thoughts and images out and I hate it. I hate violence. I’ve talked to my therapist over and over about how I feel like this horrible person and I give her a list of all the things that I’ve done wrong and to her, she knows that it’s OCD. I would never intentionally physically harm anyone. The only time I would get into a physical confrontation is to defend myself or loved ones. I just feel like I’m going crazy

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

I’ve been feeling really really depressed the past few days due to health concerns. I’ve been really feeling down like not wanting to be here anymore and it’s scaring me. I was in the doctor’s office this morning and I got a scary thought that said maybe I should just k*ll someone in here instead of k*lling myself. Then the thoughts continued… this man walked past and I thought “hurt him” I obviously wouldn’t want to hurt anyone let alone a bug on the sidewalk, but the thoughts began to overtake me and I had a panic attack. It’s still bothering me and I’m still scared it’s real and that I’m going crazy. This happens to me a lot after I watch a documentary about someone who hurt someone else. I begin to think I am somehow going to go crazy like the person in the documentary and hurt someone. Although I don’t want to .. I would never ever want to hurt anyone.